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At my church a few of us are very close as friends and have grown up together. This past sunday the estranged husband of one of the girls in our little group was shot and killed. Last summer they were working on getting back together and from what I saw it seemed that everything was going good between them. Come to find out they split up again some time later in the year. They have a few kids together who are mostly grown, 18, 19 years old and one of them has a baby of her own. Well, these kids hardly come to church. They may come once every 6 or 8 months or so. Today we get a group text from one of the girls asking if each of us could give $10 each as a donation for the kids. Had we been collecting money for the mom, our friend, I probably wouldn't have a problem with that. You know, to get a flower, to buy some food to take to the house, or just to put in a card. No, the text was specifically for the kids. Yes, the mom is an active member of the church but the kids have gone off on their own and hardy show their face in the place. Am I wrong to not want to give money for this purpose?
Then again, maybe I'm looking at it from the standpoint that about 4 years ago my grandmother passed and it really hit our family hard. There was no donation taken up for me or my kids or mom. Over the years a number of us in the group have experienced loss but this is the first time that we've been asked to give a donation. Why now? Does that make me a bad person?
I hate these "Collection" things. If people want to give, then just give. Don't make a whole dog and pony show out of it. Also, the woman is not together with the guy so there's no loss there. Also, the kids all seem to be on their own --- no financial support from their father so why would they need a "Collection" of money? They don't.
Just send the kids a condolences card. No need to give adult children money because their father died.
Wow... Reading all of your responses I am now mistified as to why on earth you even asked the question here other than looking for a chance to vent. It's quite clear you've already made your decision and are just seeking approval and agreement for this decision.
Don't give the $10 and just leave it alone. And stop throwing around details and justifications regarding the church. It makes all church goers look judgemental and rude. The role of the church has always been to care for others in their community regardless of the persons attendance history, life choices (so what if she had a child out of wedlock?) or situations. The church is not a small little private club that only takes care of its own. It takes care of its community. That's how you show people who Jesus really is - not by sitting in a pew or having coffee in a break room while gossiping about people but by actually serving people and showing them compassion and love.
I have a hard time imagining Jesus being this stingy with $10. You Christians are confusing sometimes. You supposedly follow a guy who was purportedly one of the most generous people ever to walk the planet, yet you obsess over giving $10 to some kids whose dad just died, even when you're good friends with her mom. I'm not trying to guilt you into it. I'm just saying that maybe you should pick a religion with different tenets.
I don't give indiscriminately. I admittedly would give more to for instance homeless people in the past until my Husband kind of balanced me out ( and because of my job I was able to gain more insight into the scam and hustle of many on the street). Still though, I give. God is too good for me not to.
I think there are plenty of people who have a hand out due to pure greed and selfishness and that we should be discerning and use wisdom concerning our giving but this thread and the attitudes expressed reveal, imo that we got a lot of growing to do!
Those who come to Christ can come as you are..... But don't expect to stay that way if you REALLY develop a relationship with Him. Simply goin to church means absolutely nothing!!
So it's not even a collection from the congregation but rather your small group of friends? The whole thing seems odd to me. Here's $60, sorry your dad died?
Around here people might make meals for a family, help with chores, babysit, or spend time with the grieving family. If the death creates a financial hardship, there are fundraisers. But just to give a few dollars in a card is not something I've heard of and I don't see the point in this case.
Whether or not you got something when you lost a family member, and whether or not they go to church, are separate issues for you to make peace with.
No, I don't think this is the case here. The mother is not asking for a donation for her kids. Another group member is. Like I said, had the text said "let's take up a donation for (insert name)," that would have been fine. But the text was for the kids of the mother. These kids were not active in our church nor did they attend. I knew / know both the mother and the deceased father and they are great people. I just don't see myself giving a donation to kids I hardly saw and who are grown themselves.
What did the email say? Doesn't seem like it would total up to much, you said small group. Maybe more a gesture.
You said "last year"...how long ago?
People donate to surviving children here, but usually it is for dependents and the whole community is given mailing info if they would like to contribute to medical and/or burial expenses. They will actually announce it on local news when airing the tragic story.
Unless that type request is part of the email you received I would send a group email, cc the others and ask the person who sent out the request.
At my church a few of us are very close as friends and have grown up together. This past sunday the estranged husband of one of the girls in our little group was shot and killed. Last summer they were working on getting back together and from what I saw it seemed that everything was going good between them. Come to find out they split up again some time later in the year. They have a few kids together who are mostly grown, 18, 19 years old and one of them has a baby of her own. Well, these kids hardly come to church. They may come once every 6 or 8 months or so. Today we get a group text from one of the girls asking if each of us could give $10 each as a donation for the kids. Had we been collecting money for the mom, our friend, I probably wouldn't have a problem with that. You know, to get a flower, to buy some food to take to the house, or just to put in a card. No, the text was specifically for the kids. Yes, the mom is an active member of the church but the kids have gone off on their own and hardy show their face in the place. Am I wrong to not want to give money for this purpose?
Then again, maybe I'm looking at it from the standpoint that about 4 years ago my grandmother passed and it really hit our family hard. There was no donation taken up for me or my kids or mom. Over the years a number of us in the group have experienced loss but this is the first time that we've been asked to give a donation. Why now? Does that make me a bad person?
Jeez ... yet another "compassionate Christian "
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