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My late husband's brother lives in CA. He's over 80 now, has emphysema and COPD and years ago he called DH and asked if we could send him cigarettes because the taxes are much lower in our state. They'd pay us back.
Well, they didn't- but then DH and I were very comfortable and he and DSIL were just scraping by, due partly to quitting paying jobs too early in life. I/we continued sending them, even after DH died 3 years ago, but for the last year or so they never asked for refills. DSIL had told me in our last conversation that DBIL was in very bad shape and not likely to last too much longer. Even years ago he couldn't walk out to the mailbox at the end of the driveway without needing time to stop and catch his breath again.
So... when I got a voicemail from her I expected the worst. No, it wasn't that- DBIL had quit smoking for awhile but now he started again Could I send cigarettes?
Yeah, I will. Must be a powerful addiction.
Just needed to vent. Thanks!
No you shouldn't. Not because it's illegal, but because you're making it worse. Enabling the issue. Say nope sorry!
My late husband's brother lives in CA. He's over 80 now, has emphysema and COPD and years ago he called DH and asked if we could send him cigarettes because the taxes are much lower in our state. They'd pay us back.
Sounds like the type of person who will light up while they're on oxygen. Every year there's someone in the news who blew up their house due to this special brand of stupidity.
But honestly, OP, I don't get you. You're clucking over their request ("Some people...") and yet enabling, too, even though the enabling puts the couple at risk.
I returned SIL's call yesterday evening. Wow. Things were much worse than I thought.
DBIL is in full-blown dementia and DSIL is trying to take care of him at home. He was in a rehab facility 3 months after falling down the stairs and she wanted to keep him there but found it would cost $5,000/month. They make $150/month too much for Medi-Cal to pay his costs (military pension and SS disability so they can't "manage" their income stream). He's hit her at times, called her profane names and then doesn't remember it the next day. (Yes, I AM going to recommend the Caregiving Forum here.)
Anyway, the cigarettes- he's obsessing about wanting cigarettes and they're $17/pack in CA. And yes, she's aware that she'll have to watch him like a hawk when he lights up. The wildfires in CA last year stopped only a couple of miles from their house and they had to move in with family in San Francisco for months, so she knows about fire.
You never know what some people are dealing with till you talk to them. DSIL is 66, my age, and DBIL is 84. She's a trained RN and thinks maybe she should go back to work after he dies but she has multiple health issues. I almost feel guilty because my life is a walk in the park right now.
I returned SIL's call yesterday evening. Wow. Things were much worse than I thought.
DBIL is in full-blown dementia and DSIL is trying to take care of him at home. He was in a rehab facility 3 months after falling down the stairs and she wanted to keep him there but found it would cost $5,000/month. They make $150/month too much for Medi-Cal to pay his costs (military pension and SS disability so they can't "manage" their income stream). He's hit her at times, called her profane names and then doesn't remember it the next day. (Yes, I AM going to recommend the Caregiving Forum here.)
Anyway, the cigarettes- he's obsessing about wanting cigarettes and they're $17/pack in CA. And yes, she's aware that she'll have to watch him like a hawk when he lights up. The wildfires in CA last year stopped only a couple of miles from their house and they had to move in with family in San Francisco for months, so she knows about fire.
You never know what some people are dealing with till you talk to them. DSIL is 66, my age, and DBIL is 84. She's a trained RN and thinks maybe she should go back to work after he dies but she has multiple health issues. I almost feel guilty because my life is a walk in the park right now.
Okay ...
At any rate, I hope you're not still shipping cigs to them.
It says CA is $5.53 per pack. I'd assume it's also off by at least a dollar or so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53
I returned SIL's call yesterday evening. Wow. Things were much worse than I thought.
DBIL is in full-blown dementia and DSIL is trying to take care of him at home. He was in a rehab facility 3 months after falling down the stairs and she wanted to keep him there but found it would cost $5,000/month. They make $150/month too much for Medi-Cal to pay his costs (military pension and SS disability so they can't "manage" their income stream). He's hit her at times, called her profane names and then doesn't remember it the next day. (Yes, I AM going to recommend the Caregiving Forum here.)
Anyway, the cigarettes- he's obsessing about wanting cigarettes and they're $17/pack in CA. And yes, she's aware that she'll have to watch him like a hawk when he lights up. The wildfires in CA last year stopped only a couple of miles from their house and they had to move in with family in San Francisco for months, so she knows about fire.
You never know what some people are dealing with till you talk to them. DSIL is 66, my age, and DBIL is 84. She's a trained RN and thinks maybe she should go back to work after he dies but she has multiple health issues. I almost feel guilty because my life is a walk in the park right now.
Did you read the link posted that mailing cigarettes is illegal?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia
Here is info from the horse's mouth. Be careful OP.
A bit off-topic, but Athena is BIL a veteran of either Korea or Viet Nam (since you mentioned military pension)? He could be eligible for VA A&A which might give them another $1000 or so towards the cost of a care home. SIL should also look into a VA hospital possibly. At this point you just need to stop sending the cigarettes, the damage is done, but he needs to quit before he kills himself, and possibly SIL too if he's on oxygen. I know it's hard to deny them the help, but you can say that you just found out it's illegal.
Or buy a compact rolling device and a list of tobacco shops. They can roll their own for far cheaper.
I worked medical and at this end stage that nicotine fix isn't going to change the outcome . If they stop entirely.
I cared for (25 yrs ago) a full blown alcoholic with liver damage. The person actually had a doctor's order to have 2 ounces of wine every few hours. The doc understood the reality. The person had passed the point of no return.
I personally do not "aide" though a person's addiction. I do though understand from the docs p.o.v. how pointless it is to put a bandaid on a slashed limb. Too little too late.
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And yes, she's aware that she'll have to watch him like a hawk when he lights up. The wildfires in CA last year stopped only a couple of miles from their house and they had to move in with family in San Francisco for months, so she knows about fire.
