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I’m not trying to be rude at all because this situation sounds very frustrating for sure.
However, can you:
Sell something or a few smaller items that you don’t need, like on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace?
Return an item or items you’ve recently bought?
Sign up for DoorDash or the like, and take that on as a second temporary job just until you make $150?
Donate plasma?
Participate in a marketing-related focus group exercise?
Answer a ‘help wanted’ ad for some type of odd job, ideally at a business or some other professional or semi-professional environment (might be kind of creepy to go to someone’s house alone to help them clean, etc)?
I understand it sucks especially considering you didn’t really want to do this activity anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veritas Vincit
I had to laugh. Selling plasma so you can ride a party bus. This country is going to the dogs.
I agree. Plasma-selling. That's going pretty far just for this situation.
I have never been at a bachelors party or been a bridesmaid. But by everything I hear and see, I thought $150 did not sound that bad and if you decide to be a bridesmaid, you can expect to have some serious expenses.
Maybe everyone else is actually high income? Anyway - I still think she should just say SORRY, CANNOT AFFORD IT. Not this month and not next month and not in this life.
Up until fairly recently, in most circles, being asked to be a bridesmaid in someone's wedding didn't entail all of this nonsense. You were expected to help to throw a bridal shower, purchase and wear a dress of the bride's choosing (and find shoes to go with it), and be present to assist the bride on big, happy day. In return, the bride would generally give her bridesmaids jewelry to wear on her wedding day (usually earrings and a necklace of some sort) and, if the wedding party was having their hair done, pay for the trip to the salon the morning of the wedding. That's it. It was expensive if you were a bridesmaid multiple times over a few years, but not anything like what is now expected by some brides (and in this case, a bridesmaid).
All of this extraneous stuff is relatively new in the grand scheme of things. Along with over-the-top proposals (the better to show off on social media), people who think that it's acceptable to take out a loan for their wedding, reception, and honeymoon, and destination bachelor/ette parties and weddings to which they expect people to spend both their vacation time and their money, it's hard to tell where the wedding itself is in the midst of all of that expensive noise.
My advice still stands. It neatly covers all of the necessary bases without breaking the bank and still allowing the O.P. to be somewhat present at the proceedings. If that's not good enough for her fellow bridesmaids, so be it. Unless the O.P.'s family and friends are those who hold onto grudges over minutia such as this, no one will care about this a year from now.
I'm very frustrated. I'm in a wedding as a bridesmaid. They decided to do a Bachelorette trip right near my house. They rented a place for us to stay. They were pressuring me to stay there, but I put my foot down because it was expensive. I'm staying at my house.
Now today, while I was working, one girl decides to rent a day long party bus to take us to a bunch of bars. Sent all messages during my work time that I didn't see until later.
This just includes the bus. No snacks, food, drinks, included. She then throws at us the price tag and says she needs the money by the end of this week. It's $150
I don't have that kind of money and she's sending requests for it right away.
I message her that I may not take the bus because I live nearby. She insists I take it because it's a surprise experience for the bride and no one should be drinking and driving.
I didn't plan to drink a lot at all.
I tell her that I honestly don't have the money and I live on a single fixed income and it's really tough for me to get that together.
She says she understands and she'll let me pay her the day of in a month.
I honestly don't appreciate feeling pressured or told I have to pay and what to do. I'm upset and I even told the girl I was embarrassed. I was so so embarrassed.
I'm upset. I can't afford it. I just can't. I am upset because I'd like to go and have fun and enjoy it.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to let the bride down. She's a family member. I'm super upset and my family keeps scolding me for telling her I couldn't afford it. I was just trying to be honest.
I am trying to come up with the money in a month's time so I can go, but part of me doesn't appreciate being told I have to pay up. I almost don't want to go.
What do I do?
What you do is say no, you will not be able to attend the party bus trip....the bride would likely feel awful if she knew you felt pressured (bullied) into going to an event you don't really have the money for. Time to stand up for yourself.
I’m not trying to be rude at all because this situation sounds very frustrating for sure.
However, can you:
Sell something or a few smaller items that you don’t need, like on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace?
Return an item or items you’ve recently bought?
Sign up for DoorDash or the like, and take that on as a second temporary job just until you make $150?
Donate plasma?
Participate in a marketing-related focus group exercise?
Answer a ‘help wanted’ ad for some type of odd job, ideally at a business or some other professional or semi-professional environment (might be kind of creepy to go to someone’s house alone to help them clean, etc)?
I understand it sucks especially considering you didn’t really want to do this activity anyway.
What????????????????? NO. Just no.
Donate plasma??? hahah....maybe you meant this to be funny??
I’m not trying to be rude at all because this situation sounds very frustrating for sure.
However, can you:
Sell something or a few smaller items that you don’t need, like on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace?
Return an item or items you’ve recently bought?
Sign up for DoorDash or the like, and take that on as a second temporary job just until you make $150?
Donate plasma?
Participate in a marketing-related focus group exercise?
Answer a ‘help wanted’ ad for some type of odd job, ideally at a business or some other professional or semi-professional environment (might be kind of creepy to go to someone’s house alone to help them clean, etc)?
I understand it sucks especially considering you didn’t really want to do this activity anyway.
No, no, 1000 times no! No one should have to sell things or get a second job to save money for a function they have no interest in attending, especially because of the cost.
No one should get in the habit of sacrificing their time and money to appease others, and it starts right now with her saying, "Thanks for inviting me to participate, but I simply can't afford it."
I have read numerous threads about bachelorette and bachelor celebrations. Things such as weeklong parties, in destination cities (such as Las Vegas), where each person needs to pay for travel expenses, hotel, food, alcohol and entrance fees, as well as possibly losing pay and/or vacation time because these celebrations take place on work days, or extended weekends
In this situation, IMHO, it is ridiculous to expect everyone to pay for an expensive hotel room, and a party bus ($150 each!) plus food and drinks in your own hometown.
Wannabe princesses demanding Ritz Carlton treatment but behaving like trailer trash. An overindulgence of money, time, resources, not to mention brain cells. But, thinking back to the episodes of Bridezillas I couldn't resist watching (stupid human tricks...just can't turn away) they didn't have that many to lose in the first place.
Last edited by Parnassia; 09-22-2021 at 01:42 AM..
Personally, getting stuck on a party bus and going bar hopping sounds like my idea of hell. I don't drink, and I don't enjoy being around people who are in the process of drinking. I would not do this at all, regardless of the cost. In fact, if I were forced to choose, I'd rather flush the $150 down the toilet, one dollar at a time, then suffer though this.
If this is how you feel too, then forget about the cost; just say "No thank you, I'm not interested." If you don't mind doing a little drinking, but not too much, do as another poster suggested and simply meet up with the rest of the party at one of their stops. I'd make it their first stop, though, not their last one. That way, they're not too drunk (and maybe obnoxious) yet. Plus, if they fall behind schedule, you could be waiting at their last stop all by yourself, for who-knows how long. Join them at their first stop, then when the party bus calls "all aboard," say your farewells, get into your car, and drive home.
I've never understood this business of planning a party, and expecting the attendees to pay for it.
By the time you pay for the bus, drinks, tips, and an appetizer or two, this tab for this evening could easily run upwards of $300.
That's on top of the dress.
No reason to put this party on payment plan, just send your regrets, unable to attend.
Then call the bride and explain that you would love to be her bridesmaid, but you will not be attending any of the bachelorette events. If that's a big deal to her, you would happily just be a member of the audience celebrating her nuptials.
Being a bridesmaid is expensive and if you can't afford the added expenses for extra random activities then say so and stand firm with that answer. It won't be the end of the world if you don't go drinking with the bridal party on a bus.
Say NO and mean it and if your family is pressuring you because they're embarassed, tell them to give you the $150 or stay out of it.
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