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Recently my grand-niece graduated college. She lives all the way across the country from me, so I really never get to see her, but I do send a check every holiday (which is never acknowledged, btw.) So far I have received neither thanks nor even acknowledgement that she received the check (which I'm certain she did). I know I'm an old baby-boomer broad, but is it expecting too much to at least get a "Hey, got your check. THX." email or txt from her?
Something my mom told me awhile ago: 'Never expect anything from anybody.' She didn't really elaborate, and left that for me to figure out. It took me awhile, but I actually woke up from a dead sleep one day, a few years later, and the revelation was right there in my mind.
It meant that when we put expectations on others, and they don't follow through, that's on us, not them.
It's a concept that I have shared several times over the years, and many, many, many people get upset, argue it, whatever. I have taken on what my mom told me, and I have found my life much more peaceful. I don't expect anything from anyone. (Barring politicians - but this isn't the forum for that.)
Having said that, I find it extremely rude that the receiver can't even take a few seconds out of their day to thank you for the thoughtful gift. But that's on them.
My mom (long deceased) had three kids - myself and my two brothers. She sent checks to all of her grandchildren for the usual occasions but only received thank you cards or calls from my kids. For years my mom would call me after sending checks to her other grandchildren and complain at length about this to me.
These calls ruined many otherwise pleasant evenings for me because even though her anger wasn't directed at me, I still had to listen to her rants over and over again. She failed to grasp that her anger affected other people. I had told her many times to either stop sending the checks or call her sons and complain to them instead of me. Of course she did neither.
I miss my mom very much and we had a close and loving relationship but I don't regret my advice to her. I wish she had taken it because it would have eliminated so many unpleasant phone conversations and possibly changed the situation for the better if she had talked to her sons about it instead of me.
My mom was actually the one who perpetuated this ongoing situation. Experience showed that she wasn't going to get the "thank you" that she rightfully wished for but she continued to send the checks anyway, refused to speak to the people who might have been able to change it (her sons) and she continued to be hurt and upset about it and spread her anger to others who had done nothing wrong.
Something my mom told me awhile ago: 'Never expect anything from anybody.' She didn't really elaborate, and left that for me to figure out. It took me awhile, but I actually woke up from a dead sleep one day, a few years later, and the revelation was right there in my mind.
It meant that when we put expectations on others, and they don't follow through, that's on us, not them.
It's a concept that I have shared several times over the years, and many, many, many people get upset, argue it, whatever. I have taken on what my mom told me, and I have found my life much more peaceful. I don't expect anything from anyone. (Barring politicians - but this isn't the forum for that.)
Having said that, I find it extremely rude that the receiver can't even take a few seconds out of their day to thank you for the thoughtful gift. But that's on them.
You teach people how to treat you by what you accept and don’t accept. While I agree that if someone can’t take a few seconds to say Thankyou and that it’s on them, it’s a clear message to me . I expect to be treated with reciprocal courtesy and when it doesn’t happen I move on. I don’t choose to reward bad behaviour.
You teach people how to treat you by what you accept and don’t accept. While I agree that if someone can’t take a few seconds to say Thankyou and that it’s on them, it’s a clear message to me . I expect to be treated with reciprocal courtesy and when it doesn’t happen I move on. I don’t choose to reward bad behaviour.
Yes. That's exactly right. If you can't accept how they act, then you don't. If you say that you can, then don't get upset when they act exactly as they do.
I do the same. If I believe that someone has treated me poorly, I don't accept it, and I move on. I don't 'expect' them to do anything, I simply make the choice that I will not accept being treated poorly.
Wow! I can't believe people are still responding to this thread. Anyway, I don't send checks to the grand-niece or nephews anymore, or even my remaining nieces or nephew. We're all at an age that a simple card will do. At most I get a phone call twice a year, and that suffices nicely (they live far away). It works for me.
Wow! I can't believe people are still responding to this thread. Anyway, I don't send checks to the grand-niece or nephews anymore, or even my remaining nieces or nephew. We're all at an age that a simple card will do. At most I get a phone call twice a year, and that suffices nicely (they live far away). It works for me.
I think most people know it's an old thread so they aren't actually responding to the original post but rather they're (we're) discussing the topic which is one that many people have had to deal with. Posts like this have staying power because the problem isn't related to just the person who first posted it.
No, it is not asking too much or expecting too much. Any time a person receives any sort of gift from anyone, regardless who it is from or how far away, they should reciprocate with a genuine thank you. However, most of the kids these days weren't raised that way and have no clue that they are being rude, inappreciative and disrespectful.
I say don't send any more gifts, it will only save you money. They weren't appreciated or they would have called and thanked you in person. They can "take them or leave them" so why not just stop sending them? What part of your life is that going to change? Everything is still the same you just have more money than you did.
If she never thanked you for the others why would you expect her to start now? BTW if you want to mail a check to someone who'd thank you, I'm available and quite grateful.
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