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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
I would have to disown my parents completely and my children have a wonderful relationship with my parents. They would be debased if we cut ties with my family.
There is a huge freaking gap between having to see your parents every day, or dining with them as they ______ talk one's spouse in public vs. disowning someone and cutting all times. And you freaking know it.
Just as there is a gigantic difference between marrying a single parent and marrying a single parent whose life is, well, iffy and makes poor decision after poor decision.
So give me a break. You're not inciting this thread with this crud.
There is a huge freaking gap between having to see your parents every day, or dining with them as they ______ talk one's spouse in public vs. disowning someone and cutting all times. And you freaking know it.
Just as there is a gigantic difference between marrying a single parent and marrying a single parent whose life is, well, iffy and makes poor decision after poor decision.
So give me a break. You're not inciting this thread with this crud.
My parents live a few miles from me, so yes we see them daily and eat dinner with them at least three evenings a week
I think that people who are mixed are cool looking. I always have and I've always been sorta envious of them. I'm a plain ol boring vanilla white guy.
Here in So Cal you see all kinds of interesting racial mixes. I saw this woman one time who was part Asian and part black. She was amazing looking.
People need to lighten up on the race thing, in another hundred yrs we're all gonna be some shade of tan by then most likely anyways.
Thank you.
I don't think mixed people are all that. They always say mixed children are the cutest, all the blah blah. Nah, I think it all depends. I see beautiful people everywhere.
I think most people still feel comfortable dating within their own races. That is fine. Nothing racist about it.
OP's mom is entitled to her own opinion and I am sure she has her son's best interests in her mind.
While I personally do not accept racism, I don't necessarily think everyone that's racist are automatically bad people. Because let's face it, I'm sure we've all met many people that are racist.
I'm in no way saying it's okay, but I let people believe what they wanna believe.
But once again, I would not allow anyone to disrespect my lover, don't care if it were a parent or the guy next door.
While I personally do not accept racism, I don't necessarily think everyone that's racist are automatically bad people. Because let's face it, I'm sure we've all met many people that are racist.
I'm in no way saying it's okay, but I let people believe what they wanna believe.
But once again, I would not allow anyone to disrespect my lover, don't care if it were a parent or the guy next door.
That is a great attitude. I am with you there.
My boyfriend is from the south, Alabama to be exact. He is a country boy. When he took me to his hometown, geeze, that is the ultimate cultural shock. But I genuine love the culture there. They treat me very well because i came from a military family and my brother was a badass special force guy.
Culture there is very different. I don't think they are necessarily bad people, just... different.
Would greatly appreciate some advice. I am 32 and have been married to an asian woman for a year and a half after two years of dating. She is from Japan but has been in the U. S. for nine years and originally came here for university and has managed to get a great job. She does occasionally go back to see her family and I have gone with her once and had a great time.
The issue is my mother has never approved of it and has been nasty to me and my wife. When we went to stay with her for a week when my wife (then girlfriend at the time) would try to talk to her she would ignore her or even try to make her clean or other things. My mother has told me I am being selfish and saying things like "she just wants you for your money" and "if you have kids they won't even look like you".
It's not exactly the first time she has displayed such behavior when I was younger and would tell her I was dating she would ask what part of town she was in and say things that would definitely not be politically correct. She is 57 so I get part of it could be her age but I have told her this is the woman I love and that's that.
My father passed several years ago so he never got to meet her but I think he would be more understanding.
I just wonder if at her age there is much I can do to change her mind.
I would inform my mother she may not personally accept my choice but she would have to accept being civil around and towards my wife and my situation.
You cannot change how someone feels or wants to act, but you can draw lines in the sand over how someone treats a situation by disengaging them when they attempt to "go their" time and time again.
She either understands how to behave and create a shared respect system and keep her feelings in order or you begin to limit your interacts and time with her when she starts with the talks of open disapproval.
If you have nothing of value to offer either way except contact points for conflict you can't expect people you engage with to want to engage with you...family or not.
Last edited by rego00123; 08-09-2016 at 01:34 PM..
While I personally do not accept racism, I don't necessarily think everyone that's racist are automatically bad people. Because let's face it, I'm sure we've all met many people that are racist.
I'm in no way saying it's okay, but I let people believe what they wanna believe.
But once again, I would not allow anyone to disrespect my lover, don't care if it were a parent or the guy next door.
Most of the time when someone has racist beliefs they don't typically have any real power over someone, for the most part. I mean the racist guy on the street isn't necessarily in charge of hiring or has a house to rent to someone or some other form of "access" for a non-white person. So at the end of the day it's just some a hole sitting on a barstool in the local pub talking crap, but whatever. You can't control what's inside someone's head, we can just put laws in place to try and protect people as best as we can.
There are ways around it of course, I mean in the terms of the job a black person as long as the interviewer was polite and respectful they wouldn't never really know why didn't get the job because the color of their skin or not.
I interviewed for a job a while back with a small company, 13 employees I think they said it was, I met with the owner directly, for our first interview we actually met up at a happy hour and had a couple of beers. I have long hair in a pony tail and he asked me if I was native American. I could see his brain calculating on how it would benefit his business to have a minority on his pay role. Heck he openly made a joke along those lines. Which I found to be a little unprofessional, it wasn't like he was hammered, he had two beers.
Yes, racism isn't as much of a problem as it used to be, but don't kid yourself, that sweet old lady down the street could be harboring some nasty vitriolic ideas.....
My boyfriend is from the south, Alabama to be exact. He is a country boy. When he took me to his hometown, geeze, that is the ultimate cultural shock. But I genuine love the culture there. They treat me very well because i came from a military family and my brother was a badass special force guy.
Culture there is very different. I don't think they are necessarily bad people, just... different.
Yeah 57 is actually not that old or even in the "Old fashioned" generation.
My dad was 50 when he died, born in 1963 and he was one of the more racist people I've ever personally met. And he grew up and spent most of his life in New Jersey. I do find that people born in the 40's and prior are maybe a little more openly racist than those younger. Although a lot of the hippie generation was born in the 40's too. Though I think there's also plenty of people born in the 90's and sadly even 00's that are racist and were raised that way. Plenty of people born in the early 80's like myself as well.
The only racist in my family is a millennial. He gets it from the internet and "those" websites. I don't think he will change much, it's pretty deep. He's open about it like the someone from the 1930s might have been, it's like all progress for generations went down the drain.
No one needs this kind of tension in their families, it's stupid.
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