Supporting a friend who's daughter keeps leaving her long-term boyfriend

[Scorpio60]

Originally Posted by ContraPagan

Or if the bf resorts to more drastic abusive tactics than just fighting (assuming the fights at this point are only verbal in nature).

Women need to wise up and cut the guy off the very 1st time something happens. Guys swear up and down they didn't mean it and they'll change, but that rarely, if ever, happens. Even stupider is making multiple children.

The daughter got involved with her bf when she was 14 years old and they had their 1st child when she was 15. She's still very young but growing wiser with age so hopefully she means it this time as far as leaving him which is not my problem anyway. I would know if the bf was physically abusing her. Daughter knows he's not going to change. I agree that they shouldn't have had children especially so young.

There is also another side to this story where the daughter lies to bf, doesn't communicate with him and the list goes on. There are 2 sides to this story if I'm going to be fair. That said it still doesn't warrant bf saying mean words to her.

[hothulamaui]

Originally Posted by Scorpio60

The thing is my friend never asked me my advice or opinion. She just wanted to vent so I listened and said I wish the best for all involved. If and I repeat "if" she asked me what I thought then I would have been honest with her but she didn't.

Continue to follow this. Your friend needs support only. Just like mom’s advice to her daughter, your advice won’t go over well or be the game changer the situation needs. The daughter isn’t going to take anyone’s advice much. The daughter needs to get her life together herself she is the only one you can. Be the sympathetic friend you’ve always been.

Originally Posted by Scorpio60

The daughter got involved with her bf when she was 14 years old and they had their 1st child when she was 15. She's still very young but growing wiser with age so hopefully she means it this time as far as leaving him which is not my problem anyway. I would know if the bf was physically abusing her. Daughter knows he's not going to change. I agree that they shouldn't have had children especially so young.

There is also another side to this story where the daughter lies to bf, doesn't communicate with him and the list goes on. There are 2 sides to this story if I'm going to be fair. That said it still doesn't warrant bf saying mean words to her.

You don’t need to know daughters side. It’s a bit gossipy, In court it’s hearsay. Try not to soak up or worry overly much. You really are pretty helpless to do much. You are an outsider. If your friend insists on you being more involved, just support her by having compassion for the terrible mess her daughter and family are in.

[NDak15]

Originally Posted by Scorpio60

Hi all,

My friend told me that her daughter is planning on leaving her live-in (long-term) boyfriend who is the father of their 4 kids for the 3rd time (using Section 8).

The first 2 times she went back to him within a year. My friend told me she is definitely serious this time but based on daughter's previous history of going back to him I think this is a bad move especially for the 4 kids (eldest is 14 years old). This would mean the kids will probably have to change schools again.

I want to be supportive of my friend but I can't be honest because she may get offended. Basically I just want the best for everyone.

The reason daughter states she is leaving again is because boyfriend is verbally abusive. They fight a lot. I'm not there so I don't know both sides of this story. I asked my friend if boyfriend was always abusive and she said yes. I suggested that my friend tell her daughter whenever boyfriend starts with her to just walk out or just say "you're right" over and over again. It takes 2 people to fight and 1 person can't fight with themselves.

What do you think? Thanks!

Her daughter sounds like a real winner as does her boyfriend. Generally people don't get that way on their own. I'd just stay out of it.

[himain]

What you need to do is tell your friend to tell her daughter to stop having kids she can't afford.

[CEN2RION]

If you have been staying out of it I would continue to do so. I think perhaps you have your own issues and don't need to deal with other people's baggage. Best thing to do is listen and offer support to your friend, not give advice.