I think my friend is stalking me (member, children, present)
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Oh my. I've posted about my own stalker friend on here before. Same thing, does nice things for me, and she is my catsitter (I pay her) since I travel every month.
Oddly, she has the same behavior as your friend in making my family issues her own.
Anyway, she used to call me the minute I walked in the door from work. We live in the same condo complex, but she is down the street and around the corner. She can't see me. But it happened too much. I finally asked her if she was parked down the street watching my house. She laughed and said no, but what I did was stop answering her calls. Eventually I learned that the old lady in the first courtyard who sits outside watching everything would call her when she saw my car pass and let her know I was home. Tag-team stalking.
I have to tell her straightforwardly to stop showing up at my door unannounced, that I prefer she call to see if I am busy (she doesn't leave once she is there until I literally say, "It's time for you to leave.") It works temporarily, but then she falls back into her old habits.
I also have to be careful not to mention where I am going or what I am doing at times because she invites herself along. I mean to visit MY mother or once, visit a friend who lives in another state for the weekend. I was speechless when she pulled that last one. She'd met my friend once and somehow figured she'd be welcome to come along the next time I went.
Anyway, these people are passive-aggressively manipulative even if they have a "nice" side to them, and they have to be managed firmly and bluntly. Hints and subtleties do not work.
If it's a smart phone, the Do Not Disturb is perfect for this. I have mine set so that the only calls I receive are from the people in my "Favorites" list. So you can set yours up so that your mother, her caregivers, and your kids and grandkids can all call and you'll hear it, but everyone else is sent to voicemail.
Hey, I didn't even know this! I'm going to check into it right now.
Oh my. I've posted about my own stalker friend on here before. Same thing, does nice things for me, and she is my catsitter (I pay her) since I travel every month.
Oddly, she has the same behavior as your friend in making my family issues her own.
Anyway, she used to call me the minute I walked in the door from work. We live in the same condo complex, but she is down the street and around the corner. She can't see me. But it happened too much. I finally asked her if she was parked down the street watching my house. She laughed and said no, but what I did was stop answering her calls. Eventually I learned that the old lady in the first courtyard who sits outside watching everything would call her when she saw my car pass and let her know I was home. Tag-team stalking.
I have to tell her straightforwardly to stop showing up at my door unannounced, that I prefer she call to see if I am busy (she doesn't leave once she is there until I literally say, "It's time for you to leave.") It works temporarily, but then she falls back into her old habits.
I also have to be careful not to mention where I am going or what I am doing at times because she invites herself along. I mean to visit MY mother or once, visit a friend who lives in another state for the weekend. I was speechless when she pulled that last one. She'd met my friend once and somehow figured she'd be welcome to come along the next time I went.
Anyway, these people are passive-aggressively manipulative even if they have a "nice" side to them, and they have to be managed firmly and bluntly. Hints and subtleties do not work.
I think you're on to something!
My friend really does have a nice side to her - I mean, I think she's a sweet person in many ways. But when it comes to personal boundaries, it's like she just has no clue. She also often says things that I would just not say to anyone - without going into details I'll just say that I don't talk about intimate sexual stuff with anyone. I mean, if I was having a serious issue of some sort I'd talk to a close girlfriend, but I don't share intimate details about sexual things in general. She will just throw it right out there - NO BOUNDARIES. No filter if that makes sense.
In that regard, I just laugh and sort of sit there amazed - to be honest, she's often really funny and so it's not like I'm sitting around suffering from her friendship. But I won't go there.
She doesn’t have to go out of her way to stalk you on Facebook, when you share something it shows up in her news feed immediately... that’s how Facebook works! She knows you’re up... You just announced you were up... You and all of her other friends who are still posting at that hour. She doesn’t even have to touch anything it just appears. If she has the chat feature on she may be able to see if you’re online with whether you post anything or not. That’s not stalking, really.
‘Stalking you’ would be discovering this post.
I understand how FB works, but thanks. I don't "know" who is up and posting though I guess because I just don't pay attention to that - I don't notice "when" someone posts something, and I don't think, "Oh, they're up - I'll give them a call!" My mind just doesn't work that way and also, I have my FB notifications turned off - I don't care anything about getting "notified" when people post things.
What I do is before I go to sleep, I scroll down through various posts to sort of catch up - mostly to see if any of my kids have posted any new photos. If I see something interesting, I may post it myself. I do NOT mean to be "announcing to the world" that "Hey, I'm awake - CALL ME!" Heck, I'm almost certainly in the bed about to turn out the light and go to sleep!
Besides the fact that I don't want to chat with people, even close friends, after about 9 or 10 pm, I just don't like the fact that if I post something, she thinks she can call me because I'm awake. Ugh. STOP IT.
But that's OK, I've stopped it myself by changing my settings to only allow calls from my Favorites list after 9 pm.
I just think it's inappropriate behavior on her part, considering that I've already told her I don't want to get calls late at night. She knows that - I mean, she doesn't call me late at night when my husband is home so she knows she "shouldn't" do it. I don't like that she's noticing "Hey, she's up," and then thinking it's OK to call me so late. Grrr.
Stalking you or simply alerted that you are active, awake and online?
OK call it whatever you want, but just because I'm in the privacy of my own home, and want to post something doesn't mean I want people calling me "because" they assume that I'm "active." So what if I'm awake or online? I can do that any time I want, but that doesn't mean I am "open for business." If I'm awake at 2 am, should people who see me post something assume it's OK to call then? Just because I'm awake, active, or online doesn't mean I want to chat on the phone.
I thought about being catty and calling her about 7 am, because well, I'm "active and awake" and why shouldn't she be as well? But I know she's not, and call me old fashioned or whatever, but I think it's polite to be considerate of other's schedules and preferences. Even if I noticed that she was "active, awake and online" I wouldn't call her, or anyone else, at 7 am unless it was a freaking emergency. Or at 11 pm.
That's just me, I guess, but people who consider themselves to be a good friend of mine KNOW that, and people who aren't good friends of mine sure as heck better not call me in the middle of the night.
If it's a smart phone, the Do Not Disturb is perfect for this. I have mine set so that the only calls I receive are from the people in my "Favorites" list. So you can set yours up so that your mother, her caregivers, and your kids and grandkids can all call and you'll hear it, but everyone else is sent to voicemail.
The problem with this is when the kid gets in a car accident and the police or hospital call you from a number you don't know that is not in your Favorites list.
It used to be that civilized people knew not to call past 8 p.m. or before 8 a.m. We have unfortunately let ourselves become an instant gratification addicted society and that went out the window along with a lot of other nice things.
My DH has friends in CA who can't seem to comprehend that the time zone difference makes it 3 hours later here. When we lived in CA they used to call him at 9 or 10 pm, and DH didn't mind talking to them, FOR AN HOUR! But now when they call at 9 or 10 there, it's midnight or one here! I finally got DH to stop answering at that hour, and it's starting to get better. Every time they call now he says what the time is here, just to hope it sticks in their head that it's LATER here. LOL...sigh.
Last edited by TheShadow; 10-12-2018 at 08:35 AM..
Reason: sp.
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