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I think the OP has unfair expectations from someone, who, basically is a stranger after so many years. Mindy is flaky, so are many others.
The two things we must expect from any kind of friendship are respect and consideration. After that, it gets subjective.
People have a limitless capacity to disappoint. Try not to be too dependant on anyone or have too many expectations on their behavior as it relates to your own wishes and you'll be better off.
When it comes to friendships or relationships in general I only put in as much effort as they do. It sounds like this is a one sided friendship and I would have stopped talking to her along time ago. You said you were friends from high school well you are not in high school anymore maybe you just out grew each other. Break the lease and let the friendship go.
Not sure what your point is here. Even if the lease termination fee is equal to one month's rent (and it may not be) paying it is cheaper than holding up the contractual obligation of 12 months' rent.
If this is truly an isolated area, it may not be easy to break a lease. I have known people who broke a lease early and had to pay the full six or eight months rent that was left on the lease. In my daughter's old apartment the lease termination fee was 20% of the rent for the rest of the entire lease if someone else moved in or the entire rent if the landlord could not find another renter. The rent was a $1,200 a month so the woman who signed the lease but never moved in paid $240 a month ($2,880) just to break the lease but lucky for her, it could have been worse.it could have been $14,400.
At my current apartment there is not any "lease termination fee". You are obligated to pay the full rent until you find someone to take over your lease. I specifically asked about it when I signed a new lease. The manager said that they "may" allow me to break the lease
for medical reasons if both people on the lease (my husband and I) need to go into a nursing home or something similar but if just one of us needs to leave due to medical reasons the lease still stands as written.
When you are older and alone, it isn't a good idea as a rule to move to a remote area. Even if you had one single friend in the area, that is not a good idea because you can't depend on that kind of a friend to fill your life.
I don't think she is a bad friend but she isn't a lifeline. She never was supposed to be. That isn't what a friend is. She has her own life and there are places where your lives intersect, but she makes choices based on what is best for her.
You are supposed to make choices on what is best for you.
You two discussed a plan that wasn't very practical. She ended up finding a situation that was better for her and so she took advantage of it. That is what she should have done. She didn't do anything wrong.
To me, it sounds like you are dependent on this friend, or became so and that was your mistake. Your life doesn't revolve around a friend.
If you had a more committed plan and decided to pool your resources to live together and share housing, that would be a different story. Just as it would be a different story to move in with a 'boyfriend'. The relationship is the focal point in a situation like that. It sounds to me that you were making the relationship a focal point, when it wasn't.
That is on you. Don't blame the friend for your neediness. That is why she doesn't 'get it' because it is hard to understand your thought process.
I am not trying to be mean, because I am on your side. I am just trying to put the situation into perspective.
What I would do maybe, is take this as an opportunity and make the move. I believe that there is a reason for everything and sometimes mistakes are really opportunities. You don't know what opportunity awaits you and maybe there is something in this new area that will benefit you.
That is one possibility that you might consider. See where life takes you because sometimes you have to take risks.
This is a one year commitment, not a lifetime commitment.
I agree that this situation turned out to be better for her. But please don't think that she wasn't all in when she came with me to look for places. She was really excited that I was moving close to her. We were making plans for things we were going to do once we were there. We had been in this process for about a month before I actually signed a lease, and when I did, it was when she was less than a week away from her move. So I don't think that it was impractical for me to assume she was going to actually make the move.
And I don't think that translates into "neediness." I have other friends and a whole lot of family, so she isn't the only person I have in my life. But we were going to embark on an adventure together and she backed out at the last minute, when I was at a point where I couldn't back out. I don't think I am out of line to be a little pissed about that.
I know I alone am responsible for my own life, and that she needs to do what is best for her as well. I get that and I agree with that. The thing that has me questioning the value of this friendship is her total apathy to my feelings. If she had come to me and apologized, expressed any regret whatsoever for changing her plans knowing how that would affect me, I would have been okay with it. But she is of the view that backing out within five days should not be upsetting to me in any way. She simply thinks I need to get over it.
Which I will. But I will probably "get over it" without her in my future.
As for the lease, I have talked to the landlord. He will not let me out of it unless he can rent it before October 1st. After that, I will be responsible for the rent whether I am living there or not. As as I cannot afford to pay two rents, I will most likely make the move and see what comes of it.
I believe things happen for a reason, so maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. Either way, I'll be fine. Just a little sadder and wiser.
I also wanted to add, the friendship might have deteriorated even more if you had wound up living together. I've seen many people who were best friends become roommates, and then didn't get along living together. And then they weren't friends anymore.
I agree that this situation turned out to be better for her. But please don't think that she wasn't all in when she came with me to look for places. She was really excited that I was moving close to her. We were making plans for things we were going to do once we were there. We had been in this process for about a month before I actually signed a lease, and when I did, it was when she was less than a week away from her move. So I don't think that it was impractical for me to assume she was going to actually make the move.
And I don't think that translates into "neediness." I have other friends and a whole lot of family, so she isn't the only person I have in my life. But we were going to embark on an adventure together and she backed out at the last minute, when I was at a point where I couldn't back out. I don't think I am out of line to be a little pissed about that.
I know I alone am responsible for my own life, and that she needs to do what is best for her as well. I get that and I agree with that. The thing that has me questioning the value of this friendship is her total apathy to my feelings. If she had come to me and apologized, expressed any regret whatsoever for changing her plans knowing how that would affect me, I would have been okay with it. But she is of the view that backing out within five days should not be upsetting to me in any way. She simply thinks I need to get over it.
Which I will. But I will probably "get over it" without her in my future.
As for the lease, I have talked to the landlord. He will not let me out of it unless he can rent it before October 1st. After that, I will be responsible for the rent whether I am living there or not. As as I cannot afford to pay two rents, I will most likely make the move and see what comes of it.
I believe things happen for a reason, so maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. Either way, I'll be fine. Just a little sadder and wiser.
I see your point, that she should have at least apologized for leading you along and pulling the rug out. She could have been compassionate or at least have taken responsibility for being a big fat flake. I am compassionate and I am not your best friend from high school.
I did think that she 'wasn't all in' when she went with you looking for places. Thanks for clarifying. That does make the situation more clear and it does seem weird on her end. If she had a secret vendetta against you and was planning revenge for all these years it would be a devious move. I am sure that is not the case, but it could be a movie of the week.
I am glad you believe that things happen for a reason because I do also. That scenario is such a tricky way to get you to move. It is quite curious.
I am sure I will get taunted for saying that but that is how things work in my life. I might end up doing something I would never willingly do if events didn't force me into it. Later I can look back and see how things turned out. Don't expect to be sadder. It is an adventure.
You mentioned your daughter moving out. It is time for that but it still is an empty nest and that is a big adjustment also.
At my current apartment there is not any "lease termination fee". You are obligated to pay the full rent until you find someone to take over your lease. I specifically asked about it when I signed a new lease. The manager said that they "may" allow me to break the lease
for medical reasons if both people on the lease (my husband and I) need to go into a nursing home or something similar but if just one of us needs to leave due to medical reasons the lease still stands as written.
Everything's negotiable, one way or another. You just need leverage.
I realize your situation is very, very different from that of most people and you have financial constraints. But if I found myself in the OP's position I would hire legal help that specializes in landlord/tenant law, assist him or her in finding illegal deficiencies in the property and when they said, "No lease termination fee" I would say, "Let's talk about the secret shopper we sent in last week who was told by your manager that she wouldn't want to live here because the tenants are [elderly|single] and she has a child. That's a violation of federal Fair Housing laws. I'm offering one month's rent as an early termination fee. Who should I make the check out to?"
That's WAY overboard for someone who rather rashly decided to move to a remote area with a friend also moving to such area. Why does everyone jump to "legal" "sue", etc.? I also highly doubt there was some secret shopper in a remote area. Whole post is silly IMO.
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