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I was wondering if I could ask some advice or suggestions please on how to advance what could potentially be a very great, platonic opposite-gender friendship at work, in an appropriate way? I know it may sound like a question that has an obvious answer, but tbh, since for about the past 10 years or more, there have been extremely few people in my same age range at the workplace. As a result, I have had very little if any practical experience talking to people who are my same age bracket, in a professional context.
This person is an extremely friendly, very nice and warm individual, and has been very kind to me in the multiple conversations I've had with her so far. I'm not trying to pursue her romantically (she has a boyfriend, based on a conversation that I overheard her talking with one of her co-workers about), but would genuinely love very much to be her friend, especially since she is so amazingly nice. She does work in a different office/division than me.
What would be a professionally-appropriate way to find more opportunities to talk with her? For example, I'm not 100% sure but I'm assuming that asking her to talk over lunch would not be the best way to go about it, as it may unintentionally convey the wrong impression to her if I were to ask, again because she has a boyfriend. Are there any other alternatives to chatting over lunch that would also be considered to be in an appropriate and professional matter? I have spoken with her multiple times on the phone regarding work-related business items, but I think there are only so many times I can do that, and that naturally arises only so often or very randomly, etc.?
Same age range or not, get a group together for lunch and ask her if she'd like to join.
Question: Would you attempt to pursue her romantically if she didn't have a BF?
Thanks for your advice! That's actually another nuance about the workplace here as well, lol -- while there are a few regular groups that eat together lunch, by large it is the exception, not the rule (in other words, most people here eat at their desks). The people in my own office/division either eat alone, or a select few may eat together in the cafeteria sometimes, but even then, they have never invited me to join them unless I happened to be in the cafeteria at the same exact time as them in getting my food. So my own peer group is most likely out. Would it be professionally-appropriate though, to ask her if her colleagues were interested in getting together sometime for a group lunch? Most of her peers are also in the same age range as me, and they have also likewise been very friendly to me.
In response to your question, I guess the best answer would be I'm honestly not sure? If she hypothetically didn't have a b/f...on the one hand, her extremely kindhearted nature alone would (in theory) make her excellent long-term g/f material. On the other hand though, I have always been told that it's almost always unwise to enter into workplace relationships, and that they almost always end badly. And so having her friendship makes the most sense and would certainly still be a very nice blessing, in and of itself.
Another question: again not meaning to ask what sounds like a dumb question or anything that sounds overly-elementary in nature, but what would be the best or a recommended way, to try to get a group together for lunch? I've personally never tried that before, and have only eaten lunch in the cafeteria in a group setting 2-3 times max within the past decade or more, so again very little experience with group lunches in general...any advice anyone might have would be deeply appreciated. Thanks!
You email the colleagues you are closest to, ask them if they'd be up for trying a new place on a Friday. Maybe they will be. Invite the person you want to be friends with as well. If you hit it off with her at lunch, ask her and her boyfriend to meet you for drinks one day.
My best friend is older than most of her coworkers, and she's not very social. But she regularly invites both genders and their partners over for cookouts and board games. They've been very receptive, and it should also be noted that most of them think she's much younger than she actually is.
Lunch is fine. Like "Would you be free for lunch sometime this week? I wanted to ask about your vacation in France, because I was thinking along those lines" or "Do you have any interest in trying that new Greek restaurant across the street? I'd like to go and was asking around for someone who might like to come."
Don't be overly friendly with anyone at work. I've never really known it to go very well. Be cordial and professional. Come in, get your work done, see if anyone needs help, then leave work.
You can always make it career-related, like a networking thing. But you should invite others too.
Is she attractive? I am wondering if this infatuation would even exist if she wasn't. Or if you had a girlfriend.
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That's actually another nuance about the workplace here as well, lol -- while there are a few regular groups that eat together lunch, by large it is the exception, not the rule (in other words, most people here eat at their desks). The people in my own office/division either eat alone, or a select few may eat together in the cafeteria sometimes, but even then, they have never invited me to join them unless I happened to be in the cafeteria at the same exact time as them in getting my food. So my own peer group is most likely out. Would it be professionally-appropriate though, to ask her if her colleagues were interested in getting together sometime for a group lunch? Most of her peers are also in the same age range as me, and they have also likewise been very friendly to me.
