I've had it with my BIL (boyfriend, gatherings, holidays, gossip)
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That's up to the host, to decide who will "add to the party and make things more fun for the others there." That's why a host invites some people and not others.
*shrugs*
We didn't take it that seriously.
We were in our 20s and 30s and out to have a good time and we invited people who we thought would add ot the fun.
That's it. I'm so sick of my BIL's crap. My husband continues to put up with it but...I am so done with him. I need to get this off my chest because I can't talk to my husband about it. His brother has always been a self-centered **** and I play "nice" for my husband's sake but I just can't anymore. He's a moocher, a loser, he lived with us rent free for 3 weeks a couple of years ago, and he can't even be a decent human being to my husband.
Saturday night we celebrated my husband's 40th birthday with friends and rented out a private karaoke room. It's expensive but all of our friends indicated they would happily pitch in. My husband, as always, invited his loser brother and his loser girlfriend. A few days before they asked if they could invite a friend. Really? I thought that was rude but my husband said ok. Friday night they went out for his girlfriend's birthday....we found out through the numerous social media posts they made. Did they invite my husband? No....but they can come to his birthday party AND bring a friend? They showed up an hour and a half late. Ate the food. Rolled their eyes at our friends while they sang. Left at the end without even offering to contribute any money toward the room or food.
My FIL told my husband they probably didn't contribute because they are (once again) having money troubles....yet they invite a friend along?? It's not even about the money though...it's the audacity they had to sit there being rude and making fun of everybody. It's the fact that my husband will ALWAYS invite his brother along, but they will NEVER invite us anywhere. I tried to talk to my husband about it, but he just says "It's just him...it's how he is." Well I'm done. I can't be nice anymore!
For those of you with family or in-laws you can't stand....how do you do it? I'm so sick of watching my husband feel 'crushed' because his brother can't even bother to return a phone call. My husband is very loyal...and to a fault.
Well, it doesn't sound like you'd want to go along on any of your brother-in-law's outings, anyway.
So, last night I told my husband sorry for blowing up about his brother, I just needed to vent. He then told me how he was thinking about his brother yesterday, and how he used to be. He was always a moocher, but 'back in the day', maybe 8-12 years ago, he was actually kind of fun to hang out with. They talked more and he would come out with us quite often, and actually had a decent personality & attitude. It wasn't until he got a girlfriend that the attitude really went down hill. They broke up and he immediately started seeing this newer girlfriend...we were hopeful his attitude would change with the new one, but no such luck. So I just have to stop expecting anything better. The better attitude is a thing of the past, and we both agreed on that.
I should note, my father in law told my husband some time last year that he thinks BIL is jealous of my husband. He started his own business, is married with a child, and owns his own home...he's happy & content with his life. We don't think BIL will ever have that...and that could be a reason for the poor attitude.
Like your husband said, it is just who his brother is. Nothing it going to change it so there is no point in talking to him. You really need to quit getting upset about it and let it go. Some people are just that way. I wouldn't worry about the brother in law not inviting you or your husband out when they go do something either because really, he is doing you a favor. Would you really want to go if you were invited?
Now as for the birthday party and expecting other people to pay for it.....in my opinion that is pretty tacky. If I was one of your friends or was your brother in law, I would have just made an excuse and not came if I was going to have to pay for YOUR birthday party. If you want to rent a private room for a special occasion and invite people that is fine but expecting them to pay for it.....not cool.
So, last night I told my husband sorry for blowing up about his brother, I just needed to vent. He then told me how he was thinking about his brother yesterday, and how he used to be. He was always a moocher, but 'back in the day', maybe 8-12 years ago, he was actually kind of fun to hang out with. They talked more and he would come out with us quite often, and actually had a decent personality & attitude. It wasn't until he got a girlfriend that the attitude really went down hill. They broke up and he immediately started seeing this newer girlfriend...we were hopeful his attitude would change with the new one, but no such luck. So I just have to stop expecting anything better. The better attitude is a thing of the past, and we both agreed on that.
I should note, my father in law told my husband some time last year that he thinks BIL is jealous of my husband. He started his own business, is married with a child, and owns his own home...he's happy & content with his life. We don't think BIL will ever have that...and that could be a reason for the poor attitude.
Just be careful you don't end up like someone else posting recently two different topics on feeling he/she has to house a loser brother.
Thanks guys. I've been with my husband for 14 years...I guess I just feel like enough is enough already. But I guess I just need to 'go with the flow' for my husband's sake. I felt better as soon as I made my post...sometimes I just need to get it off my chest.
Stan...he's pretty good with our daughter, but he barely sees her and makes no effort to come see her so it's not really an issue. I'm just not going to go out of my way to be nice to him anymore.
Right. OP, I feel your pain and your BIL seems like a real piece of work. Still, on the grand scheme of things (and I bet that multiple small things add up to drive you mad . . . he seems like one of those), his behavior doesn't seem to be one where it cutting him off/telling him off is warranted, especially if your DH takes some pleasure in having him around.
That's it. I'm so sick of my BIL's crap. My husband continues to put up with it but...I am so done with him. I need to get this off my chest because I can't talk to my husband about it. His brother has always been a self-centered **** and I play "nice" for my husband's sake but I just can't anymore. He's a moocher, a loser, he lived with us rent free for 3 weeks a couple of years ago, and he can't even be a decent human being to my husband.
Saturday night we celebrated my husband's 40th birthday with friends and rented out a private karaoke room. It's expensive but all of our friends indicated they would happily pitch in. My husband, as always, invited his loser brother and his loser girlfriend. A few days before they asked if they could invite a friend. Really? I thought that was rude but my husband said ok. Friday night they went out for his girlfriend's birthday....we found out through the numerous social media posts they made. Did they invite my husband? No....but they can come to his birthday party AND bring a friend? They showed up an hour and a half late. Ate the food. Rolled their eyes at our friends while they sang. Left at the end without even offering to contribute any money toward the room or food.
My FIL told my husband they probably didn't contribute because they are (once again) having money troubles....yet they invite a friend along?? It's not even about the money though...it's the audacity they had to sit there being rude and making fun of everybody. It's the fact that my husband will ALWAYS invite his brother along, but they will NEVER invite us anywhere. I tried to talk to my husband about it, but he just says "It's just him...it's how he is." Well I'm done. I can't be nice anymore!
For those of you with family or in-laws you can't stand....how do you do it? I'm so sick of watching my husband feel 'crushed' because his brother can't even bother to return a phone call. My husband is very loyal...and to a fault.
Jesus Christ.. “rent free for 3 weeks” WTF do you want? We’re not talking about an extended period of time here and he’s family. If you can’t stay with your brother for 3 weeks then that is pretty sad. I get it if he was there for 6 months or more and not contributing.
OP I think you have some unresolved issues you need help with. You’re babbling on about a karaoke room and 3 weeks of staying with you....
if they are not grateful...then you are being an enabler....
society has made so many feel "guilty" because someones life is better than another..particularly with family.....
years ago ….you make your own bed ...you lie in it...
today....why is it fair ...someone has something more than another???
well...it comes down to choices... and consequences to actions..
an old coworker was a doper...partied every weekend...… and then wondered why he was always broke....he and his woman would buy their beer cigarettes and dope before the necessities ...for their young kids...then they would try to borrow money from others in the family that were much more responsible....
one day ...the responsible brother ...gave him a piece of his mind ….to stop wasting his money......he will no longer loan him money ..
and it was only then ...that he took a second job...and stopped partying so much.....when the free gravytrain was over
if they are not grateful...then you are being an enabler....
society has made so many feel "guilty" because someones life is better than another..particularly with family.....
years ago ….you make your own bed ...you lie in it...
today....why is it fair ...someone has something more than another???
well...it comes down to choices... and consequences to actions..
an old coworker was a doper...partied every weekend...… and then wondered why he was always broke....he and his woman would buy their beer cigarettes and dope before the necessities ...for their young kids...then they would try to borrow money from others in the family that were much more responsible....
one day ...the responsible brother ...gave him a piece of his mind ….to stop wasting his money......he will no longer loan him money ..
and it was only then ...that he took a second job...and stopped partying so much.....when the free gravytrain was over
How sad for their kids. I’m glad the brother put his foot down and was able to encourage him to get himself together. I think that’s what my BIL’s ex gf was doing when she dumped him & kicked him out.
Either way, I’m over it now. Some days you just need to vent & get it off your chest. I probably won’t be seeing him again until we have lunch with my FIL for Fathers Day.
I could have written your thread! The only difference is that none of my fiance's siblings ever stayed w/ us. I really feel for you & completely understand. My fiance' has 3 horrendously narcissistic siblings AND BOTH of his parents are the same as well. He's just now recently been fed up w/ most of them (& most recently even his own mother), but before he "saw the light" about them, it was frustrating as I know you are, seeing his siblings treat him (my fiance') in a horrendous way. You can even look up some threads I started on this board about my fiance's family, in fact, read here & you'll see what I mean:
(The last thread above about dreading my own wedding is definitely no longer a concern since they won't be invited.)
Until your husband finally gets fed up w/ being treated like $#!t & puts his foot down, unfortunately, there's not much you can do & I know it's aggravating to have to watch from the sidelines!
I'm so glad my fiance's finally through w/ them!!! But he gave them way, way, way too many chances if you ask me, but I guess better later than never.
Now, UNLESS his relationship w/ his no-good brother is becoming a detriment to YOUR marriage & you give him an ultimatum, then there's not much you can do. Does he spend time w/ his brother often to where he's not spending the time he should w/ YOU or is the brother often hanging out at your house? If so, that's bad & you have the right to do something in that case.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 04-23-2019 at 07:07 PM..
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