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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 26 days ago)
35,751 posts, read 18,091,770 times
Reputation: 50812
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I don't see why you have to "move on". Lots of sibling relationships are complicated. Your brother is flawed, he got drunk and said mean things, that doesn't mean you necessarily have to cut him out of your life. You just have to work through it and get out on the other side.
It's really hard to talk about this. My brothers and my relationship has been deteriorating for several years now so you'd think this wouldn't hurt this bad. The damage is irreparable. For the last 10 years my brother has been getting very successful in his field. He came from having no education and worked his butt off. I've always been really proud of him, especially because it meant so much to him to 'make it'. He. Now makes WELL over 6 figures and travels from state to state. He hasn't lived here for at least 6/7 yrs. Our relationship has been especially bad for the last 3 years, I've been REALLY poor, and I think he doesn't respect me. I lived soley on student loans as my degree program required me to attend 5 and 6 days a week during the semester. He frowned on me for not working while in school and recieving government help in the process. I just couldn't do it, I'm in my early 40's and I don't have the energy I used to. I know he was jealous that I needed my mother's help watching my little girl (and I did) while I was in classes until 10:30 at night (alot). He feels that his own daughters (in town) were neglected by my mother because of my needs, which they were. I do know my mother was not close to his ex which had a little to do with it, long story. I did graduate in late May and have 1 last board exam, 3 down. He didn't show or call. Texted 1 word, congrats. It hurt, it meant alot. Thought that was the end of it period...until today. I struggled my first month out of school, badly. My last 2 board exams totaled 2k and wiped everything I had out. It took me a month to find a waitress job and my daughter and I almost sunk., it was scary. But I'm working my way out of this little mess and studying for last exam. My brother texted, why don't you just let me take C****,( my daughter). I almost blew a gasket! I said why would I do that!! I provide for her, I do not contact you, please do not contact me again. He said I've been done with you for years (?)... I knew we would never be close again, but today REALLY hurt. I'm asking all of you for ways to help me 'buck up' and get over this. I need to move on. I don't want to ever speak again, but I can't help but remember the sweet boy from a long ago.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catie1120
He lives in another state, one of his daughters live in the city I'm in, other with him out of state.. My degree is in dental hygiene. My daughter is situated in school. Bless you for thinking of this sweetly. It was a condescending offer, he was tipsy yesterday evening, I can tell.
I never knew you need a bachelors or masters for dental hygiene? For the past three years you had school 5-6 days per week all day? Wow.
I got a bachelors degree in legal studies, full time and worked full time. I am 40 also, moved to the US 10 years ago with limited English skills and a sleep disease. I started applying for other jobs half a year before graduating already I did not wait until the day I was finished even though I had a job.
Not working at 40, having a child and relying solely on the government and loans is a pretty extreme choice of yours.
Maybe your brother doesn't understand your education planning either. There are always two sides of each story.
My brother has 1 little girl and wife with him when he travels out of state, he has a house here too and a daughter here. Yes, he's a stone cold alcoholic. Works super hard, plays harder. Works sometimes. 14 days in a row. They takes vacations all the time. I don't know how he keeps up with it.
Oh, he's gonna blow. You don't want to be around for that.
What did you do for a living or to improve yourself between 18 and your late 30's/early 40's when you proceeded down the Dental Hygiene path? I suspect this time period may have more to do with his resentment than your taking out of student loans. You seem to be doing all the right things, but 20 years later than most. There's only so much you can do about the past. At this point keep pushing forward.
If he's truly an alcoholic he's not going to make a lot sense half the time and probably say's things he doesn't really mean. I wouldn't cut him entirely out of my life but I would limit my conversations to him when he's not inebriated so they don't upset you. When he get's mean, tell him you've got to hang up. He's the one that has the problem.. not you.
He may be successful but he's not handling the pressure of his success very well.
Not sure what your driving at concerning past anger my brother may harbor. Actually we got along well through our 20's. Although my past and what I did ffor al iving shouldnt concern you. I traveled all over, got married, sold insurance and had a baby. Never borrowed a pennu from anyone, in fact people came to me because I was steady. That's not it. Money changed his attitude, period. Your age? Just curious...
Kinda passive aggressive there oh-eve, don't cha think.? I also paid off my car, bought my hygiene instruments and saved back rent. Hygienist's take a total of 4 board exams. Three arel taken in the last semester with the final 8 hour written after graduation, then 6 weeks for the ADA to send your licensure, in case you were wondering.
Not sure what your driving at concerning past anger my brother may harbor. Actually we got along well through our 20's. Although my past and what I did ffor al iving shouldnt concern you. I traveled all over, got married, sold insurance and had a baby. Never borrowed a pennu from anyone, in fact people came to me because I was steady. That's not it. Money changed his attitude, period. Your age? Just curious...
I'm 48. So, your theory is now that he has money he looks down on you and others for not having it (despite after apparently not having it for many years himself) and that the excuse of Grandma allocating her time to your Family is a side issue or a cover-up for the money issue?
Thanks to some for trying to help me resolve hurt feelings for a brothed I used to care for so much about. Sometimes people just change for the worst, ablnd communication breaks down.. Many of my family choose not to associate with him, even my mom has a rough time of it. His drinking does make it hard, he doesn't get sloppy, just hyper critical and sometimes down right mean. I hate that there are fracture lines running through my family, when we were once so close. I don't know how to fix it or to feel about it. Feels crummy.
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