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Okay? And? My point was that $150 is the median with $317 the average, so yes there would be more expense, just that it's not crazy out-of-line with a typical bachelorette party.
But...none of that really matters for OP. It doesn't matter if it's $150, $300, $500, or $20 if she can't afford it. The point is the time and way to deal with that was with a conversation with the bride when bride initially asked OP to be a bridesmaid.
And, no OP, bachelorette parties are not supposed to be optional. If you choose to be in someone's bridal party these are your minimum commitments: bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, pre-wedding get-ready, wedding, wedding reception. If you do not have the TIME or the MONEY to devote to that commitment then you congratulate the bride, thank her for her consideration, and politely decline.
this is NOT the bachelorette party - this is a party another bachelorette decided to throw together. nothing to do with the bachelorette party other than the bride and bridesmaids are expected (by the planner) to attend.
There is nothing wrong or rude to tell the bride that you can't afford all this. As was suggested several posts before, tell the bride you are happy to be a participant in the wedding ceremony, but you can't afford to participate in the pre-wedding hoopla. You will wish her well and will celebrate the nuptials as part of the congregation.
You just missed the part that the OP said that she really wanted to go- hence the suggested- not ideal, but sometimes if one wants something bad enough- they find the ways to make it happened.
I've decided I am not going to go. Will end up easily spending $200 or more and thinking about it, that money is precious to me. I could buy a few items for my home. That's way more valuable to me than a party bus and a day hanging out with girls that aren't that nice to me. They just want me to pay to lessen the cost for themselves. They'll ignore me the whole time.
Very happy for you- a mature decision. Enjoy your money the way you want it
this is NOT the bachelorette party - this is a party another bachelorette decided to throw together. nothing to do with the bachelorette party other than the bride and bridesmaids are expected (by the planner) to attend.
No. Read again. This is the bachelorette party. Just because one of the other bridesmaids took it upon herself to railroad what the plans were going to be doesn't make it not the bachelorette party.
I disagree. Most normal people (I would hope) would be ok with her bowing out of a drunken bar-hopping bus excursion if that is not her thing.
Bachelorette parties are a relatively new thing, a female version of Bachelor parties that were once somewhat frowned upon and not considered an official wedding event. Rightfully so, as they are in somewhat bad taste and sort of an "anti-wedding".
I hosted one and did not charge anyone. All the groom's friends were invited, not just the wedding party.
It was a casual, optional event and attendance was not taken. All the better for maximum deniability.
"Well, back in my day...."
Doesn't particularly matter how "new" they are, most brides have one these days.
Also, OP didn't say she didn't want to go because a "drunken bar-hopping bus excursion is not her thing." She said she didn't want to go because she couldn't afford it. Lot of judgmental Nancy's on this thread. Heaven forbid some girls go out and have a good time--safely, I might add.
this is NOT the bachelorette party - this is a party another bachelorette decided to throw together. nothing to do with the bachelorette party other than the bride and bridesmaids are expected (by the planner) to attend.
Yes, the OP described it as “one girl decided to…†and that’s the problem. One person shouldn’t decide on a plan without input from others, let alone one that is going to cost hundreds of dollars per person.
In certain cases, the costs associated with being a bridesmaid or groomsmen took a toll on their friendships: 34% of survey-takers confirmed that they resented the amount of money they were required to spend and 21% admitted this caused conflicts within the bridal party. Therefore, it's not surprising that 54% said they'd have to consider the costs before being a bridesmaid or groomsman ever again and 15% regretted ever having said "I do" to the duty in the first place.
I couldn’t imagine being so self-absorbed as to jeopardize my friendships with unrealistic demands and expectations.
Doesn't particularly matter how "new" they are, most brides have one these days.
Also, OP didn't say she didn't want to go because a "drunken bar-hopping bus excursion is not her thing." She said she didn't want to go because she couldn't afford it. Lot of judgmental Nancy's on this thread. Heaven forbid some girls go out and have a good time--safely, I might add.
She did say she doesn't drink much.
Some girls might enjoy a night of "woo-hooing" in skimpy dresses downing jello shots and generally making fools of themselves and others might just go along due to peer pressure and/or spinelessness.
To each their own. I am not judging the person, just the behavior.
Even "back in the day" there were people who wanted over the top weddings that nobody really enjoyed (including themselves).
And even today there are many rational people who have weddings that do not demand a ridiculous level of participation.
It sounds like you are the judgmental one ... a Bridezilla perhaps?
Some girls might enjoy a night of "woo-hooing" in skimpy dresses downing jello shots and generally making fools of themselves and others might just go along due to peer pressure and/or spinelessness.
To each their own. I am not judging the person, just the behavior.
Even "back in the day" there were people who wanted over the top weddings that nobody really enjoyed (including themselves).
And even today there are many rational people who have weddings that do not demand a ridiculous level of participation.
It sounds like you are the judgmental one ... a Bridezilla perhaps?
I mean, I'm a dude, so...no.
And you're right, I do judge people who don't live up to commitments that they make.
Regarding commitments and the duties of a bridesmaid:
I've been a bridesmaid on several occasions. With every bride, I've been pretty upfront that if they want me to be a part of the big day, I cannot take time off work and spend the extra money to do any of the auxiliary events, i.e. events other than the shower, the rehearsal, and the wedding day itself. No trips to Vegas, local ski resorts, or any of the other social-media worthy crap that's now seems to be de rigueur for a certain segment of brides/bridesmaids. At best, I might try to make a late appearance if the event is a local one.
For the three wedding events and I can and will participate in, I've been an active participant and have hosted showers on several occasions. Besides, the less that I spend on bachelorette nonsense is that much more that I can put in a check for the bride and groom as part of their wedding gift. (I'm frugal in most ways so that I can be generous in others when I so choose.)
It's never been an issue because there's been upfront communication with the bride and other bridesmaids from the very beginning about this and because pretty much anyone who knows me knows better than to try and steamroll or guilt me into doing anything, let alone something like the O.P. describes.
Pull out from the wedding and stop talking to these people
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