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Sitch: You have dear houseguests staying with you for a short time during which you have a standing social commitment on one of the days. It's not exclusive...they could join...but you know they wouldn't enjoy it and if they indeed don't enjoy it it would be somewhat disruptive. Think something like a day-long fishing trip where if they got seasick they couldn't just get off the boat.
Do you insist they come? Suggest politely they don't? Give them the facts and let them decide?
I am facing that and I am inclined to just politely nudge them into realizing they wouldn't like it and that it's totally fine to do something else that day. They're staying for 4 days and this is just a one day event.
Usually if I have standing longer social commitments and people are coming in for a short visit, I will skip the activity. If it is something short that is an hour or two, then I might invite them or give them some alternative activities they can do while I attend.
If someone is coming just 2-3 days and the social commitment is a full day, I think it is really thoughtless to have a planned visit where the host still keeps that commitment. The only exception would be if that is the only date the other people were willing to come or it was last minute and I had made it clear to the visitors that I had a standing commitment that could not be canceled.
Usually if I have standing longer social commitments and people are coming in for a short visit, I will skip the activity. If it is something short that is an hour or two, then I might invite them or give them some alternative activities they can do while I attend.
If someone is coming just 2-3 days and the social commitment is a full day, I think it is really thoughtless to have a planned visit where the host still keeps that commitment. The only exception would be if that is the only date the other people were willing to come or it was last minute and I had made it clear to the visitors that I had a standing commitment that could not be canceled.
They know we/I have this commitment, it's once a year. While visiting us is one reason they're coming it's not the only reason; they're not like family who we might see rarely.
In my opinion, it's an easy discussion...do something else that day, we'll see you at night. But I'm open to other thoughts if I've missed something.
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If you think they won't like it and would then make it unpleasant for them and others, that's a pretty easy fix.
"We can't wait to see you. We have cleared the calendar nearly completely, except this one day when we're _______. I can suggest things you might want to do that day, or you're welcome to hang out at the house. The other days, I'd like to _______ and _______ and _____ while you're here."
If you think they won't like it and would then make it unpleasant for them and others, that's a pretty easy fix.
"We can't wait to see you. We have cleared the calendar nearly completely, except this one day when we're _______. I can suggest things you might want to do that day, or you're welcome to hang out at the house. The other days, I'd like to _______ and _______ and _____ while you're here."
It depends on what the guests are expecting. Did they come mainly to visit with you, or are they mainly using your place as a base from which to explore your city, and are visiting with you mainly in the evenings? If they're the independent type, go and do your thing, they'll be fine, exploring on their own. I don't see a problem with that. Especially since you say they know you have this annual commitment.
This is just weird to me. As a guest, if someone had a previously planned social obligation that they wished or felt obligated to attend, and it naturally would be inappropriate for me/us to join them, then I would insist that they attend that event and leave me/us to our own devices for a few hours. Gawd! There is nothing worse than a house guest that needs to be coddled and entertained the whole time visiting. As a host, I wouldn't feel awkward at all not to invite guests to someone else's event to which they were not invited to. What the hell is wrong with people?!
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