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Background on question: I am 22 and he is 23. I met my boyfriend in 2012 and we dated until 2017. In 2016, he left to join the military and was recently discharged and living in Texas still. We broke up due to long distance, but have talked every day since and I finally went to visit him in person in February of this year. He and I decided that I should move in with him, and I am ready for a change. When I told my mom I was going to visit him, she called me a disappointment and that she was going to find him on Facebook and tell him to leave me the eff alone. She said I need to move on from him and that she will never approve. My dad is quite and said he was disappointed in me when I went to visit. My mother is emotionally abusive and hates everything about me and him, separately and together. She has never liked our relationship due to his mental illness, him being my first boyfriend, and him growing up in a bad home life. She will kill me when I tell her I am leaving, but I am applying for jobs and have somewhere to keep up on my own medication for my mental illness. How do I tell her and my dad that I am moving to Texas from Ohio to live with this guy that they hate? I'm scared to death to tell her because I'm afraid of what she'll do to me and I'm scared to tell my dad because I dont want him to be disappointed and hurt by me because I actually do love him and want him in my life in the future unlike her.
You are a grown woman. I suggest you set everything up and go. Tell her as you're leaving otherwise, she will find a way to manipulate you into staying. Emotionally abusive is sometimes the worst kind of abusive because it can be subtle or straight forward however again, you are an adult. It's time to forge your own path and do what's right for you, not your parents.
Background on question: I am 22 and he is 23. I met my boyfriend in 2012 and we dated until 2017. In 2016, he left to join the military and was recently discharged and living in Texas still. We broke up due to long distance, but have talked every day since and I finally went to visit him in person in February of this year. He and I decided that I should move in with him, and I am ready for a change. When I told my mom I was going to visit him, she called me a disappointment and that she was going to find him on Facebook and tell him to leave me the eff alone. She said I need to move on from him and that she will never approve. My dad is quite and said he was disappointed in me when I went to visit. My mother is emotionally abusive and hates everything about me and him, separately and together. She has never liked our relationship due to his mental illness, him being my first boyfriend, and him growing up in a bad home life. She will kill me when I tell her I am leaving, but I am applying for jobs and have somewhere to keep up on my own medication for my mental illness. How do I tell her and my dad that I am moving to Texas from Ohio to live with this guy that they hate? I'm scared to death to tell her because I'm afraid of what she'll do to me and I'm scared to tell my dad because I dont want him to be disappointed and hurt by me because I actually do love him and want him in my life in the future unlike her.
How did he manage to enlist with a mental illness?
I’d say just go and drop Them a line after, they have a choice to accept it or not, but how they treat you thereafter will determine the rest of your relationship, if there is one left to have with them. You’re an adult , not a baby. So live your life.
But are you sure that moving in with him is the best idea? What mental illness does he have? Can you afford to live on your own there, without moving in with him? Do you know anyone else in Texas?
Please use reliable birth control, whatever you do.
How did he manage to enlist with a mental illness?
This. More info needed. We don't know anything about the quality of this relationship; only that you've been with this guy (except for the LDR period) since you were 15. You should be sure you have a good job there, so that if things don't work out--and they may not, because living with someone is different from dating them--you'll be able to get your own place. In fact, I'm inclined to suggest, that you go there planning to have your own place from the start. Then, if things go well, you can move in together later.
But you didn't ask for advice about that. I don't understand, why both parents said you were a "disappointment", just for going to visit your bf. What's wrong with visiting a friend? Are they very conservative, and disapprove of sex before marriage, is that it? If so, there's no way around it, you'll just have to go. Overprotective parents tend to make decisions that prevent their kids from growing up and maturing.
What kind of job does he have? Has he dealt with his childhood abuse issues? That can handicap people in life, and it can make it challenging to maintain a stable relationship.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-22-2019 at 09:52 AM..
Don't tell her until after you're in Texas with him BUT be sure moving to Texas is the right thing to do. If you move and it doesn't work out, it doesn't sound like you will be able to move back home. If things with your boyfriend don't go as planned (and it sounds like that's a possibility), what's your back up plan? Where will you go? Where will you live? Can you support yourself? All those questions need to be answered before you move.
I agree with BirdieBelle, make sure you're using effective birth control.
Living in the same town as him, but with your own place to live, would be a better start, imo. Are you paying rent to your parents? If not, then save the money that would go toward rent, until you have enough for a deposit on your own place. Going from the frying pan, into the fire, is not a good idea. I, like others, are curious as to his mental illness. And I strongly agree about using solid birth control, util you know more about your future relationship.
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