U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-20-2017, 07:39 AM
 
172 posts, read 69,709 times
Reputation: 185

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver View Post
Then absent yourself from the friendship. When she finally asks you why, simply say, "You seem to enjoy saying hurtful things and I just don't need that in my life. When you're ready to be nice to me again, let me know."
Yes, I think distance is best. I will not bring it up and just distance myself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-20-2017, 07:58 AM
 
Location: NNJ
9,380 posts, read 5,298,236 times
Reputation: 10299
Fortunately, I don't have friends that do that... If one of my close friends did, I think it would be appropriate to sit her down and tell her how it makes you feel. If it strains the friendship, then they never thought of you as a close friend to begin with.

Maybe she thinks that your friendship is strong enough and you aren't sensitive enough to realize that it risks the friendship. Some people cop it off as "it is who I am.. take it or leave it"; I tend to leave my self vulnerable to people that I consider close.... so in this scenario, I'd probably leave the friendship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-20-2017, 08:47 AM
 
8,030 posts, read 5,233,294 times
Reputation: 9167
She is taking the weight gain badly. I would avoid and not engage. Avoid negative energy. I would not bring up to her unless she goes full Mod cut.!

Last edited by PJSaturn; 06-20-2017 at 09:22 AM.. Reason: Inappropriate language; circumventing language filter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-20-2017, 09:46 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
815 posts, read 458,384 times
Reputation: 1140
Why continue to hang out with this person? Is she on the front line of your social circle or something? I'd say something like "ahhh.......you can dish it but you can't take it?"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-20-2017, 09:56 AM
 
10,366 posts, read 8,363,565 times
Reputation: 19114
I know someone like this. This individual escalates if they don't get the attention they crave, the worst being a catty email message directed to me but copied to other friends, sent the morning my best friend died, very critical of my response to my friend's death and my actions during my friend's final illness. It was literally the last straw.

I called them on this highly inappropriate behavior; they escalated, and that's why I have no contact, personal or online with them, and barely acknowledge them when encountered in a group now. I should have done it long before.

This ugly, critical and judgmental behavior seems to be rooted in personal insecurity, feeling threatened by others' friendships or other relationships, appearances, possessions, homes, talents or abilities or status, and the need to be first or best or smartest or superior in all things. It has become more obvious over the years and has driven away people who would otherwise be friends, as no one wants to be someone else's personal punching bag.

Who needs this kind of thing?? Not me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-20-2017, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,080 posts, read 8,221,122 times
Reputation: 19656
If you notice her weight, she's noticed you've noticed.

Time to go your separate ways.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-20-2017, 10:46 AM
 
1,166 posts, read 782,108 times
Reputation: 4139
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Tell her to quit with the behavior or quit spending time with her and your assumption that she is jealous of your body is exactly that, an assumption.
I agree with this. It is not ok for her to constantly throw jabs at you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-20-2017, 10:52 AM
 
9,660 posts, read 4,904,547 times
Reputation: 33347
Quote:
Originally Posted by frosty_charge View Post
29 years old female friend keeps for some weeks throwing jabs and snippy comments out of nowhere at me. Harmless things I say, like, "Oh, I didn't know that happened," and she snaps back, "Because you don't listen ever to what I say!" in aggressive tones.
Well ... do you listen to what she says? Maybe she's frustrated with you for some reason. Why do you assume it's about weight?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-20-2017, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Midwest
4,213 posts, read 7,114,054 times
Reputation: 7042
This is not a "friend."

Quote:
Originally Posted by frosty_charge View Post
Yes, I think distance is best. I will not bring it up and just distance myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
I know someone like this. This individual escalates if they don't get the attention they crave, the worst being a catty email message directed to me but copied to other friends, sent the morning my best friend died, very critical of my response to my friend's death and my actions during my friend's final illness. It was literally the last straw.

I called them on this highly inappropriate behavior; they escalated, and that's why I have no contact, personal or online with them, and barely acknowledge them when encountered in a group now. I should have done it long before.

This ugly, critical and judgmental behavior seems to be rooted in personal insecurity, feeling threatened by others' friendships or other relationships, appearances, possessions, homes, talents or abilities or status, and the need to be first or best or smartest or superior in all things. It has become more obvious over the years and has driven away people who would otherwise be friends, as no one wants to be someone else's personal punching bag.

Who needs this kind of thing?? Not me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
If you notice her weight, she's noticed you've noticed.

Time to go your separate ways.
IGNORE button.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-20-2017, 10:55 AM
 
Location: NY to NJ
662 posts, read 827,799 times
Reputation: 1053
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver View Post
A good, "Would you knock it off with the passive aggressiveness" followed by a cocktail will do the trick. Don't make a federal case of it, don't call a summit meeting to discuss it (Almost always a stupid idea), but rather just speak your piece in one sentence and change the subject.
This. If she still continues, I would distance myself and if asked the reason, tell her the truth. Also, since you're not in a her brain, you don't know the reason for her attitude with you. It might not just be that shes "jealous" of you...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:30 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top