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I will support whatever decision my niece makes. I am the only one who has offered to pay, my sister won't, her bf won't, and she doesn't have the money. She wants an abortion maybe she will change her mind I don't know. I don't get any satisfaction out of this drama, I have two kids and husband to also worry about. I just want to help my niece.
Ignore the hysterical accusations. You helped raise your niece. She's lucky to have you in this situation.
This is not about me, this about how to help my niece. She is in a tough situation because she wants to get an abortion since she knows she is not ready to be mother especially without my sisters help. However, she also doesn't want to go behind her bfs back and get an abortion. This is a sticky situation she is stuck in.
The bfs family has called me and sent me long Facebook messages begging me to not to pay for the abortion. It's my money so I am going to ignore them, but they are nice people and I have been cordial with them. The bfs parents are not his biological parents but adopted, they adopted and raised many children. They are a very nice couple that I think would raise the child wonderfully but they clash a lot with my sister.
I agreed to pay for the abortion before even knowing about the drama with the bfs parents. I knew about the drama about between my niece and sister, and my niece's bf was initially for the abortion before his parents convinced him otherwise. My sister doesn't care that I am paying. I have helped raise my niece so just leaving her to sort this issue out herself seems cruel.
I would definitely give her the money to pay for it. Without a doubt. Or you can give her enough money to have an abortion and say "I thought you could use some extra money". The end. It's a shame she told her boyfriend and the family in the first place.
Same thing could happen if she has the baby. The niece needs to make a decision soon, and she's the only one who can.
Yes, it is absolutely her decision. The problem is, she is still in love with her bf and doesn't want to hurt him by going behind his back and getting an abortion. I am trying to help her manage this sticky situation. She is scared and doesn't want her bf to leave her and is trying to convince him that abortion is the best option in this case. The bfs parents are mostly clashing with my sister.
I will support whatever decision my niece makes. I am the only one who has offered to pay, my sister won't, her bf won't, and she doesn't have the money. She wants an abortion maybe she will change her mind I don't know. I don't get any satisfaction out of this drama, I have two kids and husband to also worry about. I just want to help my niece.
I posted in a prior post that my niece told her boyfriend who I guess told his parents. They were able to look me up on Facebook.
Has she talked to any health care providers who can discuss all the options? I don’t see that she Can find a compromise with the boyfriend, unless she decides to have it and that also has lifelong ramifications.
... except the sister and husband aren't doing ANYTHING except being pissed.
They won't help their daughter raise the baby, they won't help pay to terminate, and they're just sitting there throwing a fit.
The young woman is barely out of her teens, has some kind of learning disability, and needs support. If her aunt can provide it, she should.
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I wasn’t talking about regular counseling but getting counseling by professional health care providers who can actually discuss all her options, abortion vs adoption, etc.
Putting aside personal opinions about abortion or how the parents are handling this what you are doing is undermining your sister and her husband and you jhave put yourself right in the middle. The best advice I can offer is that you direct your niece to getting counseling and to resolve this with the parents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
... except the sister and husband aren't doing ANYTHING except being pissed.
They won't help their daughter raise the baby, they won't help pay to terminate, and they're just sitting there throwing a fit.
The young woman is barely out of her teens, has some kind of learning disability, and needs support. If her aunt can provide it, she should.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy
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I wasn’t talking about regular counseling but getting counseling by professional health care providers who can actually discuss all her options, abortion vs adoption, etc.
Adoption isn't an option unless the father agrees to it and I doubt he will since he and his parents seem to want the baby, for now anyway.
How long before the BF's parents start asking the girl's parents to pitch in? Not long I'll bet.
The girl's parents seem to be setting her up in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation by not offering to pay for the abortion.
I think OP should give her niece the money and let her make her own decision.
Adoption isn't an option unless the father agrees to it and I doubt he will since he and his parents seem to want the baby.
Why can't the BF keep the baby, and raise it, if he wants to do that. Or, his parents could adopt the baby. I have actually heard of that happening several times in families that I know.
That could be the best of both worlds. Mom could give up her parental rights and never see the baby again (just like what would happen if she had an abortion) and Father and his parents can raise a living child. Win=win.
If Mom gives up her parental rights she has no obligation to pay child support and no rights whatsoever regarding the baby.
To be honest, the relationship with the boyfriend is likely doomed. Either she keeps the baby and ends up in a parenting relationship she wasn't ready for and resentful that she was pressured into it, or she has the abortion and the boyfriend gets pissed off and ends it.
She needs to decide what's best for her. The relationship is secondary.
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