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Now you make me want to go tonight and conduct an experiment. Sit by myself at the busiest time of dinner on one of the busiest nights of the week and read a book while cameras are set up to see others reactions. I need my own hidden camera show....
Then again, every time I go out anymore, everyone who sits together at tables are all up in their smartphones anyway. Might as well be reading a book.
Why does anyone care what other people think? Even if someone thinks you are a loser, what impact does it have on your life? What are the odds youre ever even going to see that person again unless you eat at the same place, same day of the week all the time and really what are the odds of that?
Sometimes I go to the cafe at Barnes and Noble and have a sandwich and a cup of soup while I'm reading - that's actually one of my favorite little ventures. I can sit there for hours!
So in your world, restaurants are specifically for socializing, and that's fine - but it's not the same for everyone. And that's fine too.
In my town there is an ice skating rink that is inside a mall, with a half-dozen small cafes offering various types of food all around it. You can sit at your table and watch skaters spin their circles through a clear plastic wall. I would go there, skate for an hour and then sit around for three more hours watching others do it.
Why? I mean, what is the point of reading a book in a restaurant when you can get take-out or delivery and read a book in the comfort of your own home? That's my point: a restaurant is FOR socializing, as much as it is for eating.
But now we have two parallel threads going: being alone at Christmas and the great restaurant debate.
I am a big fan of takeout lol, and I love that you can easily get takeout now from almost any kind of restaurant....from the dive truckstop to upscale restaurants.
But, sometimes even for people who enjoy being at home, there are times you either are stir crazy or just want to get out or have a change of pace. Or, you might want to be waited on. Not to mention you might want to eat something that is best served in place rather than taken out.
Maybe the food is from a restaurant you want to try and wont survive the trip well or reheat well.
Why deny yourself just because someone might look at you sideways for eating out alone. I honestly don't think most people care why other people are eating alone. And, even if they do, who cares?
In my town there is an ice skating rink that is inside a mall, with a half-dozen small cafes offering various types of food all around it. You can sit at your table and watch skaters spin their circles through a clear plastic wall. I would go there, skate for an hour and then sit around for three more hours watching others do it.
I'm married to a H who is always around, so I don't have to ever eat out alone. But, we both do.
He's a big breakfast person, unlike me and probably eats breakfast out alone once a week. Usually reading a paper.
I eat out alone every so often for lunch at places he doesn't care for; most of them have outside tables and usually I just eat and people watch without bothering with books or other diversions. And, I am never the only one eating alone, so I guess I don't get people worrying about what others think of them eating alone at a restaurant.
Not sure whether your situation passes muster with the OP, but it does for me.
In our family, Christmas Eve is as big as Christmas - even more full of traditions in fact, and most of them involving kids. My husband is working, for the third Christmas in a row, and for the week before and after Christmas too - so that counts as "alone" for me since my kids are grown and I'll be spending Christmas Eve alone (not Christmas day though). But it will be an adjustment because it will be very quiet, not at all like so many Christmas Eves in the past, filled with the laughter of kids while we make Christmas cookies, set them out for Santa, along with a note and a glass of milk, and then snuggle down in the living room around the fireplace, with the lights blinking and candles glowing, and listen as the story of the birth of Jesus is read from the Gospel of Luke. My favorite part has always been:
When I was a kid and we got to that part, I would begin wiggling with excitement thinking about that beautiful sight on that clear night! So I've always loved reading that part aloud to the current crop of kids. But I'll be by myself this year - and I guess I'll still probably read it out loud. I need to. I will.
Anyway, I won't be alone on Christmas Day, but my husband will be working out of state. He's either been out of state or out of the country working more Christmases than he's been home since we got married ten years ago. That's sad for him. Every year we say, "Next year we will spend Christmas together," - and once in awhile we get lucky and it happens. But not this year. And not last year. And not the year before.
In fact, my husband proposed to me over the phone on Christmas Day ten years ago - from off the coast of Africa. I just now realized that.
K of A, you write well so I infer you are smart.
The vibe I'm getting is you realize the OP meant this thread for peeps who are truly alone in the world.
Yet you have posted herein several times boasting about your wonderful family and your happy times together.
I am honestly curious why you are doing so?
Is your husband still active duty, Kathryn? I thought he was retired (not retired now, just retired).
No, he works in the oil and gas industry. Lucky to still have a job at this point, so we feel sort of weird about complaining about him not being home for Christmas (again)!
K of A, you write well so I infer you are smart.
The vibe I'm getting is you realize the OP meant this thread for peeps who are truly alone in the world.
Yet you have posted herein several times boasting about your wonderful family and your happy times together.
I am honestly curious why you are doing so?
I'm not "boasting about my wonderful family and our happy times together."
What I'm pointing out is that even people who have family can be alone over the holidays. I have specifically stated that I am alone this Christmas Eve even though I have kids, grandkids, and a husband. I think it's pertinent to the conversation that some people (like myself and like the poster who's SO is deployed) are alone over a holiday even though they are married, or in a relationship.
The reason I think it's pertinent is that it's another facet of "being alone." I was a military brat and then wife and now my husband works in the oil and gas industry, and our family has spent many a holiday separated. And in fact, due to my husband's schedule, even though I'm happily married, I spend two weeks of every month - half the year - by myself, alone in our house (I don't work outside the home any more, so if I see people it's because I make the effort to see them). Often this time coincides with various holidays. It is only this year that I had some family move back to this area - prior to the past year, every family member was hours, or states, or oceans away - Guam, England, Ohio, Colorado, Idaho, etc (I live in Texas). (My kids are all grown and have been for ten years.)
And not many people are truly completely "alone in the world" even if they aren't in an intimate relationship and even if they don't have kids. There are several people posting in this thread who make it clear that they have family and friends who invite them to be with them over the holidays but they choose instead to spend the holiday by themselves. And in fact, I choose to spend Christmas Eve by myself - if I wanted to, I could spend it with friends who have invited me over, but I doubt seriously that I'll do that, because I don't mind the poignancy of an evening filled with the ghosts of Christmases past. I don't mind being alone.
The original post didn't specify that it was directed at ONLY people who "have no one" to spend the holiday with. And in my first post I made it clear that I do have family around that I will spend Christmas Day with, but I am choosing to spend Christmas Eve (which is as big a day in our family as Christmas Day) by myself for the first time that I can recall. In other words, I'm spending it ALONE.
I see now where I went astray, asking "who WILL BE alone this Christmas" instead of "who IS alone this Christmas." My bad! Words matter...
It's usually a choice to be alone on Christmas. As someone just pointed out, there are nursing homes filled with people who will spend the day without a visit from friends or family. There are hospitals. There are homeless shelters. There are restaurants open. And many people on this thread have pointed out that they have friends and family who invite them to share the day, but they choose not to do so, for various reasons.
I don't say that to sound like I don't empathize with people who "are alone." I do. I spent a Thanksgiving completely alone one year and I had the choice to either scrounge up something to do - something outside my comfort zone - or sit at home alone. I chose to do some volunteer work and ended up being completely surrounded by crowds of people all day long - I wish I'd just stayed home instead! I could have also "put the word out" among my friends and coworkers that I was going to be completely alone - and gotten an invitation or two, but I chose not to do that too.
But it was difficult not to have family around that holiday. And even though I'm married, it's difficult not to spend the holidays with my husband. I hate it when my kids and grandkids are far away too. I want everyone I love to be around me - and I usually have some combination of friends and loved ones around, but occasionally the stars don't align in that manner.
I don't know - did you mean to say "who is alone because every single person that's ever meant anything to them is dead or now hates them?" Because what I'm seeing on this thread is a lot of CHOICE. Many people are making it clear that they COULD spend Christmas with family or friends, but choose not to. Are they more "alone" than the person whose SO is deployed, or the person whose spouse is working out of state for the third Christmas (and Thanksgiving) in a row? What about people in nursing homes, who are surrounded by other people - are they "alone?"
I thought the premise of the original post was interesting and made for good conversation, because there are many reasons why people find themselves in solitary scenarios over a holiday. But like I said, many of those situations involve a choice to be alone. And that's OK too.
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