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I might be missing context but that seems a bit extreme. I wouldn't want to work for a company where touching someones shoulder to get their attention can get you fired. I understand hugging, back shoulder rubbing, but shoulder touching? Unless they say "do not touch me on the shoulder" then continue to touch said shoulder after being told not to touch it.
That's what "zero tolerance" means. No touching, period, and you don't get a second chance. There are other ways to get someone's attention.
The assistant complained to HR.
I agree with you that it seems a little extreme, and was definitely a loss for the company as this developer was highly skilled and much admired. But everyone was made aware of the policy.
You: "I'm not into hugging at all--"
Her: "Well I am!" *hugs you*
You: "--because I was just diagnosed with tuberculosis."
Quote:
Originally Posted by LandscapeAritst
I might be missing context but that seems a bit extreme. I wouldn't want to work for a company where touching someones shoulder to get their attention can get you fired. I understand hugging, back shoulder rubbing, but shoulder touching? Unless they say "do not touch me on the shoulder" then continue to touch said shoulder after being told not to touch it.
I'm sure there was plenty more to it than just "she touched someone on the shoulder one time." There usually is.
yeah but, what if she does it to the wrong person? I'm a little concerned for her.....
Don't be concerned for her at all. That woman is trouble with a capital T - she is condescending, manipulative, imposing, intimidating, demanding, physically pushy and invasive and has no real regard or respect for you so why should you be concerned about her? She invaded your space, was physically forceful with you and took you for granted in more ways than just hugging you.
1 - She imposed herself on you the moment she approached you and told you she was going to pick your brains without introducing herself or asking for your permission to interrupt you at your work to talk to you.
2 - She slammed her computer on your desk without asking for your permission to invade your desk space with her stuff.
3 - She announced she was going to physically touch you without asking your permission.
4 - She was condescending when she announced that she IS a huggy person after you warned her you aren't a huggy person - she was letting you know she didn't care what you wanted, your wishes and priorities are not important to her and she's going to do what she wants with you whether you like it or not.
5 - She then followed through and forced physical contact upon you against your expressed wishes.
Don't be concerned about her losing her job - she knows exactly what she's doing and what her motives are - be more concerned about yourself. She's the new bully in the office who was testing you to see how far she can get with physical intimidation and making demands and pushing you around. She sounds like a real old pro at it. You failed this round terribly and she put you in your place in 'her' pecking order. You better be more effective against her on the next round of demands from her because she's just going to get worse with you if you don't stand up for yourself. Don't believe her phony pretense of being nice by being huggy, that's just a disguise she uses as a cover and excuse while being forceful and invasive with people.
As an aside - I too am immune compromised because of meds I have to take but I don't use it as an explanation for not permitting touching or hugging. Too many people are too ignorant to understand what immune compromised means and I don't want to be always explaining what it means or why, especially not to strangers, but everybody understands pain. When somebody I don't want touching or hugging me tries or actually manages to touch or hug me without my permission I very loudly demand to them "Don't touch me, it hurts!" I say it loud enough to startle them and I do not say please and I don't make it a request. That makes them back off in a real hurry and quickly look around guiltily to see who else heard me say that to them. And it's the truth that touches or hugs that I'm not prepared and braced for are painful for me, I have advanced arthritis and fibromyalgia and nerve damage throughout my upper body. Hugs or pats on the back are very painful, sometimes even the lightest of feather touches on the arm or shoulder can be extremely painful.
Don't be concerned for her at all. That woman is trouble with a capital T - she is condescending, manipulative, imposing, intimidating, demanding, physically pushy and invasive and has no real regard or respect for you so why should you be concerned about her? She invaded your space, was physically forceful with you and took you for granted in more ways than just hugging you.
1 - She imposed herself on you the moment she approached you and told you she was going to pick your brains without introducing herself or asking for your permission to interrupt you at your work to talk to you.
2 - She slammed her computer on your desk without asking for your permission to invade your desk space with her stuff.
3 - She announced she was going to physically touch you without asking your permission.
4 - She was condescending when she announced that she IS a huggy person after you warned her you aren't a huggy person - she was letting you know she didn't care what you wanted, your wishes and priorities are not important to her and she's going to do what she wants with you whether you like it or not.
5 - She then followed through and forced physical contact upon you against your expressed wishes.
Don't be concerned about her losing her job - she knows exactly what she's doing and what her motives are - be more concerned about yourself. She's the new bully in the office who was testing you to see how far she can get with physical intimidation and making demands and pushing you around. She sounds like a real old pro at it. You failed this round terribly and she put you in your place in 'her' pecking order. You better be more effective against her on the next round of demands from her because she's just going to get worse with you if you don't stand up for yourself. Don't believe her phony pretense of being nice by being huggy, that's just a disguise she uses as a cover and excuse while being forceful and invasive with people.
As an aside - I too am immune compromised because of meds I have to take but I don't use it as an explanation for not permitting touching or hugging. Too many people are too ignorant to understand what immune compromised means and I don't want to be always explaining what it means or why, especially not to strangers, but everybody understands pain. When somebody I don't want touching or hugging me tries or actually manages to touch or hug me without my permission I very loudly demand to them "Don't touch me, it hurts!" I say it loud enough to startle them and I do not say please and I don't make it a request. That makes them back off in a real hurry and quickly look around guiltily to see who else heard me say that to them. And it's the truth that touches or hugs that I'm not prepared and braced for are painful for me, I have advanced arthritis and fibromyalgia and nerve damage throughout my upper body. Hugs or pats on the back are very painful, sometimes even the lightest of feather touches on the arm or shoulder can be extremely painful.
.
I totally get what your saying, believe me, as I've been associated so much by over powering people who care little about "your" feelings or even take the time to concern themselves with the fact that just b/c they think one way about a thing, doesn't mean, that they are right and all the rest of the world is wrong.
I believe this world is loosing that concept, it's a total lack of awareness....and understanding, as to why people react the way they do.
I respond the way I do, b/c at work, people are so thoughtless and come in sick as dogs...and I'm talking, they have Pneumonia or the flu and they sit there hacking up a lung, and we are able to WORK FROM HOME?????? So, I'm constantly washing my hands, in public places, and watch closely as many a worker will walk up to the water machine, and while filling their cups, hold their cups right against the spigot,with no concern about the fact that they are spreading germs, if they're sick. And I'm sorry but I worry b/c if I get sick, it isn't an easy bout for me....it always leads into something more serious, b/c I am immune difficient....and I'm not even going to get into the many women who use the bathroom and do not wash their hands or turn on the water and dribble water over their fingers, as if their hands will melt if they really wash them. ....we live in a really pathetically unclean society..... Don't get me started on how unclean our cleaning people are, as far as cleaning offices, hospitals, etc..... Nuff said...
But, sometimes you've got to hit people with a 2 x 4 to make them say, Hey, I'm not like you, I do things differently, so please, respect my wishes, *****.... and believe me, sometimes I'd like to say that. I consider myself a lady, but people today, either have their noses in their phones, or could care less what you think or what your needs are, and take everything as a personal attack if you ask them, "Please don't do that". Wake up....there are people around you who you are offending....and I don't mean you, but you in general. Be more aware of your actions, and how it affects others....and be considerate...
yes, your right, absolutely, but what angers me more than anything, is these careless people put you in a position where you have to say something....that is sad, and pathetic....
In this day and age, there is no reason why someone should visit the rest room and not wash their hands....I don't want them touching me. Period.
but, on a positive note, I will be retiring soon....
I am not nor have I ever been a kissy face huggy type person....I must get to know you first, before showing you affection....and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Not a good trait, but it's who I am.
So, this woman comes up to me at work, not introducing herself, slamming down her computer on my desk, and saying to me, "I'm going to pick your brain".
And I'm like... ok.....
So, when she is finished asking me how to do something, (apparently she is new) and she's an older woman, she moves in and says, I'm going to give you a hug...and I put out my hand, to stop her while saying, "I'm not into hugging at all". and she says, "Well I AM and she continues to hug me.
Now, that makes me so super uncomfortable. First, I have a compromised immune system....so hugging is off the table with most folks.
Second, to me, this is a real good example of "how not to act with others". If someone says, "I'm not into hugging others". Then please respect that. Of course I didn't push her away, but, my reaction to an unwanted hug was stiff as a board....lol
Have you ever encountered this? This to me is unacceptable behavior in the work place.
Now believe me, there are people at work who I've known for a long time and I hug, but whoa, first meeting....she never even told me her name or introduced herself?
I had encountered someone like that woman. The longer I worked with this person, the more I felt so annoyed. She talked too much, about anything and everything not related to work. She attracted co-workers who were like her to come to our office, started with cheerful greetings and huggings and kissings on the cheeks, and then talked and talked and talked about everything and this and that person. They were wasting so much working time and made the work unproductive. They gossiped too much and abandoned their work.
I requested to not to work in the same office with her and was granted. I feel much better now. And she and folks like her are monitored by the management.
Good thing you are retiring any day now. It won’t be your problem anymore.
and I still go out to eat, as millions of other people do....and so many cooks visit the bathrooms without washing their hands before leaving, I've seen it...so that is a problem.
America is becoming a country where people don't seem to be concerned about bacteria in hospitals and public places....
That's what "zero tolerance" means. No touching, period, and you don't get a second chance. There are other ways to get someone's attention.
The assistant complained to HR.
I agree with you that it seems a little extreme, and was definitely a loss for the company as this developer was highly skilled and much admired. But everyone was made aware of the policy.
well, company policies, has always been that you shake hands....and considered acceptable and a pleasant hello when you meet someone. Or at least in my 24 years
Then there was a year that the flu was really bad, and they advised people not to shake hands and to cough in their shirt sleeves.
today so many people are able to work from home, there is no reason to come into work sick.
there is no reason to take your kid out when it's sick either....I'm very in-tune to this b/c of my compromised immune system. There is nothing I hate worse then sitting in a restaurant and some kid is sitting there hacking up a lung. Geeze Louise?
But, there are people who have college degrees, and yet, use the bathroom and leave with out washing their hands or sit at their desks hacking up a lung with a bad cold or flu....or hospitals that if your not sick when you go in, you might seriously catch something before you leave....??????
So my point is, in a work environment, there shouldn't be any hugging what-so-ever unless it's between women who have known each other for years....who for me, are few and far between, but I can count them on my one hand.
I also saw on the news that they are trying to do away with the hand shake....between corporate workers...
so hugging people at work for me is a no go....
Last edited by cremebrulee; 05-08-2019 at 07:32 AM..
where I work, it would get your fired. As it should. The OP clearly said No an she moved in anyway. I'm not suggesting that it was sexual abuse but you don't put yourself in someone's space and you certainly don't touch them if it's not welcome. Anyone in a professional environment who isn't aware of this and doesn't play by those rules shouldn't be in a professional environment.
I might be missing context but that seems a bit extreme. I wouldn't want to work for a company where touching someones shoulder to get their attention can get you fired. I understand hugging, back shoulder rubbing, but shoulder touching? Unless they say "do not touch me on the shoulder" then continue to touch said shoulder after being told not to touch it.
I'd bet my savings that there was way more to it than touching someone on the shoulder. Either specifically to the situation or that was the final straw.
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....we live in a really pathetically unclean society..... Don't get me started on how unclean our cleaning people are, as far as cleaning offices, hospitals, etc..... Nuff said...
