Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We both tend to be minimalists and routinely throw out or give stuff away to avoid clutter. I clean regularly which is easy with minimal clutter, and he cooks. My ex of long ago used to be a pack rat and didn't pick up after himself. He created messes all over the house (i.e. Threw clothes on floor, didn't wash dishes after cooking, left dirty dishes around house, collected junk to create art that was never used) and it was extra tiring and frustrating living with someone like that.
Honestly drives me bat**** crazy. My husband is an absolute slob. It's very hard to deal with and makes the marriage very stressful at times.
Yep, second this. Even though it is money I dont want to spend, I have had to resort to a cleaning service to keep my sanity. But his closet and man cave look like a teenage boys room, a complete mess, and he has difficulty throwing things away which compounds the problem.
My sister is not big on house-keeping. Her husband, before he retired, had more days off than she did. One day she came home in a stinky mood and he had been off that day. She slams her briefcase down, looks around, and growls at him "you do absolutely NOTHING to keep this house clean!!!"
He looks up from the TV, slowly peruses the room, looks up at her and says "Apparently, neither do you."
Before my husband was sick he was the most low-maintenance man I had ever known. He did laundry, ironed, cooked, and always picked up after himself. Now he can't do any of it but I don't mind... at least I had a few years off!
Neither of us are slobs, and we both dislike clutter, so the main differences are over getting the bigger jobs done. When we were first married, we both worked, and divided the chores pretty evenly. Then, I was a SAHM for years, and kept a pretty clean (not spotless) home, because that's how I like it.
Now, he's retired, and I'm working full-time. He does all the shopping, cooking and clean-up in the kitchen, as well as taking care of the large yard. I do the laundry, and try to tackle one bigger task on my days off. But he doesn't notice dust, or dirty windows. I guess I should be content that he will do a job if I ask him to. This week he cleaned all the ceiling fans. I do wish he would do stuff like that on his own, but I've given up expecting him to have any urgency about dirt that isn't in plain view.
I'm just curious how it works out if one spouse is a lot cleaner or messier than the other. How do you deal?
It's not so much a matter of "clean" or "dirty" - but the amount of "stuff" he feels he needs to have. He is not a hoarder, but the thrives in clutter. He works partially from home and has his lap top open, and papers and folders, notebooks, legal pads, and three cell phones.
I like neat and tranquil.
So how do we deal with it? I tell him to clean his stuff up. He says I'm a control freak or something, I nag him to clean up - he does- and then he goes back to his old messy ways.
He expects it to be clean. I work 40hr weeks and pay a larger chuck of bills. He gets home so much earlier so he tends to do the cooking mostly because he's food obsessed and can't stand waiting for dinner past about 6.
I really don't mind doing the lioness' share of the deep cleaning as it's always easier to do it myself, do it right and not have to listen to his griping.
HOWEVER if he gets tired of dog hair wisping around - and I admit, sometimes I conduct "how long will this go on without someone besides me cleaning it" experiments - he picks up the broom, makes a HUGE production over it and gripes and complains the entire time.
He enjoys pushing the mower or using the leaf blower but will not pick up a rake or haul the logs up that he's conveniently felled with his chain saw. He's kind of a path-of-least-resistance kind of person. Or lazy. Call it as you will.
I'm not very happy. I think I'm leaving him but I might have to take him with me.
I would never end up with a slob (or hoarder) in a million years. Don't really understand how that happens.
There's also a simple solution. Tell him/her you're too tired for sex from cleaning all night. Of course, that'll be the true test of a marriage so are you tough enough to find out the truth?
And if you're already not having sex pick something else. Too tired to go grocery shopping, cook, do laundry, mow the lawn...whatever. It's called a boycott. A standoff.
I guess people are willing to live in unpleasant conditions or permanent passive aggressive power struggle because they can't make it alone for financial reasons. Or it doesn't really bother them as much as they claim.
Of course you're risking losing the ultimate argument: "You knew I was a slob when you married me."
I'll also add this was the farce of the womens' movement in the 1970s. NO, you cannot have it all if you're unwilling to have mutual ground rules which never really worked out. The men were generally raised to do nothing around the house so women foolishly decided they were desperately needing to have jobs outside the house but continued to do the JOB of RUNNING the house. Because SOMEONE has to do it. Especially if you have kids. Why would people chose to have strangers raising them?
Last edited by runswithscissors; 09-17-2017 at 03:25 AM..
We both look around at the clutter and mess and look at each other and chorus "I love you!". Neither one of us would survive with a neatnik. Periodically things get all cleared away and cleaned up and then life happens and it needs to be cleaned up again. At the moment there's an air compressor and nail gun in the living room. There's also a couple rolls of fiberglass insulation to be put into the ceiling which is about three quarters done now, so things are all good. About one more day of work then the ceiling will be insulated and if we want we could air condition the living room. Woot! What's a little mess compared to that? Eventually, the ceiling boards will all be installed, too. Then we can do trim. Betcha that air compressor is gonna be here awhile.
I'm good with kitchen and bath. The rest is more about keeping it uncluttered than spotless. Dust bunnies and dust on surfaces doesn't bother me. I wash the oak hardwood floors occasionally and push around a microfiber mop from time to time. The wool carpet in the bedrooms is on a similar schedule. The oak hardwood in the kitchen gets washed far more frequently as does the tile floor in the bathroom.
My office is a debris field. I keep my clutter to one spot.
My girlfriend is much more meticulous.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
