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Well, I am old, I don't have weddings to go to anymore, and I have never had to be a bridesmaid. But I'm with you 100%.
A considerate bride recognizes that the dress, shoes, engagement gift, shower gift, wedding gift, bachelorette party gift, are an expense and inconvenience.
But then, I don't understand the need for a huge party and forcing people you supposedly love to empty their wallets so that YOU can be Queen for a Day. I bought a dress off the rack, made my own headpiece, had no attendants, had a lovely brunch for 16 people at my mother's house, and was just as married as someone who spent a down payment on a house for a 4-hour party.
I watch "Say Yes to the Dress" as a guilty pleasure, and I'm horrified by these bridezillas.
For me, it was usually reciprocated. We were in EACHOTHER'S weddings. Nobody complaining here better ever ask anyone to spend a dime on a celebration for them. I don't see spending money, within reason, to help a friend celebrate a major milestone as throwing it down the drain. Your post sounds very selfish.
Its not within reason. Thats the problem.
And i would never ask someone to spend money on me. Its so odd to me.
Well, I am old, I don't have weddings to go to anymore, and I have never had to be a bridesmaid. But I'm with you 100%.
A considerate bride recognizes that the dress, shoes, engagement gift, shower gift, wedding gift, bachelorette party gift, are an expense and inconvenience.
But then, I don't understand the need for a huge party and forcing people you supposedly love to empty their wallets so that YOU can be Queen for a Day. I bought a dress off the rack, made my own headpiece, had no attendants, had a lovely brunch for 16 people at my mother's house, and was just as married as someone who spent a down payment on a house for a 4-hour party.
I watch "Say Yes to the Dress" as a guilty pleasure, and I'm horrified by these bridezillas.
I'm old, too, but the days where everybody gets together and everybody coordinates a dish, and someone makes a cake and decorates it is over.
Most people have jobs, and a lot of those jobs are more than a 40 hour work week. People don't have time like this anymore so in come the caterers. That costs. If you want a catered mid afternoon shower, that's going to be 10-12 bucks a person for finger foods. At least.
Speaking of unflattering styles- before my breast cancer I was a natural 34G. I had to bow out of 2 weddings because the brides insisted they wanted everyone in strapless gowns. Um. Nope. Physics.
ROFL!!!!!!!!!! That's another whole thread -- strapless is NOT a good look for 80% of the female population, and yet, almost every wedding dress and bridesmaid is being stuffed into one. *shudder*
Not everyone hates weddings. The nay-sayers on this thread are the same ones you'll see on every thread about weddings, baby showers, and housewarming parties. God forbid they buy a gift and socialize for a few hours.
I watch "Say Yes to the Dress" as a guilty pleasure, and I'm horrified by these bridezillas.
Me, too, sometimes. I watched one where the bride just fell in "luuuvvvv" with a $9,000 wedding dress. WTF?!?!?!?! And no, she could NOT afford it, her budget was "only" $3,000. So there were tears of dismay, and there went her dream wedding, her day was ruined and her soon-to-be marriage was in tatters because the dress of her dreams was out of reach. So the family (who all came to the bridal salon to watch), all put their heads together and came up with an extra $6,000 so that this brat could have her "dream wedding."
I gotta say, if someone came to me and told me my niece was having a meltdown because she couldn't afford a $9K wedding dress, and could I please contribute to the dress, I'd laugh hysterically before hanging up.
And I bet this bridezilla got bent out of shape if the wedding gifts from these relatives weren't as extravagant as she felt she was owed, too.
Weddings have just gotten out of hand, fueled in large part by shows such as Say Yes To The Dress. What used to be a simple ceremony followed by a fun party has turned into the freaking Ziegfeld Follies. As a result, the average wedding cost is now around $26K and change.
My wife was going off on this the other day, in fact. Now you have to have some exhibitionist Pop The Question moment, a film crew to shoot the whole thing from dawn to dusk, and a guest list that swells the venue. To me, the worst example of all of weddings masquerading as theater is the church shopping crowd. You know, the people who have never set foot in a church, but suddenly need a venue for the movie that is their life.
I attend a graceful Episcopal church. It has an exterior of weathered Norman stone, a beautiful wood interior, and stained glass windows that are really wonderful. As a result, we sit at the top of the list of the church shopping crowd. For a long time, people would come in, book the church, harry the church staff as if they were the hired help, and then disappear for good once the limousine pulled away from the curb. So we established some pretty simple rules:
First, you have to attend marriage classes before the wedding and follow our liturgy. No stupid crap such as making up your own vows (Trust me, they are uniformly awful. People will be too busy rolling their eyes to be paying attention to what you're saying). No cheesy ginned-up stuff such as the unity candle (A friend of mine describes it as a big phallic symbol, so lighting it is like asking everybody to watch on the wedding night). And music that is appropriate to the church. For example, the 'Here Comes The Bride' wedding march you almost always hear? Nope. Because that song is from Wagner, one where the chorus sings about the wedding night to come. In other words, we like our decorum, thanks.
The second thing? You either become an attending member of our church -- In which case the use of the church is essentially free -- or you pay the average tithe of a family, which runs around $4,000. Because, believe it or not, it's a lot of work for a church to put on a wedding. There is the clergy who is presiding on what is typically his or her day off. There's the wedding director. There's the organist. And there's the sexton who has to clean up after everyone goes home.
Some actually agree and become faithful members of our congregation, which is fantastic. But you'd be amazed at the number of prospective couples (In truth, the bride's parents) who are aghast at that. They were just looking for a nice place to have the hitching before returning to either their own church or not attending at all, putting us in the same basic league as the local VFW hall. I remember one monster mother of the bride demanding that a) their Baptist preacher perform the service and b) that we actually take down the brightwork around the church that she didn't deem appropriate for their faith. And then there are the ones who insist to the music director, a woman of considerable backbone, that the wedding march be played. Never mind that it was our church, not theirs. I mean, if my daughter were getting married in a Baptist church (Fat chance, she snorts), I wouldn't insist on dragging a keg into the Fellowship Hall. Hell, Lady, go to the Justice of the Peace if you think that way about it.
My wife has a theory. The more bridesmaids and groomsmen there are in the wedding, the shorter the marriage will usually be. Because it means that the couple getting married are spending way more time thinking about the wedding itself than the marriage that follows.
My wife and I were married in an Episcopal church in 1986. It was approximately $1,000-$1,500 for about 125 folks. We held the reception at the church also. And we didn't play that Here Comes the Bride song either.(I cannot remember what was played but it was nice.) My wife and my MIL prepped the food. My wife also made her own dress. I simply showed up, resplendent in a black and gray tux with Stacy Adams shoes.
I too shake my head at what weddings have become; and meanwhile the actual marriages that follow the wedding spectacle seem an afterthought.
My wife and I were married in an Episcopal church in 1986. It was approximately $1,000-$1,500 for about 125 folks. We held the reception at the church also. And we didn't play that Here Comes the Bride song either.(I cannot remember what was played but it was nice.) My wife and my MIL prepped the food. My wife also made her own dress. I simply showed up, resplendent in a black and gray tux with Stacy Adams shoes.
I too shake my head at what weddings have become; and meanwhile the actual marriages that follow the wedding spectacle seem an afterthought.
Even back then there were women who had been planning their wedding since they were children. One of my friends was such a bridezilla! She kept saying, over every little thing that didn't exactly go her way, if I could have this I would be a complete and happy woman. We joked amongst ourselves, that after the ceremony she could kill herself and die a complete and happy woman.
Divorced in a year and a half.
But a lot of that is youth. When I got married I thought it was a ABSOLUTE NECCESSITY that I had cream soup spoons, ice cream spoons, ice tea spoons, butter spreaders, and seafood forks in my stainless pattern. Had to. And I had to have rimmed soup bowls. I could not set up a house without it.
I was young. We use all it all, too. But 30 some years later, I don't care my dishes don't match anymore, they still keep the food off the floor.
Last edited by Tallysmom; 02-09-2017 at 06:27 PM..
Way back in the late 70's my mom and aunt paid for the entire bridal shower for me. It was an at home shower, so they paid for the food and beverages and paper goods. However, even then they knew that "etiquette" was the bridal party paid for the shower. So they each wrote the invitations themselves (we did mail them back in the day) saying the shower was hosted by the Bridal Party. What was so sweet was the bridal party were so appreciative that they were saved the expense, after the invitations went out they offered to pay for the cake. My mom and aunt thanked them for the offer, and said "you have enough expense already". My mom also paid for the headpieces too. She was wonderful about worrying about spending other peoples money, guess that is where I got it from.
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