Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Do you ever feel as though you have little in common with other people?
I am a 30 something woman who has several pregnant colleagues. I have no desire for kids, but hearing about hospital choices for deliveries, breastfeeding, etc really makes me feel as though we have little in common. I find that stuff boring-- don't get me wrong, being a good parent is important-- but talk about something that many women share always makes me feel a little like there is something wrong with my disinterest.
We also live in a great house in the city where many of my friends are oohing and aahing over moving to some suburb or another. I have no interest. I get asked over and over why I am not doing the same and there are lots of reasons, but it really comes down to it not being my lifestyle choice.
And we are getting married. Low key. Not traditional. Every time I tell someone this, they get really excited. I am kind of dreading the whole ceremony/party part as I don't really enjoy large social settings and get anxious. But this is yet again a shared experience that many think is wonderful. I try to be polite and change the subject or say "its just a small wedding." And yet people really go overboard wanting to talk about it. I really find myself feeling like there is something wrong with me.
It's not worth examining. You are who you are, and you learn to do what it takes to work with others. As long as I am kind to people, I have found that they will accept that and "meet me where I'm at."
The ones who don't are the ones with the problem. They get no attention from me.
Do you ever feel as though you have little in common with other people?
I am a 30 something woman who has several pregnant colleagues. I have no desire for kids, but hearing about hospital choices for deliveries, breastfeeding, etc really makes me feel as though we have little in common. I find that stuff boring-- don't get me wrong, being a good parent is important-- but talk about something that many women share always makes me feel a little like there is something wrong with my disinterest.
We also live in a great house in the city where many of my friends are oohing and aahing over moving to some suburb or another. I have no interest. I get asked over and over why I am not doing the same and there are lots of reasons, but it really comes down to it not being my lifestyle choice.
And we are getting married. Low key. Not traditional. Every time I tell someone this, they get really excited. I am kind of dreading the whole ceremony/party part as I don't really enjoy large social settings and get anxious. But this is yet again a shared experience that many think is wonderful. I try to be polite and change the subject or say "its just a small wedding." And yet people really go overboard wanting to talk about it. I really find myself feeling like there is something wrong with me.
Why don't you try keeping things to yourself? Maybe it's your age and most likely being into social media.
Why do you keep telling people you're getting married? You said it's a small wedding(which is wonderful and actually smart), so don't tell every acquaintance or people you cross paths with your plans.
Maybe as you get older you will find it's better to keep somethings to yourself or only share with people who are close to you.
And when people ask you something you're not comfortable with talking about a simple "Why do you ask?", is the best response. Puts it back on them and it usually ends with a change of subject.
Why don't you try keeping things to yourself? Maybe it's your age and most likely being into social media.
Why do you keep telling people you're getting married? You said it's a small wedding(which is wonderful and actually smart), so don't tell every acquaintance or people you cross paths with your plans.
Maybe as you get older you will find it's better to keep somethings to yourself or only share with people who are close to you.
And when people ask you something you're not comfortable with talking about a simple "Why do you ask?", is the best response. Puts it back on them and it usually ends with a change of subject.
Haha, well some of the people who are making a big deal are the vendors we need to talk to for the wedding. For example, I am getting a dress altered. Its vintage, was a wedding dress but not a formal one. The seamstress went on for a good five minutes about how wonderful it is that I am getting married and don't I want a "fancier dress"? No, actually I don't. Mine is simple and chic. But there was an expectation. So its that kind of stuff.
The people who are close to me are are for the most part, more on the same wavelength. But family and colleagues make assumptions and then want to talk about it.
I am mixed race with darker skin and look more African American. People assume I like rap. I don't. People try to talk to me about rap. I know nothing about it. But still they do. Its that same kind of thing. People make assumptions that can be alienating.
Haha, well some of the people who are making a big deal are the vendors we need to talk to for the wedding. For example, I am getting a dress altered. Its vintage, was a wedding dress but not a formal one. The seamstress went on for a good five minutes about how wonderful it is that I am getting married and don't I want a "fancier dress"? No, actually I don't. Mine is simple and chic. But there was an expectation. So its that kind of stuff.
The people who are close to me are are for the most part, more on the same wavelength. But family and colleagues make assumptions and then want to talk about it.
I am mixed race with darker skin and look more African American. People assume I like rap. I don't. People try to talk to me about rap. I know nothing about it. But still they do. Its that same kind of thing. People make assumptions that can be alienating.
But you see you can nip this in the bud.
The seamtress "Why spend a ridiculous amount of money on a dress I will wear once, smart people like my husband and myself would rather have a down payment on a house than waste money on a one day event"....end of subject.
You see you don't let people like this "go on for a good 5 minutes", you take control(it's your business not hers) and nip it in the bud. Learn to speak up for yourself.
" Totally clueless about rap, I like classical(or whatever music you like) so I can't really comment".
You seem to think you have to explain yourself to other people, you do not.
And again "why do you ask?" is a wonderful response to invasive questions. Most times the person will get flustered, because you put it back on them and the subject quickly changes.
Haha, well some of the people who are making a big deal are the vendors we need to talk to for the wedding. For example, I am getting a dress altered. Its vintage, was a wedding dress but not a formal one. The seamstress went on for a good five minutes about how wonderful it is that I am getting married and don't I want a "fancier dress"? No, actually I don't. Mine is simple and chic. But there was an expectation. So its that kind of stuff.
The people who are close to me are are for the most part, more on the same wavelength. But family and colleagues make assumptions and then want to talk about it.
I am mixed race with darker skin and look more African American. People assume I like rap. I don't. People try to talk to me about rap. I know nothing about it. But still they do. Its that same kind of thing. People make assumptions that can be alienating.
People ask questions because they are looking for commonalities, not always about assumptions or being nosy.
Seems to me the seamstress was complimenting you and all you had to say with a smile is thank you. As for the rap music you can easily turn the conversation around to asking them if they like rap music, and who and why. If you don’t enjoy conversation then fine just state you are not a fan of it.
It's not worth examining. You are who you are, and you learn to do what it takes to work with others. As long as I am kind to people, I have found that they will accept that and "meet me where I'm at."
The ones who don't are the ones with the problem. They get no attention from me.
People ask questions because they are looking for commonalities, not always about assumptions or being nosy.
Seems to me the seamstress was complimenting you and all you had to say with a smile is thank you. As for the rap music you can easily turn the conversation around to asking them if they like rap music, and who and why. If you don’t enjoy conversation then fine just state you are not a fan of it.
The problem isn't so much that I don't know how to evade topics or turn them around, its more that I don't identify with others. The more colleagues discuss their values, hopes, expectations, etc., the less I feel as though we connect. I have a few close friends who understand this, but we all exist in a greater world.
Many people make assumptions that you have the same ideas and values that they do. For example, if you are a woman of childbearing age it is assumed you will want to have children. You can deflect this line of reasoning or conversation in all manner of ways, but the assumption is still there. It is likewise assumed that you really want to get married. Or that you want a big house in the suburbs. Or a certain type of car, pet, vacation, whatever. Once you make your preference known, the Venn diagram of your interests and values vs theirs has a much smaller or non-existent overlap. Realizing this can feel depressing and make you question if there is something wrong with you.
The problem isn't so much that I don't know how to evade topics or turn them around, its more that I don't identify with others. The more colleagues discuss their values, hopes, expectations, etc., the less I feel as though we connect. I have a few close friends who understand this, but we all exist in a greater world.
Many people make assumptions that you have the same ideas and values that they do. For example, if you are a woman of childbearing age it is assumed you will want to have children. You can deflect this line of reasoning or conversation in all manner of ways, but the assumption is still there. It is likewise assumed that you really want to get married. Or that you want a big house in the suburbs. Or a certain type of car, pet, vacation, whatever. Once you make your preference known, the Venn diagram of your interests and values vs theirs has a much smaller or non-existent overlap. Realizing this can feel depressing and make you question if there is something wrong with you.
I have had assumptions made about me all my life and sure I don't identify with a lot of others who are involved with certain interests of lifestyles, this is fine. I say just be you, enjoy your life and those you do relate too and let go of the others.
I find sometimes assumptions are made and stated as a means to get you to share your preferences, therefore they get to find out more about you. I let them guess You don't owe anyone and explanation. In some situations I have been knows to just respond "boy did you get that wrong" but I don't feel the need to elaborate and if they ask how I just tell them it's probably best not to make ASSumptions about others.
Seriously there is NOTHING wrong with you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
