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Unless asked to do so , does this still hold true today ? I think it should since some people seem to not know boundaries anymore . I always ask when meeting someone may I call you by your first name and sometimes people are taken aback by that . I believe in boundaries . I mean I call my friends by their first name but they are friends business acquaintance I always put this into practice . I think it is a sign of good manners and good upbringing .
I know my father looks down on anyone my age or my siblings age that calls him by his first name.
Because it is poor manners.
He wouldn't even let my sisters fiancé call him by his first name.
He feels it's a sign of disrespect if he is not called Mr.___.
One time this trashy girl from this club we belonged to called him by his first name when she was in her early twenties.
The expression on his face was not good.
He didn't correct her but told me to.
So I told her that if she addresses my father she needs to call him Mr. ------ because that is what he prefers.
She said "no I'm an adult now so I'll call him by his first name. Saying Mr.------- is what a kid would say"
Um no, saying Mr. ----- is what some that was raised with class would say.
And not addressing some one the way that they prefer to be addressed is rude, disrespectful, and trashy.
I had to make it very clear to her that she had to call him Mr. ------ and she was all pissy about it.
So trashy.
If a person is not on the same level or in the same league as a much older person they have no business calling them by their first name anyhow unless that person prefers to be called by their first name.
To have a problem with that is psycho.
(She was a total sociopath though. And she steals so what do expect from some one like that?)
In general it is just good manners and a sign of a good upbringing to show respect for your elders by addressing them by saying Mr/Mrs/Miss.
I would never call anyone twenty plus years older then me by their first name unless they asked me to.
My parents raised us to have manners.
I wasn't sure if it was a geographical thing or what... but I am from a southern state and I was raised to call people that I am not in a friend or family type of relationship with by their proper name. Mr. So and so, and Mrs. or Ms. So and So, and Dr. so and so...
We moved to the west coast and everyone goes by their first names. Even professionals such as our dentist, doctor, etc. I enrolled in classes and addressed my instructors as Mr. so and so and they laughed and thought it was strange. People ask me where I'm from. I had to get used to addressing my instructors, doctors, etc. but their first name. I'm still not used to it. It feels very odd!
It's not just a southern thing.
It's a manners thing.
Some people have them, some people don't.
But I have noticed that people in the south win the award for best manners.
Its especially noticeable in children.
So many northern kids that are asked a question by an adult say "yeah" in response.
Southern kids never say "yeah"
They say "yes" and it's usually followed by "mam" or "sir"
Old South took many if their social mores and cues from aristocratic Europe, and yes it was and still is very common to put a honorific before someone's name.
Even when only using their Christian name you hear things like "Miss Suzanne" or "Miss Scarlett" or when persons are speaking to or referring to persons they aren't on familiar (first name) grounds.
United States per the constitution also bars aristocratic titles, honors or styles. In the old south (and still today) to get around this you refer to "ladies" and "gentlemen" as Miss Scarlett or "Mr. Rhett", or "Captain Butler", etc... It is a way again of social inferiors addressing their *ahem* betters and or otherwise using someone's Christian name alone.
This or the cumbersome always sticking an honorific in front of someone's entire name when referring to them; such as "Mr. Burt Reynolds" or "Mr. Danny Thomas"...
I've noticed that guys in the military tend to do that.
"Miss Suzanne" "Miss Scarlet" etcetera like you were saying.
They seem like such well mannered classy gentlemen when they act like that.
You can't blame girls for falling for military guys when they conduct themselves like that.
I don’t use last names really, no. I mean if it’s business and it’s a client, then until directed otherwise yeah I’ll use their last name. But I’m always corrected and told “haha no just Amy will do,” or whatever. I am never bothered by anyone calling me by my first name, but at least get it right. I will correct people if it keeps happening. It’s not Jon or John or Johnny Boy, it’s Jonathan. I don’t know any Johns and I’m not one either. It bothers me a lot especially when it’s someone who I buy from like my sports memorabilia contact, like I spend how much with you and you can’t learn my proper name? Bad form. Otherwise first name is fine.
I guess I don’t take myself too seriously, I may be 36 but I still feel like I’m 21, I don’t want to be called sir or Mr. or anything else. Don’t sweat it.
I use the name I'm given at the introduction, unless told otherwise. Otherwise, it's "Mr. ...?/Ms. ...?" and they can fill in the blank or tell me what they want to be called. Our children do the same and I always introduce them as formally as possible. "Daughter'sName, this is Mrs. Batton, she's the..." And that's the name they use unless they're told otherwise.
It's safe, that way. At the same time, I have a THING about people using names they weren't given. If someone introduces themselves as Robert, don't call them Bob or Bobby or Rob or Robby. Patricia, not Pat, Patty, or Trish. William, not Bill, Billy, Will, Willy. Catherine, not Cat, Kate/Cate, Cathy. And so on. If they wanted to be called that, they would have introduced themselves as such. If someone else is doing the introduction, I'll usually ask. "It's Bill, not William, right?" Very often, they'll say their actual preference and thank me for asking.
eta: I'm in my mid-30s and was raised that everyone older than you is Mr./Ms.//Mrs. LastName. No deviation, even if they wanted to be called by their first name. I don't think, as an adult, that's very nice. People get to be called what they want to be. If someone who is clearly a man says their name is Sarah, that's what I call them. If a small child introduces herself as Miss Elaine, that's what I call her.
Right on.
Especially the part about the nicknames. I have a nice first name, in it's whole form. (No it's not Kathryn but I'll use that as an example because it's a similar concept.) I am not Kate, or Kathy - I'm Kathryn. Occasionally people insist on calling me by a nickname, and the first time I will say gently, with a smile on my face, "Actually, it's Kathryn - not Katie." If they try it again, I simply do not respond till they call me Kathryn. Typically these people are not and never become my actual friends so it's more of a temporary irritation.
In the southern culture I grew up in, we called everyone older than us "Miss" or "Mister" So and So (their first name). Except teachers and that sort of person - or very elderly people - who we called Mr. or Mrs. Last Name. Every once in awhile, someone from some other region of the country would take it upon themselves to correct my kids and say "Just call me by my first name," which confused my kids when they were very young. I just told them "The point of good manners is to help the OTHER person be more comfortable, so if she's more comfortable with you calling her by her first name, then just do it." Sigh. Thankfully, those interactions were rare.
You call your doctor “Joe” or “Mary” even if they introduce themselves as “Dr. Smith”? I don’t think that is the same category as in a regular casual setting. In certain professional settings, you might say Dr. So-and-so or Mr./Ms. So-and-so. Calling my doctor Dr. Smith doesn’t make it a toxic arrangement, it just means that I respect that they’ve gone through four years of medical school and 4+ years of residency. I have family members who are doctors and they don’t call their own doctors by their first names... A family member’s old doctor called her up a) to say she had to close the practice and b) to ask about a job opportunity for her husband and the conversation to me was still like “Dr. So-and-so called today.”
I call people, including doctors and other professionals, whatever they introduce themselves as. Generally it's "Doctor Last Name," but I have had a few doctors call themselves "Dr. First Name." OK - it's not that hard to remember and if I do forget, I just say "Dr. Last Name" to be safe. I'm sure they're used to it.
Speaking of doctors, though, I do have a gripe about a few of them. My husband works out of state for two weeks out of every month. I mean, he is nowhere around. And not to brag, but he has a professional, managerial position. He's every bit as much the professional and just as "important" as any doctor - and he would be if he had a less "powerful" or "important" position for that matter - because he's a person, just like the doctor is. He's 61 and has a few minor health issues, so he has a handful of doctors he has to see at least once a year. So out of probably four or five doctors, he has two who DO NOT COORDINATE appointments. They will just set an appointment as they see fit, and email or text him a week or so beforehand. THIS WILL NOT WORK for him. Invariably, he's working out of town, and out of the dang state, on that particular day. This really, really irritates both of us. Finally my husband had to call the staff and sort of chew on them and make it very clear that hey, JUST CALL ME before you schedule an appointment. She said, "But Dr. So and So is only in the office on Mondays and Wednesdays," and my husband said, "Well I am only in town for two weeks of every month, so that gives us four different options per month. So like I said, you need to call me so we can put our calendars together. Dr. So and So is not the only person with a schedule to work around." Sheeze!
Another doctor has tried this too, and once again, my husband had to say, "Listen, all you have to do is call me before scheduling the appointment. I cannot and will not just drop everything to come in for a fifteen minute appointment. I respect your time, and you need to respect mine too." Since then, no problems.
One time, at my workplace this Asian HCA (a new comer to the Western) went to this North America RN to ask about something, and she called the RN "Mam". When the HCA left, the RN said to others, she called me Mam, she could kiss my ass. I thought to myself "OMG, that RN is so mean". Later, I talked to the HCA "People in Western don't want to be called Mam, Sir, Mr., Mrs., Miss, etc… because they feel old to be called like that. Just call them by their first name." She learned it.
I grew up in a military family and environment in the south, and military personnel still generally call everyone either "Sgt. Last Name" or "Captain Last Name" and their spouses, "Sir or M'am." I remember clearly the first few times I was called "M'am" by someone my same age, when I became a military spouse! I was in my twenties and it was surprising, but fighting against it was futile so I just went with it.
Here in the south, often I am still addressed as "M'am" by people considerably younger than me and while I don't seek it out or expect it, I roll with it. I find it a bit quaint and sweet and typically their whole set of manners and the way they interact is pleasant so there's that. And several of my adult kids are either in the military or married to military spouses and they all use those terms, even when stationed far from the American South. It's very common among military from any region of the country.
I wouldn't say that the LACK of it was a sign of a poor upbringing (by poor I mean lacking in social graces, not income level), but I will say that when I do hear it, I do notice that the person using that term has other nice social graces. Hope that makes sense.
I hear this often on these boards but I've yet to hear anyone address another person as "hey".
"Thanks and have a nice day Hey"
Excuse me Hey, is that your cart?"
"Yes Hey"
It's more like:
"Hey, thanks, have a nice day."
"Hey, excuse me, is that your cart?"
"Hey, yeah, that's right."
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