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Unless you secretly enjoy rubbing your better looks in her face, I'm not sure why you keep hanging around this person?
Either confront her directly and tell her you find it hurtful when she says such things and you will end the friendship if this continues, or continue to ignore her and learn to let go if you think she is so well intentioned.
Personally, I'ld kick her to the curb. Real friends should not make you feel bad about yourself.
I've known my best friend for many many years. Now, throughout the years, she'd made comparison comments here and there ranging from she's a better thinker than me, her legs and butt are better than mine, and now.....her boyfriend is better than mine. Because she's a very sensitive person, I don't lash back at her with meaner comments but it just irritates me.
For some months now, she's been commenting on how her boyfriend would never date a woman like me, how I'm this and that, and how he's so not into such type of women. These comments are so effin' weird. She also talks about her great sex life, her intimate moments with him, how hard his penis gets, what dates they went on, pictures of his gifts to her, etc.
Now, I have no interest whatsoever in her boyfriend, it's her relationship, why the hell am I even in the picture, and I don't compare my boyfriends to hers.
Now, this other thing I'm dealing with is, her man looks at me. Not once, not twice, but every time he checks me out when she's not looking. At first I thought surely I'm bananas, but no, my sister hung out with us a few times and yep, he looks.
This whole scenario puts me in an awkward situation.
Go back and read what you wrote, a sensitive person. Yes, only when it comes to her feelings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shimmy00
Sounds like narcissism. These people never change and will drain the life out of you. Walk away
That's exactly what it sounds like, you are so right they're never wrong, lie and keep lying even after the lie is shown to be a lie, as you said drain the life out of you.
The good thing this is a "friend", not a family member living under the same roof.
Like I said, she can be really great, she can tell me, oh you're pretty, you're smart, you're such a great friend....and then these weird ass comments which leave me hanging.
But I'll man up. I'll call her out in a polite way. And yeah, there's a strong chance she'll be like, oh you're imagining things.
Sweetie, please take a few minutes and Google "narcissistic traits", she has them in spades. Including when you call them out on their bad behavior the classic line is "you're imagining things".
Have you ever gotten the silent treatment if you do something that displeases her? Like for a week or two. You do nothing wrong other than not follow their commands and you're the bad one. It could be anything as simple as not going out to dinner with them, when they want you to. So here comes the silent treatment.
You deserve better than this, before you end up getting married one day and she does something to try and ruin your wedding.
I've known my best friend for many many years. Now, throughout the years, she'd made comparison comments here and there ranging from she's a better thinker than me, her legs and butt are better than mine, and now.....her boyfriend is better than mine. Because she's a very sensitive person, I don't lash back at her with meaner comments but it just irritates me.
For some months now, she's been commenting on how her boyfriend would never date a woman like me, how I'm this and that, and how he's so not into such type of women. These comments are so effin' weird. She also talks about her great sex life, her intimate moments with him, how hard his penis gets, what dates they went on, pictures of his gifts to her, etc.
Now, I have no interest whatsoever in her boyfriend, it's her relationship, why the hell am I even in the picture, and I don't compare my boyfriends to hers.
Now, this other thing I'm dealing with is, her man looks at me. Not once, not twice, but every time he checks me out when she's not looking. At first I thought surely I'm bananas, but no, my sister hung out with us a few times and yep, he looks.
This whole scenario puts me in an awkward situation.
if you grow old to 60, 70 80 or older, you might find ONE true blue friend in your entire life. Friends are hard to find, you didn't find one, but didn't realize it yet.
No, she is very far from being narcissistic. However, all her life she has struggled immensely with her self-image, both the physical and intellectual.
I suppose I can understand why she made those comments- she was afraid her boyfriend would find me prettier and so, she decided best way to eliminate the competition is to tell him how I'm not his type of girl. Subconscious. Well, I do not even like him and true friends don't steal each others' boyfriends.
I will say, she has made an improvement in recent months. She's gotten engaged, and these comments have gotten much rarer, I suppose because she feels she's secured him. However, she has asked whether she is better looking than her boyfriend. I said both are the same in looks to appease her and she got angry at me.
I suppose I am angry at myself more so because I let her insecurity dictate my actions. When she'd make weird comments, I'd lower my head in silence.
Overall, she can be very nice, very sweet, very encouraging, very supportive. I guess her insecurity is always going to be a part of her. But I won't swallow her weird comments anymore.
Friendship shouldn't be a competition. She is probably jealous because she knows he looks at you. But she shouldn't be taking that out on you. She's a bad friend. I bet she's the type who would get mad at the "other woman" rather than him, if he cheated
EVERY single word of this post is true. Plus a prior comment regarding getting a better class of friends.
I have seen this way more times than anyone should.
I had to drop a couple of friends a few years ago for inane behavior. You seriously should consider the same, no matter how long you have been "friends."
Why do people come her looking for advice and totally ignore it? At least a dozen times someone has suggested you drop this "friend" but instead of listening you make excuses for her. If she's not so bad then why did you start this thread to begin with? What were you looking for?
I've known my best friend for many many years. Now, throughout the years, she'd made comparison comments here and there ranging from she's a better thinker than me, her legs and butt are better than mine, and now.....her boyfriend is better than mine. Because she's a very sensitive person, I don't lash back at her with meaner comments but it just irritates me.
For some months now, she's been commenting on how her boyfriend would never date a woman like me, how I'm this and that, and how he's so not into such type of women. These comments are so effin' weird. She also talks about her great sex life, her intimate moments with him, how hard his penis gets, what dates they went on, pictures of his gifts to her, etc.
Now, I have no interest whatsoever in her boyfriend, it's her relationship, why the hell am I even in the picture, and I don't compare my boyfriends to hers.
Now, this other thing I'm dealing with is, her man looks at me. Not once, not twice, but every time he checks me out when she's not looking. At first I thought surely I'm bananas, but no, my sister hung out with us a few times and yep, he looks.
This whole scenario puts me in an awkward situation.
This is not a "friend" certainly not a best friend. You are being used by her to battle her own insecurities.
A friend does not put another friend down, even if they feel negative they should be trying to build their friend up. If you ask a friend for advise, or to critique you, then they should be honest for your own good.
But never just taking jabs at you just to be mean as you've described.
This is obviously bothering you, and if you were honest it has bothered you for a long time. Think about what it might feel like if this was not part of your dialogue with your "friend"
Is there anything else that gets talked about, do you have fun times? Or, has it begun to feel like she is constantly berating you, with nothing else that is redeeming of her behavior and words towards you.
Have you asked her to stop, and had a discussion with her about how her words are making you feel?
Process the above questions. Perhaps try if you think the relationship has real merit to discuss your feelings. Her response will tell you her true intentions. If she treats you like you are being overly sensitive and you sense she just does not care if this jabs hurt you....Then walk away.
If she cares, and makes an effort to be less negative and changes her comments, then the friendship may have a chance.
You owe it to yourself to live the best life you can. That includes not allowing others to belittle you.
Either way....I would suggest that you start distancing yourself from this person. Life is often challenging enough without having your ego and self worth attacked constantly.
Look for friendships in people like you.
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