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He needs to be medically evaluated. There are also useful suggestions on how to cope in the link above.
I agree with this. Two of the first signs of dementia my mom showed were anxiety over every little thing, and following whoever was in the house around asking them innumerable questions.
If it's anxiety disorder common in the elderly and not the onset of dementia, there are relatively mild (not many side effects) medications that can help. My SIL's mother became much more reasonable for her to deal with after the doctor prescribed a low dose of Paxil. I worked with a woman who alienated everyone in the office with her constant hand-wringing and obsessive thought patterns and a medication helped her, too.
The problem is getting the person to see they NEED help. But if he's disturbing his son's necessary sleep, this shouldn't even be open for discussion. Best of luck.
He says I'm lying about conversations we have had, such as me asking him multiple times to stop doing something (I don't need help. Please, FIL, I am fine, I don't need need help. Please stop it!!!!). I'd like to blame memory but I'm also noticing an inability to respect boundaries and an unawareness of when he is upsetting/imposing.
My spouse and I have discussed asking him to leave. To move back. Financially, it's not an issue for us. But I foresee this as causing nothing but upset for everyone in the long-term.
I am only 30 and raising two little kids, my oldest is 5 and disabled. I truly don't have any energy to cope with this, especially as I am left to deal with him all day while my spouse works.
He says I'm lying about conversations we have had, such as me asking him multiple times to stop doing something (I don't need help. Please, FIL, I am fine, I don't need need help. Please stop it!!!!). I'd like to blame memory but I'm also noticing an inability to respect boundaries and an unawareness of when he is upsetting/imposing.
My spouse and I have discussed asking him to leave. To move back. Financially, it's not an issue for us. But I foresee this as causing nothing but upset for everyone in the long-term.
I am only 30 and raising two little kids, my oldest is 5 and disabled. I truly don't have any energy to cope with this, especially as I am left to deal with him all day while my spouse works.
The inability to respect boundaries and an unawareness of when someone is imposing are pretty normal for the beginning of dementia. So is getting mad when someone expresses concern, and refusing to see a doctor. And following you around asking you questions, and being suspicious of you.
It only gets more difficult as time goes on, and it affects your kids too, especially when the relative gets to the stage where they don't recognize the kids as their relatives and behave inappropriately with them or scream at them or other unpleasant things. It's really hard when you're raising young kids and trying to deal with a parent with dementia. My dad's dementia got to the point where he chases my kids around the house and waves his fists at them and says things to make them cry. Both of my kids have OCD and the grandpa situation caused a major flare for both of them. I can't visit my dad at his house without the kids because I'm really allergic to my mom's cats, and my dad can't go anywhere that doesn't have a lock on the door to keep him from running away, so I haven't seen him since Easter. I'm really sad about it but I have to protect my kids.
You really need to get him to see his doctor or have someone come to the house and evaluate him. This doesn't seem like normal aging, perhaps as some have suggested it is the beginning of dementia. He may have been able to hide it before but now that you are all living together, it is impossible to hide.
Having him evaluated will determine how you proceed. If you can't afford to have him live with you (and it sounds like you can't. It would be too much for you to deal with right now and you need to take care of your family first), you will have to look into assisted living or nursing homes. There are also legal and financial issues that will need to be addressed, especially if you are his only living relatives. Call some of the places that were recommended to you and get some advice.
Yes, this is sounding more and more like dementia. He needs a good specialist. There are some medications these days that can slow the progression of the disease.
Thank you. I do agree he needs to be seen, although in my heart I suspect this is more anxiety than dementia. But I'm no doctor, and that's a doctor's job. He has no doctor here but is visiting a specialist next month - my spouse may try to call and ask. I'm not sure they will accept that. But FIL is adamant that he's totally fine and extremely resentful at any suggestion otherwise.
Financially, he has an exceptionally good pension, money is not a single fuss here. It really is about a clash of lifestyle and possible health concern. He has asked for a "sit down" with husband about me, so who knows, maybe he's already ready to leave on his own.
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