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Don't give up. I can tell you're a nice person, someone along the way will wake up to that. In the meantime...WE'RE HERE!
Thanks for your suggestions, I will look into them. I will say, though, that I have joined a lot of different groups since moving here. I have invited other gals out for lunch, dinner and coffee and have had a nice time, but it never blossomed into a friendship.
People are "crazy busy"--though I'm not--and always use that as their excuse. It bugs the crap out of me.
Oh, I've also gotten in touch with a bunch of alums from my undergrad school to get together for coffee, etc. They all seemed so interested in meeting up, but after one meeting, that was it.
Everyone already has their friends. Many people are surprised when we tell them why we moved here--for a change of scenery, and that we moved here not knowing anyone, and having no family anywhere nearby.
I also think that when you're in your early thirties, as we are, and you have no kids, that it's harder to make friends. Most people we meet here in DC who are in their late 20's/early 30's are either single or, rarely, married couples with kids. There aren't very many married couples without kids in this age group. Many single gals don't seem to want to be friends with married gals.
I moved with the last year too... I actually moved from DC. I loved DC, I loved my neighborhood (Adams Morgan). I moved there with some friends from grad school, so I had a bit of a built in network. But I also met some really great people at work. Maybe it depends on where you work, or the type of organization.
Now I have moved to what I consider a tiny, suburban town. Most people here get married when the are 20 or younger, or they have 2, 3 or 4 kids at my age. And when I have met the wives of guys my husband has met, they don't like to get out and do activities I like, such as skiing, biking or hiking.
I'm an outgoing and chatty person, and I enjoy talking with others. At work, I like to chat with the other women but I feel that they're not very interested in me. It's disheartening. I'm tired of always being the initiator.
Today, for instance, I was chatting with one co-worker about her weekend. I always ask questions to the other person to show my interest, because I am genuinely interested. She didn't ask me about mine, and she seemed to want to get back to work. This kind of thing is always happening--I show interest in the other person and it's not reciprocated.
Maybe I need a friend coach--someone who can tell me if I'm doing something wrong when I try to make friends. Though I never had problems making friends in college or grad school, but then again, those were environments where making friends comes easily.
I'm an outgoing and chatty person, and I enjoy talking with others. At work, I like to chat with the other women but I feel that they're not very interested in me. It's disheartening. I'm tired of always being the initiator.
Today, for instance, I was chatting with one co-worker about her weekend. I always ask questions to the other person to show my interest, because I am genuinely interested. She didn't ask me about mine, and she seemed to want to get back to work. This kind of thing is always happening--I show interest in the other person and it's not reciprocated.
Maybe I need a friend coach--someone who can tell me if I'm doing something wrong when I try to make friends. Though I never had problems making friends in college or grad school, but then again, those were environments where making friends comes easily.
Exactly. I'm a shy person and I hate being the initiator as it is. When the other person doesn't show interest makes it worse.
I move to where I am at a year ago and have yet to make any new friends. I'm shy and pretty much a loaner. I tell myself I am meant to be alone, but that doesn't make the loneliness go away.
I don't think you should assume you're doing anything wrong - it sounds like you've really put yourself out there and been outgoing and friendly.
I also think that you have the right attitude - okay, you tried - so now what? I don't think there's anything wrong with not having any friends and I would be glad I no longer felt pangs of lonliness.
You sound like a great person to me; I"m sure it's not you.
Personally, I don't have many friends and I've decided I like it! I do what I want, when I want, and I spend my time with the people that I love and no putting up with drama and B.S.
I'm an outgoing and chatty person, and I enjoy talking with others. At work, I like to chat with the other women but I feel that they're not very interested in me. It's disheartening. I'm tired of always being the initiator.
Today, for instance, I was chatting with one co-worker about her weekend. I always ask questions to the other person to show my interest, because I am genuinely interested. She didn't ask me about mine, and she seemed to want to get back to work. This kind of thing is always happening--I show interest in the other person and it's not reciprocated.
Maybe I need a friend coach--someone who can tell me if I'm doing something wrong when I try to make friends. Though I never had problems making friends in college or grad school, but then again, those were environments where making friends comes easily.
Truly, I don't think the problem is you - you don't need a coach. Your co-workers might though.
I have moved around a lot in my life. I'm outgoing too, love to make friends and have a good time. That has been harder in some places than others. It boggles the mind. I'm friendly, don't come on too strong, yet some places just didn't click, and other places (like where I live now) I know tons of people.
Where did you live before you moved to D.C.? Did you come from an area where people are more open and warm? There are certainly regional differences in the way relate to each other. It might take another move for you, to a place where people are as friendly as you are. These people sound like a drag.
Wow! I know it can happen. You know where you notice it? At a Barnes and Noble cafe or a Starbucks. There are a lot of people who go in there by themselves, surfing the web on their laptops, and doing this habitually.
I think people just "throw up their hands" when they don't find people that aren't their cup of tea. This sort of happened to me when I lived for a few years in Nevada, though people at work were cool, there was plenty of opportunity to go to lunch or happy hours with people, but not to the depth where you would want them as good friends. Also, the people I saw around town were NO ONE I wanted to know.
If you think this is tough, try it as a single person. It's even harder.
As for those groups, you might find them kind of THIN. I know that I joined a Toastmasters group in Nevada the brief time that I lived there and there was NO ONE I wanted to hang out with. I've joined Toastmasters in other places, such as in California, and made friends that I still know!
DC is weird. That "rotating door" syndrome there makes it weird if you are tied into the government. If your job is more "immune" from political swings, this shouldn't be happening....I don't think it's you....
DC is weird. That "rotating door" syndrome there makes it weird if you are tied into the government. If your job is more "immune" from political swings, this shouldn't be happening....
Are you familiar with D.C.? Is this how people usually behave there? I'm sure Doglover29 needs insight like this so she knows it's not her.
I know people from the Philadelphia area that moved to California about 20 years ago. They moved back within 2 years because they couldn't connect with people. Said they were friendly at first, but kind of disconnected. Yet, my cousin moved to California about 5 years ago and absolutely loves it. She has tons of friends, a new boyfriend, and her 2 dogs have lots of 'friends' from their dog park too. It's just interesting how different places will work for one but not the other. Believe me, I know what that is like and it's no fun.
DM me anytime if you just want someone to listen.That's what friends are for,especially to listen.You're right about having kids would be a way to meet others, but then you'd have to listen to them whine and cry!
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