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Everyone has the right to hug or not hug...no matter who it is. It is not about respect for the other person, its about respecting your own boundaries.
But this thread wasn't to talk about the hug...it was to suss out if he still has a thing for you. No one here can tell you that. Sorry. I guess you could ask him, but it might offend him and ruin your friendship. I say let it go.
I am so G0Dd@mned tired of this hugging fetish that has become worse than the flu in this county.
Come to think of it, it probably spreads the flu.. so cut it out!
I am of South European descent, and don't care a whit what others think... I don't hug anyone in public.
So nobody can possibly be offended ...like I care even if they were?
So one of my best friends, him and I had a very short fling. Gay males here. But that was a year ago and we have been friends since. There are feelings on both sides, but mine have definitely faded a lot, but I can tell he gets jealous when I hang out with other gay guys. Not my problem and I have moved on from wanting to date him again because he is too insecure and jealous (case in point you will see in this thread). Besides I just started dating someone recently.
So we hung out the other day before he was heading out for a big international trip. Night was fine and we had a good time per usual. We decided to split the cab, I would get dropped off last. While in the cab the topic of another gay friend of mine who I used to have a super short fling with, but we are just friends, came up. I mentioned to him that this friend invited me to a party, some gay party, that I wasn't sure if I was going to attend. This friend in the cab kept insisting that I should go, and I said maybe. He then he kept saying "No, you should go, you should really go," repeating it to me in a forceful way. I found it odd, but decided to ignore it. Again not my problem.
Then he started to mention how his friend is trying to get him to date this guy. I told him he should try it out that you never know how that guy may be. That's all I said. Then he seemed to get weird about my comment.
Fast forward and we get to his place. He's about to get out of the cab and I put my arms out to hug him and to tell him to have a good trip (and we always hug when we say goodbye). He flat out moves out of the cab looking at me with my arms open to hug, avoiding the hug and nothing, not handshake or anything. He said he would let me know when he gets back and we can hang out. Before he closed the door I asked if he seriously wasn't going to give me a hug as I sat there with my arms open looking like an idiot. He said "No," closed the cab door and walked away (and I thought I saw him smiling as he walked away).
I was pissed. I felt it was rude and disrespectful. So 5 minutes later I sent him a text saying that all I wanted to do was give him a hug and wish him a good trip. That what he did was bogus. He responded with a emoticon that was a sort of smile.
I then responded to him that I was being serious and I didn't appreciate it. I again reiterated how wrong it was and told him to not ever do that again. I wasn't in the mood for a back and forth so I finished my text telling him I hope he had a good trip and to take care, making it clear I didn't want to chat anymore. He only responded to my text about the wishing of a well trip saying 'thank you'.
Needless to say I felt like he was playing a game, and I think it's in relation to getting jealous to our conversation in the cab, but to me it was just disrespectful. I give two ****s if he still likes me or not. Friend, stranger, family, you need to show respect. If your best friend is putting their arms out to you to hug you to say goodbye, you just walk away and say no? Especially when we hadn't fought or anything like that.
The next time I see him, since he didn't apologize or say anything I want to bring it up saying that was very rude and to not pull that stunt again. If he would have apologized or something of that nature in response to my text I would then drop it. But he ignored those parts of my text. Or do you think with my text message he got the message and leave it at that? Also am I being petty about this?
Point is I feel like I was disrespected and not gonna tolerate it, so I feel like I need to make that clear to him, unless you all think I am overreacting? Just for the record he's never done anything like this before, but I want to make it clear that this isn't acceptable.
I think you are behaving like a 3 year old. Forgetabout it.
You both need to stop telling each other what to do and then creating drama. Why is it such a big deal whether or not you attend a party or he gives you a hug? And the jealousy games are just immature. Why can't you just accept each other and be friends rather than looking for conflict over trivia?
Just let it go. Continuing to bring it up is awkward, and it seems like you're just making drama for no reason. For whatever reason he wasn't feeling it, and then you just kept on about it after you'd made your point. Let it go.
I hug all my friends and they hug me, gay or straight. And like I said him and I always hug when we see each other and when we say good-bye. And how is hugging between the two of us inappropriate?! Our fling was super short (like a few weeks). I mean for crying out loud ex's who were together for years they hug each other when they see each other and even a kiss on the cheek sometimes. Geez it's just a hug, it's not like you are making out with the person.
In his defense I will say he is not the touchy feely type, but if he doesn't like getting hugs then he needs to communicate the better than in such a rude way.
I would find it more odd that you don't hug your friends.....
He did communicate that he didn't want to hug you .
I find it odd that everybody wants to hug ...often... I'm not touchy feely either ....
All of this talk about different cultures and Latin versus Russian and being touchy-feely or not is beside the point. The relevant issue is that the OP and his friend had established their own custom with each other, wherein they would hug each other when saying goodbye. So I think the OP is reasonable for expecting to receive a hug when saying goodbye. If the friend had grown tired of their custom, it was incumbent upon him to find a tactful way of letting the OP know, instead of just walking away and leaving the OP with open, empty arms.
Now that it's done, I would suggest that the OP suppress his likely desire to hug his friend the next time he sees him. Just stand there and say hi. If the friend initiates a hug, I would recommend that the OP return it, but then bring up a discussion about the apparent mixed messages, and ask the friend how he would be comfortable proceeding in the future.
I am so G0Dd@mned tired of this hugging fetish that has become worse than the flu in this county.
Come to think of it, it probably spreads the flu.. so cut it out!
Then don't hug. Some people enjoy it. Should they refrain from hugging each other out of deference to your preferences in the matter?
Well, he clearly got your goat, didn’t he? Now that he knows how to pull your string, he’ll probably do it again.
My advice? Drop this. Move on. Hold yourself in check with this guy and see how things develop.
He is probably enjoying this a little, especially since he has a thing for you.
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