Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But, 20 years of birthday, Christmas, graduation gifts from his Aunts who per the OP are like second mothers creates no obligation? Not to mention the time and personal attention they also provided, like including him in their family vacations. Gotcha.
The OP claims they are like second mothers. I wonder if the Son feels the same way.
It's quite possible that the Son doesn't feel as close to these relatives as the OP thinks he should.
It sounds like he wants to go to Vegas. Yet, as you say, not inviting the family is rude and non-family oriented. You're one of the ones painting him as a terrible cold family-hating person for not inviting the family-- so yes, it does indeed sound like you're saying he's not good family and like it'll be the end of the world for these people if they're not invited to the wedding.
As far as family upholding the couple's commitment? That doesn't happen in real life. They're on the side of whoever their family member is, if they even choose to get involved. And, not being an insider to the marriage, they have *no idea* what is going on in the marriage, so should not get an opinion. (This is how so many people are encouraged by family/friends to stay with abusers, cheaters, etc.-- because the family has no idea that's going on but think their input is required on the relationship.) No thanks. Anyone who's not going to be in that dark bedroom while we work out our problems or sitting with us at couples' counseling can butt out of my relationships, especially when it comes to their opinions on whether we should stay together or not.
.
Again, you are putting words in my mouth. I doubt the son hates his family and no one's world is going to end whatever happens at this wedding.
What I have said is that he is selfish, self centered and self entitled. Lots of people, more and more are.
All the stuff you typed about your idea of upholding a couples commitment is just bizarre.
That is not how you support a marriage lol and its not what is meant by the religions that have this custom of the guests who are present affirming they will support the marriage.
I missed Blondy's post about some ceremonies including a response from the attendees. That that I say "so what?" Does that require EVERY friend and EVERY family member to be there for it? You could have 1 or 2 witnesses, and the sentiment still stands. What a ridiculous argument. In my state, witnesses aren't even required, and actually, a ceremony isn't even required. You sign a document and you're married.
You totally missed the point.
It is not an argument for how many people to be there.
It was addressing the comment that the wedding is all about the bride and groom. Its not and any bride and groom who thinks that are the epitome of self-entitlement.
People who think that way should just have some card board cutouts of parents and other family members to stand up as props at their wedding/party.
Let it go Blondy... Not quite sure why you are using so much energy to rebuff most people's opinions/responses. Every family dynamics are different, past history effects present decisions. We really don't have the complete story.
Putting guilt on a son will not help the situation. There is more to this story--there always is.
In the end---the couple gets to decide.
I'll respond to people who address me as I see fit.
Again, you are putting words in my mouth. I doubt the son hates his family and no one's world is going to end whatever happens at this wedding.
What I have said is that he is selfish, self centered and self entitled. Lots of people, more and more are.
All the stuff you typed about your idea of upholding a couples commitment is just bizarre.
That is not how you support a marriage lol and its not what is meant by the religions that have this custom of the guests who are present affirming they will support the marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondy
You totally missed the point.
It is not an argument for how many people to be there.
It was addressing the comment that the wedding is all about the bride and groom. Its not and any bride and groom who thinks that are the epitome of self-entitlement.
People who think that way should just have some card board cutouts of parents and other family members to stand up as props at their wedding/party.
You are being ridiculous. Not everyone is close to their families. Not everyone thinks a bunch of witnesses are necessary at their wedding. Clearly you do, but that doesn't mean your way is the only way. A lot of people get married with few or no friends or family present. It doesn't make their marriage any less valid.
Another way to state that the couple is selfish is to say that a wedding should be for other people, not for yourselves. Do you really think people should plan and pay for a wedding that isn't what they want, but is what their extended family wants? Really? We're not talking about parents and siblings. We're talking about aunts, uncles, and cousins.
What do you think about people who go to the courthouse with no witnesses? Horrible, selfish people? Why do you have such a hard time understanding that different families have different dynamics?
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 01-07-2019 at 08:02 AM..
Reason: typo
I have a feeling the groom spoke too soon, then went to his finance who said "wait, what? we said 'immediate family' only." No matter how the OP or her son feel about the rest of the family, they are not "immediate" and I'm sure the bride knows that, and was planning on inviting her "immediate family." As for the rich uncle, I agree that's a little odd, but maybe his living nearby and being involved in his work is the reason for the invitation. He's 1 person, maybe 2, not 20.
Possible, but since he initially told his mom that of course they were considered immediate family and invited, it doesn't seem likely.
Initially he probably wasn't considering how expensive it would get to invite everyone, so with that knowledge, he suddenly wasn't feeling as open to inviting everyone, and they were cut. So it does seem likely.
This thread demonstrates what I believe is a fundamental generational disconnect.
From my perspective, weddings are about the two people getting married. Period. Their day, their rules, their type of party (or not.) I have been to a lot more small and elegant weddings, courthouse weddings, intimate weddings, quirky weddings with those of my age bracket and below than I have huge parties. This is not to say I know a lot of poor young people (though some were, many were not) but to say that this was the preference of the two people getting married.
From perspective of those of my mother's generation and before, weddings are about the family. A display of wealth. A joining of two families and legacies. It involves the inclusion of important friends and even acquaintances so that they can all take in the demonstration of financial and social werewithal. These blow outs often happen with a younger couple who don't have the resources to make their own decisions about how the event goes, so mom takes over. If someone deigns to make the wedding about them (bride/groom), pays for it, and eschews a big social gathering with people they aren't close to, there is guilt and whining by parents/aunts/uncles/neighbors whoever.
Personally, I much prefer a smaller and less splashy celebration with meaning to the couple. But that isn't going to stop older folks from complaining that they aren't getting the dream wedding for their child they always imagined.
You are being ridiculous. Not everyone is close to their families. Not everyone thinks a bunch of witnesses are necessary at their wedding. Clearly you do, but that doesn't mean your way is the only way. A lot of people get married with few or no friends or family present. It doesn't make their marriage any less valid.
Another way to state that the couple is selfish is to say that a wedding should be for other people, not for yourselves. Do you really think people should plan and pay for a wedding that isn't what they want, but it what their extended family wants? Really? We're not talking about parents and siblings. We're talking about aunts, uncles, and cousins.
What do you think about people who go to the courthouse with no witnesses? Horrible, selfish people? Why do you have such a hard time understanding that different families have different dynamics?
What makes you think I don't understand that different families have different dynamics?
We're not talking about your family, or mine, or anyone but the OP's.
The dynamics in her family include aunts as close family and inviting them to weddings. Her son has now ignored/rejected that dynamic and she's upset about it. For you to act like that is some abnormal dynamic is quite ridiculous. Its a very normal dynamic in MANY families. Probably more normal than not inviting them.
I also have no idea why you keep bringing up courthouse weddings which have no relevance to the discussion at hand. I have zero opinion on them in any case.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
