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I definitely would start playing some mind games with the secretary, though LOL.
But I'm kinda deviant like that.
OP, as distasteful as it might be, maybe you could catch them in the act sometime. Or arrange for them to be caught. The thing that struck me about this whole scenario is the chilling way your dad asked for her photo when the guy was asking him about hiring her. That indicated to me that this was not a "one thing led to another" kind of situation. He probably had done it before.
If that is the case, direct confrontation doesn't work with that kind of person as well as their getting caught red-handed does. So if you think they are hooking up when he goes in early or stays late, you could walk in early one morning. Does your mom ever come into the office?
No I did not snoop his phone. Yesterday he gave me his old MacBook Pro that he doesn't use anymore. I guess he didn't know it was still getting text messages on it so after I charged it back up (it had been dead for a few months) it started blowing up with text messages he had gotten in the past. Most of which were from the secretary. It made it very clear what they were doing. I guess you could call it snooping if you wanted to cause after I saw a few come up that were very suspicious I read them. It was obvious what has gone on and is still going on.
I would leave the MacBook open at home and let mom "discover" the messages.....
Another thing to consider OP, let's say everything comes out in the open. The woman at work can file a sexual harassment lawsuit against your dad and the company.
I remember at one company I worked, one the ladies was seeing a manager and when it came out (both were married) the company terminated their employment. She filed a lawsuit "claiming" she never wanted to mess around but that he threated to get her fired if she didn't. All BS but the company settled.
You say this is your dad's company right? he is putting that on the line with his actions.
I found out some things I shouldn't have yesterday. So I've had my suspicions that my dad is having an affair, but yesterday I confirmed those suspicions after seeing months of texts back and forth between him and the secretary. I am the only one in my family that knows about this. I'm having trouble on what to do. My dad has a very bad temper so if I confronted him about it I'm not sure how things would go. I can't just go tell my mom because it would destroy her. My sister already hates my dad so I can't tell her and my brother sides with my dad on everything (because he's going to be the owner of the company one day).
I'm at a loss on what to do. When I read the messages yesterday, I felt so sick I threw up. Another problem is I am 21 years old. I am currently working for my dad. I am supposed to go back to college next year after taking a little more than a year off. The problem is that I know if I bring this situation to light. I will most likely be fired and I will not end up going back to college next year. (my dad would not be able to understand how I could betray his "trust" by snooping behind his back)
I can't keep all of this on my conscious. I sit in the office with the two of them all day Monday- Friday. I am at a loss on what to do and need someone's input on the situation.
I'm sorry to say this and I mean that sincerely, but it appears to me that 'cheating' is a "situation" which has 'reared it's ugly head' for you personally as well and now with your father.
In light of that I would only say to you, knowing that you yourself have 'lived' through such an experience, how would you have felt had someone 'tipped' you off ahead of time?
I will only say this, weigh your circumstances with your father, your siblings, and especially your mother and ask yourself if there's a possibility that your mother may already suspect or know and take it from there.
I definitely would start playing some mind games with the secretary, though LOL.
But I'm kinda deviant like that.
OP, as distasteful as it might be, maybe you could catch them in the act sometime. Or arrange for them to be caught. The thing that struck me about this whole scenario is the chilling way your dad asked for her photo when the guy was asking him about hiring her. That indicated to me that this was not a "one thing led to another" kind of situation. He probably had done it before.
If that is the case, direct confrontation doesn't work with that kind of person as well as their getting caught red-handed does. So if you think they are hooking up when he goes in early or stays late, you could walk in early one morning. Does your mom ever come into the office?
I feel so bad for you, OP. Hang in there
I also suspect that Dad has done this before, or at least was planning this in advance, if he hires a womenwithout an interview just because she was divorced and looks great in a photograph.
"Covering it up is deception?" You mean the deception the father and secretary are perpetrating? Talk about shooting the messenger ...
Or are you suggesting the OP should take on the role of the "voice of reason" here? This 20-something young man who is still mostly dependent on his father?
Normally I would recommend directly confronting the father. In this case, however, doing so could be VERY risky for the OP. His father has put him in a very crappy position. Dear old Dad is far from a mature adult, and frankly I wouldn't trust him NOT to shoot the messenger ... or worse.
Seriously, think about all the reasons people are advocating for telling: Do it to protect your mother? He can't do that.
Does he want to stop his dad from having the affair? He can't do that.
Does he want to make sure nobody in the family keeps secrets? He can't do that.
Does he want to right this wrong? You can't do that.
In my experience, people who find themselves in sick, twisted situations like this are not prepared to deal with FACTS, so they react and accuse and deflect and defend and suppress and hide and twist and lie some more.
Revelation is rarely as satisfactory as people will hope.
^^This ^^^ is deflecting. Good example I must say.
I disagree with this deception that you advocate in favor .
Negligence has been defined and challenged. If you sit and do nothing ...you are as guilty as the secret itself.
In principle and practice I politely disagree with the reasoning or assumptions stated in your post.
In my experience ...and to quote a phrase ' you are only as sick as your secrets. '
Let's both come to an agreement that this young person has an opportunity to do the right thing...and speaking the truth is rarely wrong.
If you sit and do nothing ...you are as guilty as the secret itself.
Yeah, that's a pithy quote, but it's not practical for every situation. Here's one I like better: "The truth is rarely pure and never simple." And it has nothing to do with deflecting.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3
Let's both come to an agreement that this young person has an opportunity to do the right thing...and speaking the truth is rarely wrong.
It's obvious you haven't thought this through completely.
I'll decline to agree with you on the definition of "the right thing," too.
All of this moral rectitude is so very misplaced for this particular situation.
The affair is none of the OP's business, as a son.
Affairs are as common as a blink of the eyes. Happens all the time. Which doesn't make it right, but it's extremely common. People acting as if this is some sort of crisis are way off-base. The affair will play itself out.
The OP needs to stay out of his father's personal business. No one knows the state of a marriage except the two people who are married.
And some posters are over-dramatizing the situation, giving terrible advice, spouting moral rectitude, and seem to just be participating in the argumentation for the fun and drama and self-serving entertainment factor.
And some posters are over-dramatizing the situation, giving terrible advice, spouting moral rectitude, and seem to just be participating in the argumentation for the fun and drama and self-serving entertainment factor.
I agree.
The OP needs to keep his head down and find a way out from under his father's thumb.
When he's his own man, then he can think about confronting him. But right now, until he knows what he wants to even do with this information, confronting Dad will do nothing but escalate the drama.
I don't think the OP needs to be "out from under his father's thumb".
The OP can just keep his job with his father's company at this stage of his life, and return to attending college.
The OP should NOT jeopardize his source of financial income and his ability to return to college.
The whole affair thing will play itself out, without unnecessary interference from the OP.
The OP can find a different job at a later date, if he chooses to.
Last edited by matisse12; 02-10-2018 at 04:25 PM..
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