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They've been dating 1 year and my sister and I have been living together for 2. My sister and I bought a house together. I have a boyfriend as well. My bf has his own place and whenever we see each other it was at his place. My sister's BF, however, lives at home with his parents, and has been for the last 5 years. He is 35.
He stays over at our place at least 5 days out of the week and does not contribute one bit. He wants to marry my sister, but where will they stay?!?!? I have made it clear that he is not moving in with us as this is also my house. He recently left his ATM statement in my car and he had a VERY LOW amount of money in there.
Time for an honest discussion with your sister. Make clear your stance and why you feel this way. Can you work with her to set some limits??
He's 35 and living at home? Oh dear, something's amiss. What does your sister think of this? Does he work???
I don't blame you for your feelings, it encroaches on your privacy....when you in fact go to your bf's home to be together...they are inconsiderate about your time.
Time for an honest discussion with your sister. Make clear your stance and why you feel this way. Can you work with her to set some limits??
He's 35 and living at home? Oh dear, something's amiss. What does your sister think of this? Does he work???
I don't blame you for your feelings, it encroaches on your privacy....when you in fact go to your bf's home to be together...they are inconsiderate about your time.
it's so frustrating. I showed her his atm statement and she had no idea. Now she's deciding to cook everynight which makes him come over even more. Yes he works. I don't know how much he makes, but living at home he should be making more than me and my sister as he doesn't have to pay for rent or electric bill, or HOA!!!
I'm thinking of having a conversation with my sister, but I brought it up before and she got really angry.
What did you agree on re guests and if one of you gets married in relation to the co-owned property before you did this?
That the one getting married would move out with the man, assuming the man had his own place. That was just a given. Then the person unmarried would keep the house for 1 year and we'd still share mortgage for that time. After that year the house would be sold or rented out.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gurlbye
That the one getting married would move out with the man, assuming the man had his own place. That was just a given. Then the person unmarried would keep the house for 1 year and we'd still share mortgage for that time. After that year the house would be sold or rented out.
Well I meant "a given" meaning that the guy should have his own place, whoever we date. We grew up that way. Overnight is fine every once in a while, just not every night.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by gurlbye
Well I meant "a given" meaning that the guy should have his own place, whoever we date. We grew up that way. Overnight is fine every once in a while, just not every night.
And you agreed to this before purchase, explicitly? (Not assumed it?).
They've been dating 1 year and my sister and I have been living together for 2. My sister and I bought a house together. I have a boyfriend as well. My bf has his own place and whenever we see each other it was at his place. My sister's BF, however, lives at home with his parents, and has been for the last 5 years. He is 35.
He stays over at our place at least 5 days out of the week and does not contribute one bit. He wants to marry my sister, but where will they stay?!?!? I have made it clear that he is not moving in with us as this is also my house. He recently left his ATM statement in my car and he had a VERY LOW amount of money in there.
Help!
I would suggest the following.. Seperate your feelings about your sister, her boyfriend and your living situation from your financial situation.
It would not make sense to sell the house now as likely you would incur transaction fees that would eat away any benefits of you mortgage amortization schedule. So from that perspective you, her, or both of you are "stuck" for now.
Then the discussion goes to variable expenses such as groceries, utilities, etc.. which are completely valid that he contribute a proportional amount (likely now 1/3 but something like 10 - 15% of these costs).
Finally as long as he's not taking up specific areas and lives with your sister it likely isn't neccessary to charge him for rent unless your sister wants to. If he is a burden (leaving messes, taking up additional common areas, using a garage space) then he should be paying a portion of the mortgage.
Either way letting him be a freeloader won't help your financial situation, your relationship with your sister, or their relationship.
Didn't you get many opinions and suggestions about this some months ago?
How have things changed?
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