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I think if you feel this way, you aren't really as serious about this relationship and you pretend to be. That and the keeping score (all those examples were about your score keeping, not hers). It's time to evaluate the relationship...
I wasn't keeping score initially in the relationship but she was being cheap to the core, she would not pitch in for anything. What do you expect me to do now? It's only natural that I will notice that despite making much more money than me she does not want to spend any money on me at all yet I spend without much thought.
As I said all I am asking is for the relationship to be equitable at this stage, I don't want to keep spending. I did that with my ex and it was the biggest mistake of my life.
Ok, or see her parents and family. I don't know. Sounds somewhat serious of a relationship, doesn't it? Out of everything I wrote, that's all you picked up on.
I spent Christmas break with all my in laws in a beach house. It was hell on earth. I had already met them, too. But I we to because it was important to my husband to spend time with his family.
Going somewhere that's an 8 hour drive away means basically 2 days out of your 10 days off will be taken up with car travel, at a time of year when short days, weather and holiday traffic congestion are factors. Honestly, to me that sounds miserable, but I've put the kibosh on getting to the family Christmas bash by car, having encountered too many icy dark roads and indifferent motels.
I don't blame you for not wanting to go. Hawaii sounds pretty good to me.
I wasn't keeping score initially in the relationship but she was being cheap to the core, she would not pitch in for anything. What do you expect me to do now? It's only natural that I will notice that despite making much more money than me she does not want to spend any money on me at all yet I spend without much thought.
As I said all I am asking is for the relationship to be equitable at this stage, I don't want to keep spending. I did that with my ex and it was the biggest mistake of my life.
Then tell HER that. There is no right or wrong way that's couples do this. Just work it out with HER.
Relationships like life, are not fair. You do your best to compromise, but frankly there are times that you just do what your significant other wants. The fact the two of you are keeping score at every turn does not speak well for your relationship.
Relationships like life, are not fair. You do your best to compromise, but frankly there are times that you just do what your significant other wants. The fact the two of you are keeping score at every turn does not speak well for your relationship.
I can't agree with that.
The OP already knows he doesn't want to be in a relationship where he's constantly spending on his SO. He's been there, done that. He doesn't have any choice other than to keep score so he can avoid falling into that trap again.
If he has to take a trip that he doesn't want to take, to visit HER family, then this trip will obviously shortchange his savings and he wasn't anticipating that. He was anticipating spending it on a nice vacation.
After reading all of the posts, my opinion is that she should pay for the trip to her parents. It's not going to break her and so far she has been a little hard on him with not splitting things equitably. WTF. She makes more than he does. Is she a princess or what?
I think maybe best thing to do is examine his heart and figure out exactly what this woman means to him. If he is dead set on this person and she is very important to him and he feels in his gut he wants to take the relationship to the next level then he has to suck it up and go on the trip with her if that's what she wants, and pay for whatever. But if he knows in his heart that this isn't working for him then he should take a stand and take a separate vacation. If he would be happier with a woman who's willing to provide a more equitable financial arrangement then that is his right. We all need certain things in a relationship and it sounds to me like he has gotten bad deals with this in the past. Women who are willing to scream and cry "equality" but not willing to pay their share in a relationship, that is **** poor to me. I don't like a man being taken for granted, that he is expected to pay??? WTF!!!
You're talking to us and you should be talking to her. Since you have a detailed record of how much you have spent and how much she has spent for the entire duration of this relationship, I think you should sit down with her and present her with an invoice.
I guarantee you will be able to save the price of a visit to her parents.
If he has to take a trip that he doesn't want to take, to visit HER family, then this trip will obviously shortchange his savings and he wasn't anticipating that. He was anticipating spending it on a nice vacation.
After reading all of the posts, my opinion is that she should pay for the trip to her parents. It's not going to break her and so far she has been a little hard on him with not splitting things equitably. WTF. She makes more than he does. Is she a princess or what?
I think maybe best thing to do is examine his heart and figure out exactly what this woman means to him. If he is dead set on this person and she is very important to him and he feels in his gut he wants to take the relationship to the next level then he has to suck it up and go on the trip with her if that's what she wants, and pay for whatever. But if he knows in his heart that this isn't working for him then he should take a stand and take a separate vacation. If he would be happier with a woman who's willing to provide a more equitable financial arrangement then that is his right. We all need certain things in a relationship and it sounds to me like he has gotten bad deals with this in the past. Women who are willing to scream and cry "equality" but not willing to pay their share in a relationship, that is **** poor to me. I don't like a man being taken for granted, that he is expected to pay??? WTF!!!
My post was based on all things being equal and up to this point, satisfactory. Now that OP has shed some light on the financials, this couple's issue goes beyond this one trip.
OP needs to have a discussion with his GF on expenditures and expectations. If GF is expecting her man to take care of her financially and OP is expecting his woman to equally share expenditures, they need to hash it out. Neither is right or wrong, they just may be incompatible.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daisy2010
If he has to take a trip that he doesn't want to take, to visit HER family, then this trip will obviously shortchange his savings and he wasn't anticipating that. He was anticipating spending it on a nice vacation.
After reading all of the posts, my opinion is that she should pay for the trip to her parents. It's not going to break her and so far she has been a little hard on him with not splitting things equitably. WTF. She makes more than he does. Is she a princess or what?
I think maybe best thing to do is examine his heart and figure out exactly what this woman means to him. If he is dead set on this person and she is very important to him and he feels in his gut he wants to take the relationship to the next level then he has to suck it up and go on the trip with her if that's what she wants, and pay for whatever. But if he knows in his heart that this isn't working for him then he should take a stand and take a separate vacation. If he would be happier with a woman who's willing to provide a more equitable financial arrangement then that is his right. We all need certain things in a relationship and it sounds to me like he has gotten bad deals with this in the past. Women who are willing to scream and cry "equality" but not willing to pay their share in a relationship, that is **** poor to me. I don't like a man being taken for granted, that he is expected to pay??? WTF!!!
I agree with you. Since she makes more and he is going at her request, I think she needs to pony up or at the very least try to make the cheap as possibly and pay at least 70% of it.
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