The Holidays are so stressful (cousins, Christmas, definition, house)
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It really doesn't make sense for your parents to invite you and your bf for dinner, but exclude his kids - were they supposed to sit home alone while you two took off for Christmas dinner?
However, your bf's kids are HIS responsibility during this short holiday visit. I would echo another poster's uneasiness about his insistence that you stay with him and not see your family. I would see red flags if a bf tried to guilt me like this.
I would think he would be much more concerned about spending every possible minute with the children he sees so infrequently instead of dictating where you should be. Was he expecting you to cook the whole dinner?
I dont cook so no about dinner but he did want my help. The reason my family did not want the kids there is bc it is my niece's first christmas and they want the attention on her. It's dumb and I don't agree with it but that is what it is and i cant miss my niece's first christmas.
My parents are just giving me lip about only being there 2 hours. I am also giving my bf & family 2 hours as well.
The point of my original post was that both groups are mad I am only giving 2 hours to each
I dont cook so no about dinner but he did want my help. The reason my family did not want the kids there is bc it is my niece's first christmas and they want the attention on her. It's dumb and I don't agree with it but that is what it is and i cant miss my niece's first christmas.
My parents are just giving me lip about only being there 2 hours. I am also giving my bf & family 2 hours as well.
The point of my original post was that both groups are mad I am only giving 2 hours to each
I agree you are in a tough spot. Now I understand why your family wants the spotlight to be on your niece and why you want/need to be there.
Maybe your parents don't really accept your bf and his kids in their minds as you are not engaged or married, but "only" a bf. I do sympathize as you are being torn and it does cause stress during the holidays.
I dont cook so no about dinner but he did want my help. The reason my family did not want the kids there is bc it is my niece's first christmas and they want the attention on her. It's dumb and I don't agree with it but that is what it is and i cant miss my niece's first christmas.
My parents are just giving me lip about only being there 2 hours. I am also giving my bf & family 2 hours as well.
The point of my original post was that both groups are mad I am only giving 2 hours to each
I'm still very confused.
Are his children very, very young, perhaps only a baby & toddler, too, so that your family is worried that adding two more little children will disrupt their Christmas celebration? Or are they concerned that there will only be presents for the biological child/grandchild/niece celebrating her first Christmas and the other children will be unhappy or jealous? (BTW, IMHO, any children that are invited to a Christmas celebration need to get at least some presents).
And, why does your BF "need help" with his two children? If you weren't living together he would have full responsibility for caring for them. Can't he handle his own two children for two hours if you see your family by yourself? After all his children are visiting for two weeks so you will have two weeks to interact with them.
Wow, I can see why you want to go out for Chinese food and watch a movie avoiding all the crazy people. If they aren't happy with you spending two hours of Christmas with them maybe you should spend zero hours on Christmas day with them.
I agree you are in a tough spot. Now I understand why your family wants the spotlight to be on your niece and why you want/need to be there.
Maybe your parents don't really accept your bf and his kids in their minds as you are not engaged or married, but "only" a bf. I do sympathize as you are being torn and it does cause stress during the holidays.
Let us know how it works out for you - good luck!
I really hope that the people you love are able to compromise so that you aren't caught in the middle. Good luck.
Are his children very, very young, perhaps only a baby & toddler, too, so that your family is worried that adding two more little children will disrupt their Christmas celebration? Or are they concerned that there will only be presents for the biological child/grandchild/niece celebrating her first Christmas and the other children will be unhappy or jealous? (BTW, IMHO, any children that are invited to a Christmas celebration need to get at least some presents).
And, why does your BF "need help" with his two children? If you weren't living together he would have full responsibility for caring for them. Can't he handle his own two children for two hours if you see your family by yourself? After all his children are visiting for two weeks so you will have two weeks to interact with them.
Wow, I can see why you want to go out for Chinese food and watch a movie avoiding all the crazy people. If they aren't happy with you spending two hours of Christmas with them maybe you should spend zero hours on Christmas day with them.
He needs help with food because he is cooking a ham, potatoes, green beans & desserts for him, 2 kids & his aunt & uncle. I dont cook but i can make very simple things if he guides me.
We have presents for his kids here. They are 7 & 13. It isn't about presents. My family just doesnt want to have to give attention to other kids over my niece.
Christmas really isn't the right occasion for your family to get to know the kids. Not much you can do about that now, of course. But it might help you and your partner to discuss bringing the families together outside of holidays, so as to avoid this problem next year.
You can help him prep the desserts the night before. The other things really won't take much time, other than peeling the potatoes, and if they're being mashed they can be peeled and set to soak Xmas Eve as well. The kids are more than old enough to help too.
I'm in a similar boat. My fiance and I are going to be all over the place this weekend. Our wedding is next year so I feel especially obligated to make the rounds with all the family members, but even before that we were expected to attend a lot of family gatherings on both sides over the holidays. On Thanksgiving we were expected to be at my parents' house for dinner at 2pm, then at his parents' house for dinner at 5pm!
Luckily we don't have to travel far but I kinda wish that we did so I wouldn't feel all this pressure to do everything. I'm very stressed out about this weekend. My fiance and I are the "main event" at my parents' house considering my two adult brothers still live at home (and always will). My fiances' family is also eager to involve us. We are the "power couple" in the family I guess you could say. Everyone is all over us. I should be flattered I know, but I'm overwhelmed.
Its funny. If I'm at his parents' house and we mention we have plans with my parents, too, I can tell his mom gets a little miffed. Similarly, my mom gets miffed when I mention spending time at my fiances' parents house. It seems like everyone is competing. The dads are more understanding.
Alternate holidays. You guys control this. Make yourselves happy. Make time for your own celebration. But you control where you go and what you do.
We split the holidays. We do something with my in-laws on Christmas Eve and something with my family on Christmas Day. After one crazy Thanksgiving where we drove around all over the place to various houses, we decided that we're our own family and we'll decide what works for us. We don't care if someone gets their feelings hurt because we don't strictly abide by what THEY want.
This. The young couple are now grown ups and they get to control their schedule. In laws will get over it when they do.
Wives should give equal time to both sets of n laws. It is often thecwives who decide these things.
He needs help with food because he is cooking a ham, potatoes, green beans & desserts for him, 2 kids & his aunt & uncle. I dont cook but i can make very simple things if he guides me.
We have presents for his kids here. They are 7 & 13. It isn't about presents. My family just doesnt want to have to give attention to other kids over my niece.
Thank you for explaining. I thought that you meant that he needed helping caring for his children. LOL.
Actually, the children should be able to help a lot with the holiday meal, especially the 13 year old. If you aren't able to cook very well, I wouldn't suggest starting with a huge Christmas dinner, but with practice, in a couple of weeks you should be able to handle many meals like a pro.
If you don't get it figured out for this holiday, by next year, your family should know your BF's children very well and it will be your niece's second Christmas so everyone will be much more laid back. Or you can just invite both your family and his family over to your house for Christmas dinner! You can ask everyone to bring a side dish or a dessert so you won't have to buy as much food (as that can get expensive).
I agree you are in a tough spot. Now I understand why your family wants the spotlight to be on your niece and why you want/need to be there.
Maybe your parents don't really accept your bf and his kids in their minds as you are not engaged or married, but "only" a bf. I do sympathize as you are being torn and it does cause stress during the holidays.
Let us know how it works out for you - good luck!
That is what I was thinking, I wasn't an official family member until we got married even though we had been together for 11 years prior, and lived together for 6 years. But until we got married I was basically a flavor of the week. Some people are like that, and don't want to invest in getting to know someone they see as temporary, regardless of how long the relationship has been going on. Of course I have no clue of OPs family is like that, it could be something entirely different.
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