Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No amount of charisma, magnetism, personality is worth being treated like he's treating you. The fact that he is devoid of conscience makes him a nutjob and whack out waiting to happen.
It's painful, isn't it, OP? You really like the person otherwise! It's fun to be with them, until the bill comes due. I actually dated a guy like this. First couple times, he "forgot" his cash or wallet. No biggie. But, it was the same every time; even concert tickets at $100 each. But I really wanted to go to that concert, and he was so fun to be with.
We did free stuff too; but geez. It was like he was clueless that this is NOT OK. When I dumped him after a couple weeks; he seemed flummoxed. "Tell me what I did wrong, so I can be better next time."
DUH. I told him. But it's not easy. I still think of the fun we had; how funny he was. But, can't do it!
Things were fine until I started going out for drinks and food with him. He always asks me to cover up for him which I don't mind. What pisses me off is that when I get something for like 10 dollars he would go on and order several items, costing me at least 100 with no remorse at all. This happened on two occasions. And the last time we hung out, he asked me to buy him a drink, which I agreed to thinking that he would pay for the other items he had ordered, but he left without paying for anything.
I ended several associations with my women friends due to this type of behavior. Wanting to dine out have lunches, at expensive restaurants, during which they'd drop hints about their job loss or something financial going on; so I'd pick up their tab. One of these women made it clear she wouldn't attend something unless someone picked up her tab. It became clear that she didn't want our company unless someone was paying for her lunches. She would refuse to meet out unless someone offered to pay. She didn't want friendship, she wanted free food. Once I made it clear I would stop, I haven't seen her since then and that was several years ago. I'm sure someone else is paying for her food now, but I don't know or care who it is. She was lazy, unmotivated and had no goals in life. She dabbled in MLM businesses but could hardly pay her own rent. She'd lose job after job because she was habitually late to work. She was even too lazy to mooch effectively; she'd show up at restaurants, very late, while the rest of us were getting ready to leave, but someone would offer to stay and pay for her meal.
People are like stray cats, when you stop feeding them, they'll move on to the next house. They go where the free food/free stuff is. Once you take that away, they're gone.
I really like this person and enjoy his company. But at the same time I don't want a user in my life. I would really like you advice on this. Should I see if this happens for the third time, or should I drop him now? What would be the best way do it?
Believe people when they show you what kind of person they are. This one is showing you that he is a moocher.
I think it's fair to go out with him again, and when he asks you to cover a drink, just shake your head and say, "Hey, I've covered you the last two times we went out -- your turn, now!" You may find that he is truly clueless and pays willingly, or he may argue with you and say, "Oh, it all evens out." That's your clue to smile, and find yourself busy the next time he calls. Or, from now on, just do separate checks. If he stops hanging out with you, it means he's gone on to his next mark. :-)
Seems like many of us have had a 'friend' like this. Good company & fun to be around. Their egos are such that they think it's perfectly acceptable for others to pay their way. It's how some people go through life.
You've got off lightly before waking up. Just wait for him to ask to borrow your car to 'visit a dying relative' (The real reason will be to go to Burning Man or similar festival) You'd then get a phone call saying that your cars broken down interstate because he ran it into the ground or ignored the oil light. Not his fault though, it'd be yours because it's a 'piece of crap' (It's NEVER their fault)
Or he'll turn up on your doorstep with some sob story of how he's been unfairly evicted by a landlord who had it in for him (No-doubt because he was months behind in rent), asking to crash on your couch for 'a few days'. You'll pay for his food, clean up after him, pay ALL the bills & the only time you'd see him is while he's asleep on your couch. Once he's ensconced you'll need a court order to have him removed.
Or he'll need an emergency operation to save his life, which will turn out to be rehab, hair implants or a penis extension. And off-course, he'll expect you to pay.
No, you've got off lightly BoxField. A few meals & drinks are nothing for what he's got planned. It's how people like this operate. And once he's exhausted his welcome he'll just move on to his next victim.
You've been warned.
Last edited by Legion777; 12-30-2017 at 03:55 PM..
So I made a new friend who moved to my town recently. He's going through a transitional period in his life and seems to be struggling financially. We have a lot in common and we hit it off instantly. He almost always initiates contact and asks me to hangout with him.
Things were fine until I started going out for drinks and food with him. He always asks me to cover up for him which I don't mind. What pisses me off is that when I get something for like 10 dollars he would go on and order several items, costing me at least 100 with no remorse at all. This happened on two occasions. And the last time we hung out, he asked me to buy him a drink, which I agreed to thinking that he would pay for the other items he had ordered, but he left without paying for anything.
Now the money isn't the problem for me because it's something I can easily afford. But if there's one thing I hate it's being taken advantage of. And knowing that maybe this person doesn't enjoy my company at all and probably befriended me for my money.
I really like this person and enjoy his company. But at the same time I don't want a user in my life. I would really like you advice on this. Should I see if this happens for the third time, or should I drop him now? What would be the best way do it?
I would drop him. I do not get in these types of situations because I do not loan or borrow money. I am not sure why you like him. He is inconsiderate and disrespectful. He initiates hanging out with you because he has found a live one.
I actually did give some money to a young man to help buy his lunch. The next day he asked again. I told him I did not have any money and that was that. Break the cycle.
Sometimes, people will exploit someone if they think the person has no other friends. They'll think "John will pay for me because he has no other friends; and if he doesn't, I won't be his friend anymore". If you are vulnerable in this way, I would urge you to stop contact with this person because this type of relationship borders on being financially abusive.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
