Your "I'm Alone on the Holidays" Thread (acquaintance, money, talks)

[Klassyhk]

Originally Posted by seain dublin

Well than you should have entitled your threat "I'm Alone on the Holidays and that's exactly the way I want it", and that's just fine. Nothing wrong with that.

But you didn't do that.

You were looking for people to question it, than got a chip on your shoulder about it.

Most of the people who asked why you were going to alone, weren't gloating, just asking how this happened.

No, I think she gave the appropriate label for her thread. It was intended for those who are/were spending it ALONE. Some of us came to this thread and shared our stories about spending the holidays alone. It's for people who can relate and whom it's applicable. That's the point of the thread. It's labeled appropriately for the persons it was intended for.

You and others appear have tried to make it something other than that. Perhaps you guys have "projected" on to this thread your own issues, fear, and/or revulsion of being "alone". That's the only reason I can think of as to why some of you have a problem with OP due to how she entitled her thread, were quick to try and pinpoint blame and a reason why she's (or anyone else) is alone for the holidays, given unwarranted advice about what to do with the time (go volunteer so you can make FRIENDS and this won't happen to you on future holidays), other schemes on how to "fix" this PROBLEM, came here and posted their own self-absorbed stories about spending it with others/holiday dating/or about married couples only having each other to spend the holidays with, and other irrelevant posts.

[Travelassie]

Originally Posted by njquestions

Suggestion: go to a post-Thanksgiving Black Friday (on Thursday) shopping event and you will no longer want to be around people. Ever again.

That is a good idea, LOL. And many retailers have even been starting Black Friday on Thanksgiving Thursday afternoon, so anyone wanting to go that route can spend Thanksgiving afternoons with throngs of shoppers.

[sheerbliss]

Originally Posted by seain dublin

Did you move to a new city to start this new job? It doesn't sound like you did. You don't have one friend who thought to invite you? I'm not trying to be mean, I wonder how there isn't someone who could have included you.
...
I took care of my parents so I know what that's like. But if you had Thanksgiving off, and probably the next day as well. Unless you just moved and changed jobs, I don't see what starting a new job has to do with it.

I moved 1,000 miles away from my home town last year. My mother moved to city where I don't know anybody else aside from family members I don't care for. Seeing her over Thanksgiving weekend would have meant spending two days traveling, with all the associated expenses, during one of the busiest times of the year, to an airport that is sometimes snowed in over Thanksgiving, over roads that are sometimes closed, over a four-day period. To some, I suppose those are just excuses--time, trouble and cost being immaterial to some people, but they matter to most of us.

As to why nobody included me in their family dinner, I'm not a member of a family here. Nor am I best friends with anybody here, nor does my life resemble an episode of Friends.

May I submit that you just don't get it: why most people don't want to cadge invitations to dinners where they barely know anyone; that talking to your neighbors doesn't make you a friend of the family; that coworkers are just people you work with; that traveling across the country is impractical for some and impossible for others.

[Three Wolves In Snow]

Originally Posted by seain dublin

Well than you should have entitled your threat "I'm Alone on the Holidays and that's exactly the way I want it", and that's just fine. Nothing wrong with that.

But you didn't do that.

You were looking for people to question it, than got a chip on your shoulder about it.

Most of the people who asked why you were going to alone, weren't gloating, just asking how this happened.

You would have a point if she titled her thread: "I'm Alone On The Holidays - Why Does This Keep Happening?"

But she didn't. She simply titled it: I'm Alone On The Holidays. Her first thread told you what it was about. Not once in there did she write: "Please, those who have big get togethers, how do you do it? Tell us plebes, us marginalized plebes, just how we, too, can have a made for TV 30 minute sitcom dinner with people every year. Do you think it's us? Is it some type of character flaw on our end? Please, fix us!"

At no time did she look for anyone to question it. As for those who asked how it happened, that's none of your business. Her thread said, and I quote:

...if anyone wants a forum for discussing being *actually* alone, here it is

It's pretty evident that it was meant for people who were also alone on the holidays. At no point did that read to me: "This is open for everyone to question my character as to why I'm alone, specifically if they are curious about family dynamics or why I'm not volunteering and making tons of friends to later have holiday dinners with."

I've volunteered. I volunteered at an animal shelter...and no, it wasn't for the holidays, I did it for a few months when I was making my way across the country to get from the west coast to the east coast. My job was to play with the dogs. I would take dogs out for 15 minutes at a time, (in some cases I gave them more of my time if they seemed depressed...and a lot of them were, unfortunately), but guess what? I wasn't working with any other volunteer. Not a single one.

Should I have hung around the front desk to make friendsies with people, or should I have done the job I was volunteering for: Trying to make the life of that dog less horrible because they were stuck in a tiny cage in a shelter and who knows when their day would come, either good or bad?

Volunteering doesn't always equate to: Making a lot of friends.

I like your posts, normally. I think you're an interesting person, but in here...man, can you just lay off?

[puginabug]

Jeepers. If all you "onesies" are wanting to make others feel unwelcome, you've succeeded. I enjoy being alone, there may be a time when I am alone during the holidays. Not sure how I'll handle that.

Hopefully I won't be online looking for validation and pushing people who might just want to help away.

Enjoy your thread.

[eok]

Originally Posted by seain dublin

I live in CA, although there are a few people here who now want the state to secede from the Union, it's part of America.

Thanksgiving may be the same throughout the USA, but CA is on the far left. When Trump becomes president, DC will be on the far right. And there are 3000 miles between them.

[latetotheparty]

Originally Posted by CraigCreek

How on earth do you know if those who are alone during the holidays do or do not already volunteer at times other than the holidays??

Volunteering is commendable. But most volunteer opportunities do not include holiday activities on the days themselves. Tutoring - nope. Being a historic site docent - nope. Working at an animal shelter - nope. The chances of meeting congenial others are secondary to the volunteer work itself, and frequently, volunteers' shifts do not overlap, so vols. see one another in passing and don't get well-acquainted.

Ah, but you say that whoever leads such places will provide social contact. Nope, it's professional or semi-professional. Supervisors will be pleasant and cordial, ideally, but they are unlikely to prioritize socializing as their reason for working. They do not welcome volunteers because they want to make new friends. They do it because those volunteers can fill a need of the establishment or agency or their clients.

Also, many of those who are alone are elderly and not physically able to volunteer,or prepare a big meal and invite guests, or host houseguests, or travel long distances to be with far-flung family and friends, particularly in the winter when road conditions may be difficult and flights may be delayed or cancelled. Budgets may not allow for cruises to more pleasant climes. What should these folkds do to make their holidays less lonely?

Welp.... I did my usual transport today and stopped for lunch at a truck stop on my way home.... they are having a Christmas dinner, so if anyone is alone and feels like getting out.... their food is almost always pretty good.....

I go back to work on Monday... .... but my will be going to a job site for inspection about 2 hours south of here.... so kind of an ease my way back in.....

Just four weeks until an ENTIRE week off between Christmas and New Years..... and yes, I will be home alone for nearly all of that time and am really looking forward to it!!

[eok]

Originally Posted by Three Wolves In Snow

...
I've volunteered. I volunteered at an animal shelter...and no, it wasn't for the holidays, I did it for a few months when I was making my way across the country to get from the west coast to the east coast. My job was to play with the dogs. I would take dogs out for 15 minutes at a time, (in some cases I gave them more of my time if they seemed depressed...and a lot of them were, unfortunately), but guess what? I wasn't working with any other volunteer. Not a single one.

Should I have hung around the front desk to make friendsies with people, or should I have done the job I was volunteering for: Trying to make the life of that dog less horrible because they were stuck in a tiny cage in a shelter and who knows when their day would come, either good or bad?

Volunteering doesn't always equate to: Making a lot of friends.

You were making a lot of friends. They aren't just man's best friend. They're also woman's best friend.

[bizcuit]

Originally Posted by puginabug

Jeepers. If all you "onesies" are wanting to make others feel unwelcome, you've succeeded. I enjoy being alone, there may be a time when I am alone during the holidays. Not sure how I'll handle that.

Hopefully I won't be online looking for validation and pushing people who might just want to help away.

Enjoy your thread.

Who was asking for help? I thought the thread was mostly about people who were spending the holiday alone sharing how they spent it. The Must-Always-Spend-Holidays-With-Others crowd seems to think help is required, but I fail to see where anyone is actually asking for this help. Thus the disconnect.

I am very happy with the way I spent my holiday, thank you very much.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by puginabug

Jeepers. If all you "onesies" are wanting to make others feel unwelcome, you've succeeded. I enjoy being alone, there may be a time when I am alone during the holidays. Not sure how I'll handle that.

Hopefully I won't be online looking for validation and pushing people who might just want to help away.

Enjoy your thread.

Exactly. I am curious for all those who were unhappy with their Thanksgiving this year, are you doing anything now to make sure it doesn't happen again?

I think there have been some great suggestions here that have been brushed aside because "no one who wasn't completely alone on Thursday gets it." What is there to get?

There is a good chance I will spend a holiday alone here and there as life goes on. My daughter is grown, I live alone, my family of origin is 1,200 miles away (and I never visit on holidays). But it won't catch me by surprise. I'll make sure I plan a great day, and posting an "us vs. them" thread about it won't be part of that day.