Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So one of my best friends, him and I had a very short fling. Gay males here. But that was a year ago and we have been friends since. There are feelings on both sides, but mine have definitely faded a lot, but I can tell he gets jealous when I hang out with other gay guys. Not my problem and I have moved on from wanting to date him again because he is too insecure and jealous (case in point you will see in this thread). Besides I just started dating someone recently.
So we hung out the other day before he was heading out for a big international trip. Night was fine and we had a good time per usual. We decided to split the cab, I would get dropped off last. While in the cab the topic of another gay friend of mine who I used to have a super short fling with, but we are just friends, came up. I mentioned to him that this friend invited me to a party, some gay party, that I wasn't sure if I was going to attend. This friend in the cab kept insisting that I should go, and I said maybe. He then he kept saying "No, you should go, you should really go," repeating it to me in a forceful way. I found it odd, but decided to ignore it. Again not my problem.
Then he started to mention how his friend is trying to get him to date this guy. I told him he should try it out that you never know how that guy may be. That's all I said. Then he seemed to get weird about my comment.
Fast forward and we get to his place. He's about to get out of the cab and I put my arms out to hug him and to tell him to have a good trip (and we always hug when we say goodbye). He flat out moves out of the cab looking at me with my arms open to hug, avoiding the hug and nothing, not handshake or anything. He said he would let me know when he gets back and we can hang out. Before he closed the door I asked if he seriously wasn't going to give me a hug as I sat there with my arms open looking like an idiot. He said "No," closed the cab door and walked away (and I thought I saw him smiling as he walked away).
I was pissed. I felt it was rude and disrespectful. So 5 minutes later I sent him a text saying that all I wanted to do was give him a hug and wish him a good trip. That what he did was bogus. He responded with a emoticon that was a sort of smile.
I then responded to him that I was being serious and I didn't appreciate it. I again reiterated how wrong it was and told him to not ever do that again. I wasn't in the mood for a back and forth so I finished my text telling him I hope he had a good trip and to take care, making it clear I didn't want to chat anymore. He only responded to my text about the wishing of a well trip saying 'thank you'.
Needless to say I felt like he was playing a game, and I think it's in relation to getting jealous to our conversation in the cab, but to me it was just disrespectful. I give two ****s if he still likes me or not. Friend, stranger, family, you need to show respect. If your best friend is putting their arms out to you to hug you to say goodbye, you just walk away and say no? Especially when we hadn't fought or anything like that.
The next time I see him, since he didn't apologize or say anything I want to bring it up saying that was very rude and to not pull that stunt again. If he would have apologized or something of that nature in response to my text I would then drop it. But he ignored those parts of my text. Or do you think with my text message he got the message and leave it at that? Also am I being petty about this?
Point is I feel like I was disrespected and not gonna tolerate it, so I feel like I need to make that clear to him, unless you all think I am overreacting? Just for the record he's never done anything like this before, but I want to make it clear that this isn't acceptable.
Last edited by frimpter928; 05-21-2018 at 01:18 PM..
You've already said your piece. I wouldn't bring up the next meeting, I'd just back off and focus on others. If you feel he's playing game and don't want to play, then just back off. The game playing is to get a reaction out of you, he certainly made an impact. He should be honest and direct, but if he's not going to do that, would there be a point to continuing this friendship?
You've already said your piece. I wouldn't bring up the next meeting, I'd just back off and focus on others. If you feel he's playing game and don't want to play, then just back off. The game playing is to get a reaction out of you, he certainly made an impact. He should be honest and direct, but if he's not going to do that, would there be a point to continuing this friendship?
Yup that's why I have also thought not even addressing it. It would give him the 'power' over me that I think he seeks. If he does it again, or something of that nature, I will definitely start to pull away from the friendship more drastically.
I think hugging is inappropriate between the two of you, as one of you clearly does not want it.
So much hugging is over-done, excessive, unneeded, unwanted.
I think hugging is inappropriate between the two of you, as one of you clearly does not want it.
So much hugging is over-done, excessive, unneeded, unwanted.
I hug all my friends and they hug me, gay or straight. And like I said him and I always hug when we see each other and when we say good-bye. And how is hugging between the two of us inappropriate?! Our fling was super short (like a few weeks). I mean for crying out loud ex's who were together for years they hug each other when they see each other and even a kiss on the cheek sometimes. Geez it's just a hug, it's not like you are making out with the person.
In his defense I will say he is not the touchy feely type, but if he doesn't like getting hugs then he needs to communicate the better than in such a rude way.
I would find it more odd that you don't hug your friends.....
Firstly, a hug while sitting in a car is very awkward. And it would have been even more awkward for him to bend down or get back in the car to give you a hug. And would you have still been angry if he gave you a hug only because you called him out on it?
Mainly, I think demanding a hug is rude and inappropriate. He owed you neither a hug nor an apology for not hugging you.
Firstly, a hug while sitting in a car is very awkward. And it would have been even more awkward for him to bend down or get back in the car to give you a hug. And would have still been angry if he gave you a hug only because you called him out on it?
Mainly, I think demanding a hug is rude and inappropriate. He owed you neither a hug nor an apology for not hugging you.
Perhaps it's a cultural thing then. I am Latino and we ALWAYS hug and kiss on the cheek when we see someone. It's rude NOT to do that in our culture. Walking away from someone without a hug/kiss is rude. He is Russian and he is cold when it comes to physical stuff. But the precedent has been we always hug, so it just seemed rude to me.
Perhaps it's a cultural thing then. I am Latino and we ALWAYS hug and kiss on the cheek when we see someone. It's rude NOT to do that in our culture. Walking away from someone without a hug/kiss is rude. He is Russian and he is cold when it comes to physical stuff. But the precedent has been we always hug, so it just seemed rude to me.
So he's of a different culture than you, and you should respect that he's not the touchy-feely type. You've said your piece, now let it go. And don't go for any more hugs, and then you won't feel like an idiot - which I think is the crux of the issue.
FWIW, I think demanding a hug is rude and inappropriate no matter the culture. People have a right to say who and how someone touches them without being reprimanded and called rude.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
