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The context in my situation is slightly different. I had a college friend who I was friendly with from 1977 to 1994. He was reasonably intelligent but lost a series of jobs from the time of his graduation, 1980, till 1994. He never worked for me or my law office.
Nevertheless he put our office as an employment reference during 1994. I told him never to call or contact me again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa
Why do I even waste my time writing thoughtful posts?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa
(Take 2) Why do I even waste my time writing thoughtful posts?
Am I the only one here who thinks that as her "f-buddy" (ugh...what a term...), P deserves to know that she "hooked up" with someone else, if for no other reason than she could very well give him something nasty, since she didn't know the hook up guy? She hooked up with a total stranger who has been with who knows who and could be carrying an STD. P needs to know and it would be a cruel disservice NOT to let him know. HIV is still around, along with other diseases that, while less potentially fatal, still need to be treated and can be spread to others.
And she is upset that P doesn't want to get serious with her, even though she is more concerned with what will happen to her wants and needs if he finds out what she did than if she possibly exposed him to an STD? Smart guy, that P.
Makes me feel even better that I have been in a monogamous marriage for 30 years. What tangled webs people weave...
Do we know for sure that "P" is only sexing "D" ( I think that we need some kind of flow chart or diagram here!)? If "P" doesn't want to be exclusive, with her that doesn't mean that he is celibate when he's not with "D". If they are not exclusive and just f-buddies, each person is free to go out and do whatever with someone else- therein lies the danger in these relationships.
And why are 7 girls sharing one hotel room- wasn't it overcrowded?
So! Backstory: I have a friend named D and she and my boyfriend's friend P have been seeing each other for a few months, dated, f**k buddies- whatever you call it.
I invited D to go on a recent girls trip together, and one night, she got drunk and went home with a random. She also had a flight to catch early the next morning (she was leaving earlier than the rest of us) so she came back to the hotel and left the next morning (I was still asleep). Once landed, I received a text from her asking me to lie/not to tell my bf or P that she didn't come home the night before, and tell them she was sleeping on the couch. Wtf?
I ignored that text but plan to tell her straight up that if she wants to be shady, she can be shady herself and that it's too late because I already talked to my boyfriend that morning. What irks me more is the fact that she was crying over P a few weeks back on how he doesn't want to get 'serious' with her and she had a pic of them together on her phone screen saver, as she smooches up next to that random guy at the club. Bleh.
What would you do in this case?
I would lie for her, especially if she’s a good friend. That’s me though. If you’re not friends with the guy to me it wouldn’t be a big deal. I once took a punch for my bff covering for something she did (we were teens, and the person who punched me thought I had done it rather than her, she was not there when I was confronted).but she’d have done the same for me.
Me too. But my point is not that I am judging the friend’s behavior, but that OP is. She hasn’t said anything nice about her. Sometimes you grow out of your friendships and it takes a little time to notice!
Yeah, I decided to distant myself from her after the trip. To be honest, I have built up annoyances from her from the whole trip, which is irrelevant to this thread so I won't mention but I was a bit over the friendship. Now that she's mad at me.. oh well.
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Originally Posted by Ms. Tarabotti
Do we know for sure that "P" is only sexing "D" ( I think that we need some kind of flow chart or diagram here!)? If "P" doesn't want to be exclusive, with her that doesn't mean that he is celibate when he's not with "D". If they are not exclusive and just f-buddies, each person is free to go out and do whatever with someone else- therein lies the danger in these relationships.
And why are 7 girls sharing one hotel room- wasn't it overcrowded?
Yes, he's a good friend of my bf and they talk. I even asked D if she believe he wasn't seeing anyone else, and D also confirmed that before. And IDK- a lot of f-buddy relationships I have come across has been "exclusive" f-buddy relationships. It makes sense.
And lol- why does that matter? Who said it was 7 girls to 1 hotel room? We got 2 Vegas connecting suites. If you have seen those- they are huge and could've been big enough for 4 more girls.
I want to know if anyone would have covered for my erstwhile friend. Also I'd like thoughts on that situation; lying to the public and asking a friend to cover.
I want to know if anyone would have covered for my erstwhile friend. Also I'd like thoughts on that situation; lying to the public and asking a friend to cover.
I wouldn't have lied in your situation. This is very different from the OP's situation. This is your livelihood that could have been impacted. And, he didn't ask you; he just went ahead and did it - expecting you to cover for him. Even if he had asked, though, I wouldn't have covered for him. I was just pointing out one of the differences.
I would have been very upset but I'm not sure if I would have ended the friendship as you did.
(I'm re-reading your post. I had assumed you didn't cover for him, but it's not clear if you did or didn't.)
Nope, I’d stay in my own lane on this one because the fallout would be bad for any party that got involved. I’m not lying for anyone because that’s bringing me in. Of course I would not have told the BF either so I’d stay completely out of it.
I agree its none of her business and definitely dont lie .. Opening your mouth in these situations never works..
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), P deserves to know that she "hooked up" with someone else, if for no other reason than she could very well give him something nasty, since she didn't know the hook up guy? She hooked up with a total stranger who has been with who knows who and could be carrying an STD. P needs to know and it would be a cruel disservice NOT to let him know. HIV is still around, along with other diseases that, while less potentially fatal, still need to be treated and can be spread to others. 
