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1) older brother sexually abused me starting at (my age) 5
2) older sister supported said older brother when I FOOLISHLY forgave OB and allowed him to move into my house for what was supposed to be a short term deal. OB didn't pay any rent, complained that he didn't have the "master bedroom" because he was "the man of the house" and "the man needs the most privacy" - even though he wasn't paying for ANYTHING and *I* OWNED the house. OB was also constantly leaving his 7 yo son alone in the house. I might come home at 3 AM and find the kid there alone and not see OB for DAYS. He would actually go on trips and leave the kid alone in the house, even when *I* was supposed to be gone that weekend for a trip.
3) OS tried to smash my career by lying to the investigators when they came around to ask questions in order for me to get my top secret security clearance. Local investigator came to interview me about what she had said. When he saw my face after telling me why he was there, he reassured me with the following statement: "Don't worry. We know somebody here is crazy, and we are pretty darn sure it isn't you."
4) OB was constantly subjecting me to additional physical and emotional torture until I escaped him by moving away from home at age 17.
5) Youngest sibs both ripped my dad off when he became elderly. Repeatedly. My YS moved in with him and took all his money. My YB actually had given the mortgage company and all his utilities the phone number for my dad so that when he didn't pay his bills, they would just call my dad for payment.
6) OS talked my dad OUT of moving to a retirement community where they would have checked his house every week for light bulbs that needed changed and other regular maintenance, where they would even have tilled up his garden and EVEN WEEDED it for him all summer. Consequently when I had pneumonia and couldn't get there one weekend (4 hour drive for me, 45 mins for OS) he got up on a ladder to change a light bulb, fell, and broke 2 vertebrae in his back. It took him 6 hours to crawl across the floor and get the phone to call for help.
7) YoungER (not youngest, who I have referred to as YB above) brother has not paid for at least 3 cars I "sold" him. Yeah. I don't have anything to do with him any more either. He only ever called when he wanted anything anyway. Now that I don't actually HAVE anything he doesn't ever contact me any more and I find I DO NOT MISS him either. Overall not as bad as the rest - but obviously still not upstanding by any definition.
So - decades of lying, cheating, stealing, verbal, physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse on the part of every one of my siblings towards me, which started in childhood and continued throughout all of our lives.
And you wonder why some people don't want anything to do with sibs? LOL!
Different ages, different interests, different intellects, and often the parents do things that drive siblings apart: unequal treatment, abuse, favoritism.
Sometimes one of the siblings has a mental disorder or addiction, or dishonesty that makes them difficult to be around.
Sometimes just one sibling doesn't want to socialize and you can't force people to hang out together. Sometimes one sibling goes around the twist over religion .
Different ages, different interests, different intellects, and often the parents do things that drive siblings apart: unequal treatment, abuse, favoritism.
Sometimes one of the siblings has a mental disorder or addiction, or dishonesty that makes them difficult to be around.
Sometimes just one sibling doesn't want to socialize and you can't force people to hang out together. Sometimes one sibling goes around the twist over religion .
Yup, my family, word for word. I have a brother whom I wouldn't mind seeing passing before my mom does. The old lady deserves a little peace before she goes.
1) older brother sexually abused me starting at (my age) 5
2) older sister supported said older brother when I FOOLISHLY forgave OB and allowed him to move into my house for what was supposed to be a short term deal. OB didn't pay any rent, complained that he didn't have the "master bedroom" because he was "the man of the house" and "the man needs the most privacy" - even though he wasn't paying for ANYTHING and *I* OWNED the house. OB was also constantly leaving his 7 yo son alone in the house. I might come home at 3 AM and find the kid there alone and not see OB for DAYS. He would actually go on trips and leave the kid alone in the house, even when *I* was supposed to be gone that weekend for a trip.
3) OS tried to smash my career by lying to the investigators when they came around to ask questions in order for me to get my top secret security clearance. Local investigator came to interview me about what she had said. When he saw my face after telling me why he was there, he reassured me with the following statement: "Don't worry. We know somebody here is crazy, and we are pretty darn sure it isn't you."
4) OB was constantly subjecting me to additional physical and emotional torture until I escaped him by moving away from home at age 17.
5) Youngest sibs both ripped my dad off when he became elderly. Repeatedly. My YS moved in with him and took all his money. My YB actually had given the mortgage company and all his utilities the phone number for my dad so that when he didn't pay his bills, they would just call my dad for payment.
6) OS talked my dad OUT of moving to a retirement community where they would have checked his house every week for light bulbs that needed changed and other regular maintenance, where they would even have tilled up his garden and EVEN WEEDED it for him all summer. Consequently when I had pneumonia and couldn't get there one weekend (4 hour drive for me, 45 mins for OS) he got up on a ladder to change a light bulb, fell, and broke 2 vertebrae in his back. It took him 6 hours to crawl across the floor and get the phone to call for help.
7) YoungER (not youngest, who I have referred to as YB above) brother has not paid for at least 3 cars I "sold" him. Yeah. I don't have anything to do with him any more either. He only ever called when he wanted anything anyway. Now that I don't actually HAVE anything he doesn't ever contact me any more and I find I DO NOT MISS him either. Overall not as bad as the rest - but obviously still not upstanding by any definition.
So - decades of lying, cheating, stealing, verbal, physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse on the part of every one of my siblings towards me, which started in childhood and continued throughout all of our lives.
And you wonder why some people don't want anything to do with sibs? LOL!
WoW! I had to read this a second time to make sure that I hadn't written this myself, changing a few details to "protect" the guilty.
Dunno. Since I grew up in a family of 7. We were as close as peas in a pod. Kinda had to be ...
I feel sorry for folks that do not get to experience the family bonding that can aide in times of triumphant
and moments of challenges.
We were all a year or less apart so ...maybe our age and our family traditions was a key. We didn't have much food or "material" things, we had each other...and THAT was way more endearing then the animosity that I see prevailing in some threads about family...
Ohh we had our fights ...we also had some crazy memories....Sliding down three flights of a circular bannister and getting a splinter sometimes! We still laugh about that one! Or the day we buried our little army toys out in the yard....We had ditches everywhere ! Mom wasn't too proud but us kids thought that was the best battlefield we created!
My Half sister came along ten years after the youngest of us was in school. She kinda ended up being spoiled....Would take well into my recent years to make amends towards her...despite her "entitled" attitude.
She often said in her adult years that she was the odd one out when the rest of us got together....because we had those times together. She got all the time, affection and material things my mom could muster....so there was that....
Because all families are strange in their own way.
I am the fourth of four. I get along very well with my brothers. But my sister is something else entirely. She was always a bit self-centered, but she went completely off the deep end about twenty years ago. She and my BIL moved into a new neighborhood, one where all the neighbors were just a bit too creepy. They were always into each other's business, they were always vacationing together and just gave off too weird a vibe for words.
Eventually, my sister started taking long girls' trips to the beach. Not one or two a summer, but eight or nine, leaving my BIL at home to take care of the kids. At some point, my steady-Eddie BIL--a devoted family man and hard worker--just was suddenly too dull for her perpetual party girl ways. I don't know for sure that she stepped out on him, but I would lay pretty significant odds. Voila, the divorce comes after three years of constant drama, and she snags a new boyfriend--after luring him away from his wife at their class reunion. Evidently, it was quite the scandal.
So my sister, once a pretty interesting gal who was well-read and made friends of people from all walks away, transformed over time into kind of a shallow person with whom I have nothing in common.
It really doesn't help that she's kind of a my-way-or-the-highway person at all times, the instant expert on all subjects. An example? One Christmas Eve dinner, my nephew and I were discussing the fantastic book Into Thin Air, the story of the failed Mount Everest expedition. About five minutes into the discussion, my sister chimes in, "Everest? Bah, any idiot could climb Mount Everest? Honey, I could work out for two weeks and get it done." Never mind that one person in ten dies trying to reach the summit. Never mind that you have to step over the dead bodies that litter the slopes. Never mind that you have to train for years to do it. Nope. In my sister's eyes, it was little more than Disney World. The only thing missing was a gift shop at the summit. And, despite the fact that everybody at the table were telling her how seriously misinformed she was, there was no backing down.
So after my mother goes to the great Bridge Club In The Sky, I'm pretty sure I'll see my sister about once a year.
Same here. I am the fourth of seven, six of us still living. When Mom is gone, I'm sure I'll have little contact with two of them. One sister is the stereotypical extreme right-winger, all about guns and intolerant of everyone, makes racist remarks about black people even though another sister has a black husband for 42 years now. Jokes about shooting Obama. My daughter is vegan, so when she sees her, it is endless remarks about bacon and how bloody it is butchering animals and the percentage of bones in fine china. She thinks she is hilarious. 66 years old and acting like this.
Another brother never met a conspiracy theory he didn't like. I am a World Trade Center survivor of the 9/11 attacks, and when I tell him that some of what he believes is not true because I KNOW it isn't true, he just kind of nods and smiles. Thinks I am the victim of mass hypnosis by the government or something and didn't actually see what I saw that day.
Once Mom is gone, I will likely have little to do with either of those two. My other two sisters I will remain in touch with, and probably my other living brother. We don't have much in common, but he is harmless.
Sometimes the parents were the glue that held the whole thing together. The parents die, the glue is gone, the nuclear family fissions. With nothing to hold them together they recede at whatever escape velocity they had when the family fissioned.
At its worst one of the siblings goes for the family money, and sometimes they get it.
I would add that as the parents age they may need help which includes caregiving. Nothing worse than having a sibling turn their back on your parents and another sibling/siblings at a time when a family should helped each other out.
It's the worst kind of cut, and once the parents are gone well the betrayal just goes too deep to forgive.
'And it is usually the "do nothing" sibling who now has time and shows up when it times to read the will.
I would love to be close to my brother, but he took advantage of our Mom once our father passed away. Long, long story short, he’s a big reason for where she is now. He took advantage of her every step of the way and I’ll never forgive him for it. I don’t know where he is. I don’t care. He will not get one opportunity to do to me what he did to our Mom.
I don't understand why so many siblings aren't close into adulthood. You grow up together and share the same blood and parents. What happens?
Well, while you may share "the same blood and parents" you may not grow up together. We four siblings are quite close as adults but only the two oldest ( 2 1/2 years apart) really "grew up together". I barely remember my oldest sister before she moved out to go to college. And, our youngest brother was a preschooler when both of his oldest siblings were in college. He has absolutely no memory ofthem ever living in the same house with him and our parents, except for brief visits during Christmas break or holidays (as they did not live at home during college, even in the summers).
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-22-2018 at 09:17 PM..
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