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It's really hard to talk about this. My brothers and my relationship has been deteriorating for several years now so you'd think this wouldn't hurt this bad. The damage is irreparable. For the last 10 years my brother has been getting very successful in his field. He came from having no education and worked his butt off. I've always been really proud of him, especially because it meant so much to him to 'make it'. He. Now makes WELL over 6 figures and travels from state to state. He hasn't lived here for at least 6/7 yrs. Our relationship has been especially bad for the last 3 years, I've been REALLY poor, and I think he doesn't respect me. I lived soley on student loans as my degree program required me to attend 5 and 6 days a week during the semester. He frowned on me for not working while in school and recieving government help in the process. I just couldn't do it, I'm in my early 40's and I don't have the energy I used to. I know he was jealous that I needed my mother's help watching my little girl (and I did) while I was in classes until 10:30 at night (alot). He feels that his own daughters (in town) were neglected by my mother because of my needs, which they were. I do know my mother was not close to his ex which had a little to do with it, long story. I did graduate in late May and have 1 last board exam, 3 down. He didn't show or call. Texted 1 word, congrats. It hurt, it meant alot. Thought that was the end of it period...until today. I struggled my first month out of school, badly. My last 2 board exams totaled 2k and wiped everything I had out. It took me a month to find a waitress job and my daughter and I almost sunk., it was scary. But I'm working my way out of this little mess and studying for last exam. My brother texted, why don't you just let me take C****,( my daughter). I almost blew a gasket! I said why would I do that!! I provide for her, I do not contact you, please do not contact me again. He said I've been done with you for years (?)... I knew we would never be close again, but today REALLY hurt. I'm asking all of you for ways to help me 'buck up' and get over this. I need to move on. I don't want to ever speak again, but I can't help but remember the sweet boy from a long ago.
What is it that you are studying? After you finish with school, what are your job prospects? Will you be able to make a lot of money with your degree?
I can see both your side and his side of things. Your mother being your babysitter five to six days a week means that your brother and his children haven't been able to see your mother very often. I imagine that even when you are not in school, you are at home at your mother's house studying. So you brother and his kids never have a chance to see your mom without you and/or your daughter also being there.
You might try to arrange it so that once a week, your brother and/or his kids get some quality alone time with your mother. Or at the very least, try hard to let your mother have some quality alone time for herself periodically.
I think that it's great that your mother is able to help you out so much, but it does seem like you have taken advantage of her generosity. At your age, you should be independent of her.
Anyway, I sure hope that you've pick a course of study that will turn into a decent paying job where you can spoil your mother for a while.
Yet another post that doesn't mention the child's father. There is no "out of the picture" when you have children even if the only appearance is a monthly check.
He lives in another state, one of his daughters live in the city I'm in, other with him out of state.. My degree is in dental hygiene. My daughter is situated in school. Bless you for thinking of this sweetly. It was a condescending offer, he was tipsy yesterday evening, I can tell.
Her father skipped the child support order 6 months later. He's in another state. I'm ok financially and will be even better in about 3- 4 months. I dod monopolize my moms time but only 3 nights, half day Saturday..
I have my own apartment, I didn't live with my mom. But you are very astute in what you're saying Miu. One of gis daughters lives here. Maybe I should make an effort for our children to see eachother, he's just cruel to me and all family that don't nake money..
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
35,584 posts, read 17,927,273 times
Reputation: 50620
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catie1120
I'm truly ok, just hurt my brother bases the measure of a person by money, he condesends to those without it. I'm hurt .. Because I love him.
Catie, here's my experience. You're misunderstanding his thoughts on you not having money, with his thoughts on you monopolizing your mother's time. Those are two different things. Your child has monopolized all the "grandma" time your mother has, and your brother's children haven't gotten any. 3 nights a week and Saturdays is all the grandma time a person has - she does have a life.
Your brother is angry that you've taken for your child, what his children had to go without.
Speaking as a grandmother who no longer has access to her grandkids, I would bet her mom is more than happy to take care of OP's daughter. There is really no reason why the brother's kids couldn't be there at the same time. Grandparents are capable of having more than one grandkid at a time.
I also know how hard it is to be a single mom, and I even got child support. OP is working hard to better her life by getting an education. I would think that her brother would be proud of her instead of disrespecting her efforts, and being a jerkwad about his mom being helpful.
Some people are just mean and have no compassion for anyone who isn't as successful as they are. It is his loss to lose a sister who loves him regardless of his condescension and attitude towards how she lives her own life.
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