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I have a woman friend of mine that goes back to when we were 14-15 years old. I'm 44 now, so we've been friends for 30 years. I got married 7 years ago, after knowing my wife for 3, so 10 years total.
When we first got married, I had a sales job where I worked from home. My friend lived in the same town we did, but I didn't have any other friends that lived close by.
When my wife had a work function or was going out with her friends, I would normally call my friend to see if she wanted to hang out or get dinner.
At first, my wife was jealous of this, but it was completely irrational on her part. After spending more time with my friend, she eventually realized there was nothing going on and got over it. But for awhile, she tried to dictate when I was "allowed" to hang out with her, and it caused several arguments. I told her I wasn't about to cut a friend out of my life who had known me for over 20 years because of her insecurities. I meant it too, I would have divorced her if she hadn't come around. I didn't forbid her from seeing any of her friends, I wasn't about to let her do that to me.
My wife had been cheated on by her previous long term boyfriend before me, so I can see where she was coming from to an extent. However, I'm not her ex and I'm not the reason she had trust issues.
As I said, eventually she got over it and she's no longer as jealous or petty about some things like she used to be, but it did cause a lot more drama than it needed to. Some people just can't deal with it. If some people are so concerned that there would be temptation to cheat, I would say that they simply do not possess the willpower to do the right thing.
ThomasCrown:
Regarding the bolded parts in pink...
To me time spent one on one with any opposite sex person is a date... especially dinner.
And it does not matter how long the two of you have been friends.
The three of us do many things together. This weekend the 3 of us are going to Chicago to see a Buddy Guy show. I think my wife sees how her and I relate and interact and it gives the wife a chance to watch for non-verbal clues of infidelity, body language, a look, etc. She sees it's on the level and just isn't concerned. Not to mention, the wife and I are close enough that I don't think a torrid affair could go unnoticed. Sure, my friend and I could do the mattress dance once and get away with it. But an ongoing affair? It would show!
BTW - is that the Steve McQueen or Pierce Brosnan Thomas Crown?
OP:
Regarding the bolded part in pink...
Would you actually do that as a married man?
Would you actually do this considering your female friend is also friends with your wife?
Would your female friend actually do this considering she is friends with you and your wife?
I have no problem with hubby having women friends and he has no problem with me having male friends. We've both been to lunch, dinner, etc. with them without spouse. I still consider them just good friends and my hubby as my best friend.
Unless she's a long time friend that you knew before you met your wife then it's inappropriate. Even if she is a long time friend then your wife should present when you're hanging out with her.
Are you attracted to your female friend in any way?
In any way covers a lot of territory. We're friends, we enjoy each other's company in the way that good friends do, so yea, I am attracted to her in that way. Am I suppressing sexual desire for her, no. Nor do I believe she thinks like that about me, either.
We really just like hanging out. We both shoot pool league so on a Friday or Saturday night we meet and practice for a few hours and go home. Maybe if a movie is playing we're both interested in we'll see a matinee, just friend stuff.
Unless she's a long time friend that you knew before you met your wife then it's inappropriate. Even if she is a long time friend then your wife should present when you're hanging out with her.
^^^^^ This
I agree with this.
Any activity that the OP and his female friend engage in, his wife needs to be present.
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