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Help another if you want to help another, make it a personal choice not one based on a check list of who is where at what times of the week or how devoted they are.
Yes.
We can't possibly know the circumstances involved in this. I am surprised that one of the kids has asked for money for themselves. This is unusual. Why don't you try to find out more about what is going on? If they need help, then, as a Christian, you should help them.
Well, if it makes you a bad person, you have a lot of company, including me.
I absolutely despise the now-frequent shakedowns that seem to come after a death these days. Suddenly, my FB feed is full of "GoFundMe" pleas, etc., etc. I understand that a death can be a huge financial blow to a family -- I guess I'm just wondering what the person is thinking of to collect an admittedly small amount from a small group to be divided among the kids -- how is that going to help the kids? It would barely pay for a textbook in college. How does that help the kids deal with the loss? I just don't get it. Sorry. Someone handing me $100 and saying, "Sorry your dad died" would be offensive to me -- as if my dad was only worth $100 to me.
Give if you want. Don't give if your heart says no. It doesn't make you a bad person. "Taking up a collection" is, on the surface, a nice, caring thing. But trying to shame a member of a church into giving ("it's only $10, what's wrong with you?") is just tacky. No explanation is necessary.
Well, if it makes you a bad person, you have a lot of company, including me.
I absolutely despise the now-frequent shakedowns that seem to come after a death these days. Suddenly, my FB feed is full of "GoFundMe" pleas, etc., etc. I understand that a death can be a huge financial blow to a family -- I guess I'm just wondering what the person is thinking of to collect an admittedly small amount from a small group to be divided among the kids -- how is that going to help the kids? It would barely pay for a textbook in college. How does that help the kids deal with the loss? I just don't get it. Sorry. Someone handing me $100 and saying, "Sorry your dad died" would be offensive to me -- as if my dad was only worth $100 to me.
Give if you want. Don't give if your heart says no. It doesn't make you a bad person. "Taking up a collection" is, on the surface, a nice, caring thing. But trying to shame a member of a church into giving ("it's only $10, what's wrong with you?") is just tacky. No explanation is necessary.
From my POV, it wasn't offensive. I was $21 and had missed 7 days of work and school. That's a LOT of lost income. I definitely wasn't expecting any help so when I got the card with the check, I was stunned. I used the money for gas and bills.
While I don't agree with every GoFundMe out there, I think it's kind of people to want to help in times of need. People don't expect it or ask for it but when you're dealing with a tragedy, it's appreciated.
Sometimes it really IS about the principle of the thing.
Their father just died. If you don't want to give $10, then don't. But trying to make this into a bigger deal than it really is just feels cruel to me. Why kick people when they're already down? The kids are 18 and 19, they're barely adults, one with a baby of her own. Even if they don't frequent the church, it doesn't mean they are any less of a human and don't deserve help. Their father died for christ's sake. I hate people that misuse GoFundMe pages just as much as the next person, but can we all just try to be compassionate from one human to another? A loss is never easy.
The thing I don't like about it, in addition to what I posted above, is that there isn't any explanation for what the money is needed for, besides just "the kids". I have seen people impulsively try to help by taking collections or organizing benefits when it's not really necessary in terms of the family's circumstances, life insurance coverage, etc. In the case of my young cousin, however, he was a police officer dragged by a car he had stopped for suspected drugs and he was SEVERELY injured with a very long rehab process and lasting physical problems. He of course was covered adequately as a police officer injured in the line of duty, and his parents really did not want and were embarrassed that a benefit was being organized, but organized it was and it was a huge one. And frankly, we didn't care what he did what the money, after what he had been through. OP, if you're still pondering what to do, see if you can find any details that make sense and then decide whether you can spare the money to contribute.
We can't possibly know the circumstances involved in this. I am surprised that one of the kids has asked for money for themselves.
They didn't.
I'm not sure why so many people here are acting as though the kids are looking for a handout. This seems to be a well-intentioned gesture by a member of the OP's church, not the family of the deceased.
I also don't get the opposition to the college donations in lieu of flowers. If someone is already planning on spending money for flowers, which wilt and serve no purpose, it doesn't seem inappropriate to me for the family to ask that those funds go into something more productive.
OP: It's ten bucks. There is no principle of the matter here. If you don't want to give, fine, but you aren't standing for some great truth.
We can't possibly know the circumstances involved in this. I am surprised that one of the kids has asked for money for themselves. This is unusual. Why don't you try to find out more about what is going on? If they need help, then, as a Christian, you should help them.
No, one of the kids did not ask for money. Please re-read the post. I said that me and some friends all grew up together. One of the girls in the group we hang out with thought it would be nice to collect $10 from each person in the group to give to the kids of the deceased person. My hang up is that these kids have all grown up and went their separate ways and hardly ever come to our church. We rarely see them. They have kids of their own. Had the money been collected to go to the estranged wife, another girl in the group, maybe I wouldn't have a problem with it. Another problem I have is that within the group we all have lost loved ones over the years. I lost my grandmother a few years back. Another girl lost her aunt to breast cancer, who was also a faithful church member till her health went down. At none of those times in our lives was there ever a collection taken by the groups to help out, so why now. No, this money is not going to help with funeral expenses. It's just a "we're thinking of you" type of thing. I don't see why a card or flower wouldn't suffice.
Well, if it makes you a bad person, you have a lot of company, including me.
I absolutely despise the now-frequent shakedowns that seem to come after a death these days. Suddenly, my FB feed is full of "GoFundMe" pleas, etc., etc. I understand that a death can be a huge financial blow to a family -- I guess I'm just wondering what the person is thinking of to collect an admittedly small amount from a small group to be divided among the kids -- how is that going to help the kids? It would barely pay for a textbook in college. How does that help the kids deal with the loss? I just don't get it. Sorry. Someone handing me $100 and saying, "Sorry your dad died" would be offensive to me -- as if my dad was only worth $100 to me.
Give if you want. Don't give if your heart says no. It doesn't make you a bad person. "Taking up a collection" is, on the surface, a nice, caring thing. But trying to shame a member of a church into giving ("it's only $10, what's wrong with you?") is just tacky. No explanation is necessary.
Speaking from experience, these aren't the type of kids who think about or plan on going off to college. They run the street, have drug dealer boyfriends, have kids out of wedlock under the age of 20. Again, I'm not downing the kids, I'm just stating the facts that I know. When my grandmother died a few years ago there was no financial strain on anyone and we didn't ask anyone for donations. My brothers and sisters all pitched in and helped my mom bury her mother. Back in the day my grandmother bought an insurance policy but we're talking some 50 or 60 years ago. The payout today would have only been enough to buy a few flowers. Not much. We paid for everything and put our grandmother away nicely but we didn't break the budget. No, you don't have to bury someone in a gold casket and go out and buy them a brand new suit or dress that no one is going to ever see again. It can be done. You don't need to get 3 or 4 limos for the family to ride in cause everyone drives. We had one limo for my mom, her sister, and my dad to ride in. Everyone else drove our personal cars in the procession. Again, funerals can be expensive but the deceased person doesn't know how much you spent. You can put someone away nicely without breaking the bank.
From my POV, it wasn't offensive. I was $21 and had missed 7 days of work and school. That's a LOT of lost income. I definitely wasn't expecting any help so when I got the card with the check, I was stunned. I used the money for gas and bills.
While I don't agree with every GoFundMe out there, I think it's kind of people to want to help in times of need. People don't expect it or ask for it but when you're dealing with a tragedy, it's appreciated.
Helping is not the issue. Who you are helping is. Had the money been collected for the mom, sure, no problem. But the money is being collected for the kids. A few of them I haven't seen but once in the past 6 months to a year.
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