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Spent the entire day yesterday in my sweats, hanging out on the sofa, watching the tv with my dogs and cats all around and on me......
It was AWESOME.......
Both of my exes came from large families so for YEARS, all of the holidays were huge festivals of chaos....
in recent years, a few of my friends who are also "orphans" and I would go have a nice meal at one of the casinos.... only places open besides the Chinese Restaurants.... but we never got around to setting that up this year.....
I do have a brother in Houston, but can't be bothered to make the effort for him anymore......
I am quite content with my own company, doing just as I please....
And not many people are truly completely "alone in the world" even if they aren't in an intimate relationship and even if they don't have kids.
I don't have any family left. Divorced, and I never wanted kids, which was my choice, but the holidays have been hard this year, more than usual. Yes, I could go somewhere to be with people, but I honestly think I would feel worse; I can't get past this depression (I have clinical depression; it's like having diabetes in that it's not curable, but manageable with medication).
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
In my mind, if you have no family, it's at least better to have others around. Maybe I'm wrong.
I'd really rather be alone because I know I'd be lousy company; it would take a tremendous amount of energy to get scrubbed up, drive somewhere, and then be around others. I'm just stating how it feels to me. I likely am feeling sorry for myself but I feel paralyzed. The days/hours are dragging by.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider
It's great for the people who are totally content to curl up alone, watch a movie or something, but to me it would be depressing and I cannot lay aside that feeling at will even if the feeling is irrational.
THAT is how I feel. I didn't think I would, but it's hit me quite hard. I don't cry, I just feel numb.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amelorn
Here we go. I am far away, and I've had issues with my family. I've posted about it enough if anyone cares to dig, but I am tired of telling those stories (perhaps that's "maturity").
Normally, I do OK left to my own devices and intermittently seeing friends, but the "Family" days weigh on me. They're a reminder of what I once had, but have lost. I don't have the equanimity and/or memories of several decades to look back on. It doesn't help knowing that my peer group is at the stage of building their families rather than the opposite.
I am 26.
THAT is also how I feel; these past few days, I've thought almost constantly about growing up in the midst of my once-large family, but the ones I knew well have all died -- aunts, uncles, parents, and though I don't miss all of them, I miss the sense of inclusion, of belonging. I'm really surprised at myself, because I've been alone during holidays for the past seven years, and it's honestly never bothered me this much. (I had family issues as well and won't go into it here either, but that reached its apex when I was 31, around your age.)
Now, though, we're in the home stretch -- it's almost the New Year, and then everything more or less goes back on "schedule." Maybe I'm just not handling unstructured time as well as I used to, and it's also been unseasonably warm and muggy -- my least-favorite weather pattern.
_____
I just read over this, and man, I've got some nerve! Such a whiner! I have what I need while millions are truly suffering. I have no excuses; I've painted myself into this corner despite my "mental illness." Oh, for God's sake, do shut up, this sounds pathetic. I wish someone would give me a swift kick. I needed to read through all these responses to clear the cobwebs and see things in a better, more universal perspective. Thank you all.
Having watched "A Christmas Carol" for the 2,000th time (what else did I have to do all day?), I've decided that Scrooge is a big part of the problem here. We've all been thus brainwashed to think that if we're alone on Christmas, we must deserve it... Like Scrooge, we must be black-hearted, despicable, and bound for he//...
We've all been thus brainwashed to think that if we're alone on Christmas, we must deserve it... Like Scrooge, we must be black-hearted, despicable, and bound for he//...
Speak for yourself. Maybe that's your perception, but I definitely wouldn't say "we've all ..."
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
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Location: USA
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My mother was complaining about all the holiday parties she went including hosting one for the family. So my response was bah, humbug. I wasn't trying to mean or anything. It struck a nerve because I much rather be with others than alone including being in a relationship. She and my dad had been married as long as I've been single. 36 years and counting....
Speak for yourself. Maybe that's your perception, but I definitely wouldn't say "we've all ..."
I should say "we all" who aren't wildly enthused about spending Christmas alone (and lonely). No, it's not always the same thing, but sometimes it is (for some).
I agree with Maniac, Otterhere, and Katie. Technically I am not alone since I am married, but my husband is the extent of my family. Some friends who are with their families.
Christmas has always been difficult for me since I don't even have the fun trappings that other nonreligious people do. Brought up as ethnically Jewish, having a Christmas tree (even if it's renamed Hannukah bush) isn't even on my radar. So I've always been on the outside, looking in and trying to catch the Christmas spirit, but never doing a good job of it. Would go through some motions, like watching It's A Wonderful Life for the 20th time or attending a holiday party. It was never satisfying and sometimes almost painful. I was making the effort, but not being rewarded with a Norma Rockwell Christmas.
Thanks to yoga, meditation, introspection, Buddhist readings, etc. (and even some people on this forum!), I have more or less achieved equanimity. What a sense of peace. This year, instead of mourning what I don't have (organized religion, family, Christmas cheer), it's about the contentment I do have, regardless of the time of year. It's about gratitude for what I do have (health, freedom, some friends, interesting things to do and think about). I don't need the manic highs of the Christmas season---I just need serenity and contentment all year round.
When I tried to have a little more of what was expected for the holiday season, it just zapped my time and energy without giving me much in return (like going to a neighbor's party and being with her family----duller than watching paint dry---they weren't my family and didn't have much to offer---I realized I didn't need to borrow a family). Some of my exercise instructors talk about "fake it until you make it," but that just wasn't working for celebrating the holidays.
I just can't do a very good job of celebrating Christmas. I can accept that. But I can do a fantastic job of living my life and enjoying myself jazzcat-style, even on December 25th. Yesterday on Christmas Eve, instead of attempting to approximate a traditional Christmas Eve dinner and watching something Christmasy, we made an Indian dinner and watched a Korean caper movie (we are neither Indian or Korean, but it worked for us). Everyone here has similar ways or living and being that can work for them. Embrace what's good in your life and don't worry about fitting into a mold.
Jazzcat, I couldn't have articulated it better! It's just my husband and me too, and this was the first Christmas in 40 years that we've been totally alone. And you know what? It was kinda nice! I too am working on achieving equanimity with my life, being thankful for all I have. My FIL is in a rehab facility as we speak, at 93, after spinal decompression surgery. He cannot walk. I woke up this week grateful that I can, and that I can do just about anything else I want to do. It's very freeing when you quit trying to live up to some image in your head.
Tobiashen, I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. I understand depression well, my friend. I also understand looking back and missing what used to be with family and friends. I hope this doesn't sound trite, but I saw a post on Facebook a few days ago that really hit home with me. It said, "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be."
Tobiashen, I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. I understand depression well, my friend. I also understand looking back and missing what used to be with family and friends. I hope this doesn't sound trite, but I saw a post on Facebook a few days ago that really hit home with me. It said, "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be."
Wishing you a peaceful 2016.
I repped you, but also wanted to say thank you -- you are a very thoughtful, gracious person.
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