Friend who texts during meal (jealous, definition, house, person)
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I was at dinner with two people who worked at the same company. The entire meal they talked exclusively to each other about office politics and who was on which project yadda yadda yadda. Attempts to change the subject fell flat.
So about an hour into it with no end in sight I pulled out my phone to check email. One of the two breaks off (finally) and glares at me. He actually said, "What do you think YOU'RE doing?"
Unbelievable. They've ignored me for an hour and suddenly I'm the one who's crossed the line?
Perhaps those discomfited by a phone-using friend's behavior should examine their own more carefully.
I was at dinner with two people who worked at the same company. The entire meal they talked exclusively to each other about office politics and who was on which project yadda yadda yadda. Attempts to change the subject fell flat.
So about an hour into it with no end in sight I pulled out my phone to check email. One of the two breaks off (finally) and glares at me. He actually said, "What do you think YOU'RE doing?"
Unbelievable. They've ignored me for an hour and suddenly I'm the one who's crossed the line?
Perhaps those discomfited by a phone-using friend's behavior should examine their own more carefully.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,633 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50655
Kelly, how much texting are you talking about? In an hour lunch, for example, is she texting more than about 4 episodes of texting lasting 2 minutes each? Or is it kind of a constant, her phone is face up on the table and she's checking it and picking it up immediately to read and respond to the text, no matter who it is/level of important it has?
OP, you could meet this friend at a restaurant and if she starts texting ask her not to.
If she continues to text, stand up, tell her you are leaving and why, pay your check, leave the tip and move on with your day.
It appears to me that your presence is not as important to her as her presence is to you so leave her sitting at the table,
alone.
or
You could leave quietly while she is texting and see how long it takes her to notice you are gone.
I don't think the OP is trying to be controlling. She's just asking for a bit of consideration. It shouldn't be too much to ask someone to cut the cord for the duration of a meal.
I know people who do this, and it is so annoying. The worst is when they start telling me what the texts say, or what they are reading on Facebook. Newsflash: I. Do. Not. Care. I think next time I make dinner plans with these folks, I will take a book, and read during the whole meal.
Of course she is being controlling. She is trying to change *someone else's* behaviour. Is it more likely that the friend is often texting no matter what she is doing or who she is with, or only texts around the OP because she knows it bugs the OP? If it's the former then the friend is just being herself. You have the right to not hang out with someone but not to demand they change who they are.
If they are telling you what they are reading they are making conversation. Maybe you don't care. I bet if they were telling you the same things without a phone in their hand - about a news story they read or something funny they heard - you'd be all ears. Most conversation with friends is meaningless small talk. And maybe there's a newsflash about what you're trying to talk about: They. Do. Not. Care.
I don't expect her to stay off the phone all day but when we are eating out it seems so rude.
...
I asked if she could do that later so we could enjoy the meal.
Why try to control what she does? If she's a true friend, you should just accept her for who she is, not try to shame her.
Of course she is being controlling. She is trying to change *someone else's* behaviour. Is it more likely that the friend is often texting no matter what she is doing or who she is with, or only texts around the OP because she knows it bugs the OP? If it's the former then the friend is just being herself. You have the right to not hang out with someone but not to demand they change who they are.
If they are telling you what they are reading they are making conversation. Maybe you don't care. I bet if they were telling you the same things without a phone in their hand - about a news story they read or something funny they heard - you'd be all ears. Most conversation with friends is meaningless small talk. And maybe there's a newsflash about what you're trying to talk about: They. Do. Not. Care.
Well, didn't you just tell me?
I don't mind talking about the news, or a funny story, or about what's new with people we both know - you're right, those topics are welcome regardless of the source. I'm talking about long, drawn-out narratives about people I have never met. I'm not interested in the details of someone's college roommate's brother's best friend's nasty divorce, and I bet you wouldn't be, either.
I don't understand the obsession with texting every minute detail of your life and find it extremely rude that the OP's friend does it while they are supposed to be having a nice sit down meal with friends. It would be nice if the other friends would have backed up the OP and told the texting queen that they found it rude too.
I don't understand the obsession with having to be the focus of someone else's attention every minute you are together. Or with having to impose your standards and values upon others. I've seen people such sticklers for the rules that they get bent out of shape if the other person so much as uses the phone to check the time or look at a single text from their dying mother.
Ok, if you're out with a single friend and they play on their phone the majority of the time, I understand that can be annoying as it leaves you with nothing to do. But if you know in advance that is just how they are then it's really on you. If you don't like how someone behaves in your company then don't be in their company but you have no right to accept their company and then demand that they behave differently than they typically behave.
In the case of a group of friends, there is no need at all to call someone out for texting. You don't need them to have a conversation among the other three. Maybe the other friends truly didn't care? Focus on conversing with the other two and quit policing eveyone's behaviour.
Of course she is being controlling. She is trying to change *someone else's* behaviour. Is it more likely that the friend is often texting no matter what she is doing or who she is with, or only texts around the OP because she knows it bugs the OP? If it's the former then the friend is just being herself. You have the right to not hang out with someone but not to demand they change who they are.
Inappropriate texting during a meal with others is NOT WHO YOU ARE.
It's the rude and inconsiderate BEHAVIOR that you choose to exhibit and impose on everyone else at the table.
Who you are vs. your behavior are two VERY different things. Who you are is not likely to change over a lifetime. But behavior is chosen, and can change with just one decision.
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