Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have old friends from high school - and even back to grammar school. We communicate on FB mostly and get together once in a while. I have dear friends from when I lived in 2 other states - and they travelled for our wedding. I also am making new friends in our new state. It isn't easy in the late 60s to make friends but I did and still am. I am fervent about animal rescue and that's where my new friends are coming from, mostly. They are mostly younger so some of the travel I want to - and can do - isn't feasible for them. But we are still friends - just not 100% attached at the hip friends. I don't expect that from friends any longer. Each person with whom I have a friendship supplies one need - and I them. Each are different in what they bring to our relationship - and hopefully I bring something to the relationship that others do not.
The point is this: no one person can - or should - be everything; each of us is unique so the thing we bring to a relationship is based on that. I have one friend who likes to cruise; another who likes to cook; one for animal rescue (actually several) and some of the friends who like to craft are also involved in rescue. I like each of my new friends for what she brings to our relationship and I suspect the same is true of what I bring to them.
So if you want a yoga friend, get involved with a yoga group; you want someone to craft with you? join a craft group; go to the library and see what's offered - or a senior center - like to cruise and need a 2nd in the stateroom? Don't drop your old friends because the connection you and they have with each other is your history. History is good but it isn't an all-inclusive friendship; people grow and change and develop other interests.
One of my old friends from grammar school through high school and I recently reconnected. Our lives are very different and that old friendship is all we had - she is into fitness - and runs marathons at 69! I walk with a limp and not very far. Our newfound friendship is not based on our old school chumminess or girl scouts - it is based on helping others and giving to the community. I wonder what else your old school friends are into that might be a common factor that no one has shared.
Last edited by NY Annie; 05-16-2019 at 01:58 PM..
Reason: Added thought
I'm not sure what you want either, OP. Are you looking for new friends who share your interests? Start a MeetUp group in your area by going to Meetup.com. You can organize any type of group activity you want - hiking, camping, social outings, yoga class, charity drives...whatever. Let the people come to you.
I live a healthy and clean lifestyle. Health is, in fact, the only thing I am truly passionate about (other than my kids). I am also a Progressive thinker and doer, lean far to the left on every topic, and am 100% convicted.
It starts with places to eat - I don't want to waste money and time on "taking more than my share" by going to a stupid restaurant. I swear to God that is all they want to do
I want our trips to involve hiking, cycling, yoga, or something where we are taking care of the planet.
I want music outings to involve what's new, who is up-and-coming, and NOT reliving the 80's over and over and over again
Just some small examples of the total and complete fundamental differences. I think each of them does have a similar feeling about one or two aspects of their lives, but all of them have an outside group of friends they do stuff with.
There was this yoga thing I really wanted to go to. I asked just for the sake of it, and of course no one interested. I asked my "yoga" friends, and no one would commit.
I wanted to do this charity walk, which not only is giving anyway, but also giving to a very specific thing that is important to me. I figured as friends, they would do it just because they know what a difficult thing I have been through and want to give to this charity, but when I asked, I heard crickets
Just a few of the many examples
Than join some groups that have activities such as hiking and bike riding.
In regards to current music, I hate to break it to you but when you get to a certain age you tend like the music you grew up with. I don't know too many 50 somethings who are attending concerts such as Nicki Minaj, Lady Ga Ga. etc. If you did you would stand out like a sore thumb.
I am an 80s child myself, and frankly prefer that music to what they have today.
You want to go to a yoga class, go. You don't need someone to hold your hand. You could end up getting friendly with someone in the class.
Your friends are who they are, you're not going to change them.
Why can't you do things on your own that interest you?
Last edited by seain dublin; 05-16-2019 at 03:52 PM..
You say all have an outside group as well. You get your own outside group.
You have a progressive side. How about looking at college courses or clubs that have courses you can choose from that would satisfy that side. You may gradually find friends among classmates.
For your more physical activities, join clubs for them as well. Cities or counties will offer very good professional courses. Community Colleges too.
As far as things like music...when you see something advertised or find it online, something you like, go to it. You could meet a person or two who is like minded.
50 is still young. I have noticed among older friends, something to look forward to, they are more aware of people alone at an event and make an effort to pal up. And if you wind up in a traditional retirement area, say Florida, people are all over that.
Another thought. Don't overlook older people because they can be better and stronger tennis player, bike longer, etc. than younger people and can be a good start to a better social circle for you.
I tried for about 2 hours to answer Parnassia on a number of items but CD would not let it go through so I finally decided it just wasn't meant to be
I guess y'all are right - I should just keep going by myself and not worry about it. There are a number of meetup groups I have (sort of) joined, but every time I receive an invitation, I am too busy to go (work 7 days a week). I have asked other yoga acquaintances to do stuff, and being non-committal or not answering, I start to feel like they don't want to be my friend so then I have fear of rejection and stop trying, and just go right back to my group.
I think what got me started is a book I am reading- after already starting to think this on my own - about being around people who feed your soul and make you a better person, etc. Maybe I'm as good as I'm gonna get- LOL
I am planning to go to a meetup tomorrow night actually. We shall see how it goes!
Thing is don't expect a new best friend right away. Just someone to ride a bike beside you, a couple of people to hike with you and talk about a tree you recognize or a rock or better shoes and be safe and watch out for each other. Here and there over time you talk a little about a few things and it grows. Occasionally something really clicks, but mostly it's a nice slow and steady experience.
Well..... your friends like what they like, and it is not uncommon to make other friends for other activities.
BUT, there is a whiff of superiority......? And they may be turning some away.
I mean, what does hiking, yoga and cycling have to do with being good for the planet? I mean as hobbies (assuming you haven't put the car away for biking every where). It's just stuff you enjoy. Cycling and yoga aren't normally great get togethers for friends who want to chat and catch up.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Having friends and being a friend are two very different things. You may think they fall short of your standards, but are you truly a friend to any of them...are you concerned with their well being and their happiness, or just your own? Are you a good friend, is what I'm asking. Maybe you're the one who falls short of their standards?
Having friends and being a friend are two very different things. You may think they fall short of your standards, but are you truly a friend to any of them...are you concerned with their well being and their happiness, or just your own? Are you a good friend, is what I'm asking. Maybe you're the one who falls short of their standards?
Something to think about
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
