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Who knows why he is drawing this line, but he must have his reasons.
Try to move past it and just enjoy your birthday with your friends. Just let it go. Think about it ... you're mad because he won't take on this responsibility you're asking him to take on. I know it seems like no big deal to you, but he may think you're asking him to babysit you the whole time.
And hell no, he doesn't have to pay for your Uber.
My birthday is coming up on Saturday, and I am going out to a local bar for some drinks with 3 friends. One of the people who is coming is a longtime friend, who also lives a few houses down the street from me, and this person doesn't drink at all. Not even the occasional beer or glass of wine. He is still perfectly fine with coming and wants to, and I figured he would have no problem picking me up, since he lives right down the street, and being my designated driver so I could have a few drinks. I am a responsible drinker also and was only planning on having 2 or 3 drinks. I texted him to see if he could hitch a ride with me there and back, expecting it to be no problem, and he responded with, "No, sorry, I won't be able to pick you up. I don't know how many drinks you plan on having and I dont want you getting sick in my car." I responded with, "Don't worry, I could understand why you'd be hesitant, but I'm only planning on having 2 or 3 drinks, which I've had plenty of times at parties and never gotten sick or even drunk with that amount. Now that you know that, will you pick me up? I'd really appreciate it and would give you gas money also" And he responded with, "No, sorry. Find your own way there."
I don't even know what to think here. I told this guy I'm planning on being responsible, we've been friends for years, and he lives right down the street from me so he can't use the excuse that it's out of the way. All I wanted him to do was give me a ride so I could enjoy a few drinks on my birthday. And he was so rude about it also. I'm not even sure if I want him to come anymore, given how rude he is being, but there are only 4 of us going in total, and he is just as good of friends with them as I am. I actually texted one of the people going with screenshots of his texts, and they responded with, "Wow, that is so rude of him. I'm going to talk to him and try to fix this, and if he won't, then we'll figure it out." I appreciate that very much, but if they still can't convince my "friend" to drive me, I'm going to have to Uber or drive myself and have maybe one beer or so. I feel that he should pay for it if I Uber if he's going to be this ridiculous. He's excited about Saturday otherwise, but part of what bothers me is how rude he was about the whole thing. He doesn't trust that I'm not going to be sick, and I don't even want to get plastered like that. I simply wanted to have a good time. My other friend will be speaking to him tomorrow to try and straighten him out because she agrees that he's being rude, but I am thinking of approaching it myself and telling him I don't want him there or that he has to at least pay for an Uber.
Your friend doesn't need to be "straightened out". Next time, don't automatically assume that the friend who doesn't drink will be happy to be your driver at the end of the night. He's been clear about it so accept his decision and don't push the matter.
As a responsible drinker, you shouldn't have any problems being an adult and paying for your own Uber ride. It takes gall to think someone else should pay to send your future drunk bum home.
I am old enough and seen enough drama and known enough quirky people that I wouldn't bother being MAD about it, I'd try to laugh it off. I am SURE there is some story that makes it perfectly justifiable to him. He'll probably tell it. I wouldn't argue in any real or heated kind of way.... I'd just say he's made the list of people you won't bother to slow down to pick up in the Zombie Apocalypse.
He is 28 years old, but emotionally he is about 10. He lives with his parents, enjoys seeing movies and playing games rated for younger kids, and when he gets mad at anybody, he storms off into another room and shuts the door. I've seen him absolutely flip out when one of his other friends didn't want to go on a ride with him at a water park and tell him to go home. Our friend circle has said that he's basically like a child, but he's still a good guy most of the time. I don't think he has any disorder or anything, he's just very immature, but I turn the other cheek because I don't want to lose him as a friend. So perhaps with a person like him, I should be more understanding, but it's hard to say. His parents have even grounded him recently for an unrelated thing.
Last edited by xxblue100; 01-27-2019 at 08:17 PM..
Nobody owes anything to an adult birthday person. A birthday is nothing really special except for little kids and for some adults it's an excuse to get drunk and stupid. Birthdays come and go every year, it's not a big deal.
I think your neighbor didn't tell you his real reason for refusing to be your designated driver. But I don't think he's being unreasonable for refusing, whatever his real reason is for not wanting to commit to you. He said no and gave you a reason and you should accept his refusal and let it go at that. Don't try to enforce your control issues with him just because he's a friend who lives nearby. You could lose him as a friend if you and your other friend continue to pressure and make such a big issue with him over such a small thing.
It's possible he might feel it's an imposition for you to expect he would be your designated driver just because he doesn't drink and then expect him to commit to hanging around waiting for you, maybe for hours and hours, to call the shots on when it's time to go home.
I think you should get an uber or taxi or bus or make other arrangements with another friend and you should offer and be prepared to pay your way for the service.
He is 28 years old, but emotionally he is about 10. He lives with his parents, enjoys seeing movies and playing games rated for younger kids, and when he gets mad at anybody, he storms off into another room and shuts the door. I've seen him absolutely flip out when one of his other friends didn't want to go on a ride with him at a water park and tell him to go home. Our friend circle has said that he's basically like a child, but he's still a good guy most of the time. I don't think he has any disorder or anything, he's just very immature, but I turn the other cheek because I don't want to lose him as a friend. So perhaps with a person like him, I should be more understanding, but it's hard to say. His parents have even grounded him recently for an unrelated thing.
Do you really want to make a list of cons about him now?
This was supposed to be a fun night with friends, and you already knew all this ^^^^ about him before you tried to ask him this favor.
Now you're out there rallying your other friends against him. Just forget it and move on.
There may be reasons that he does not want to drive you that he does not want to share with you. Are you certain that he has automobile insurance? He may not, or his car may not even be registered, due to missing a smog check or something. Maybe he has had an automobile accident in the past (or fears one) and does not want to be responsible for someone else.
Maybe, as others have mentioned, he simply does not want to stay out as late as you do.
In any case, I don't think you should be so put out that he has declined to be your chauffeur for the evening.
It does not mean he is selfish.
Just because it's your birthday does not entitle you to free taxi rides. Your friend said -- bluntly, but succintly -- that he doesn't wish to drive you. Instead of running whining to your other friends so everyone can gang up on him for not giving you a ride, be self-sufficient and just use Uber or Lyft or a taxi to the bar, drink as much as you wish, and get your own ride back.
He is 28 years old . . . His parents have even grounded him recently for an unrelated thing.
Whhhattt?!?! What 28 year old gets grounded by his parents?!?! Sounds like there are a lot of issues going on there that go far beyond a simple refusal to drive you. Leave it alone.
Do you really want to make a list of cons about him now?
This was supposed to be a fun night with friends, and you already knew all this ^^^^ about him before you tried to ask him this favor.
Now you're out there rallying your other friends against him. Just forget it and move on.
I'm not trying to list cons. He's a great person who I genuinely enjoy hanging out with, but he is emotionally immature, which I know and other people know also. Doesn't mean we don't want to be his friend. I also wasn't intending for our other friend to talk to him and fix the situation. I simply sent her a screenshot saying, "Can you believe this?" and then she suddenly said she was going to talk to him for me. I just was venting. I'm not going to stop her from talking to him at this point, but I'm not going to uninvite him and I'm ok with paying for Uber both ways. His attitude about it was just terrible though.
I'm not trying to list cons. He's a great person who I genuinely enjoy hanging out with, but he is emotionally immature, which I know and other people know also. Doesn't mean we don't want to be his friend. I also wasn't intending for our other friend to talk to him and fix the situation. I simply sent her a screenshot saying, "Can you believe this?" and then she suddenly said she was going to talk to him for me. I just was venting. I'm not going to stop her from talking to him at this point, but I'm not going to uninvite him and I'm ok with paying for Uber both ways. His attitude about it was just terrible though.
I'm sure it was surprising. He must have had something happen in the past to make him feel that way. I guess you can be thankful he was direct with you instead of agreeing to do it but acting quiet the whole night.
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