Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a friend, (lets call her, Alice) who dumped her friend (Trudy) because Trudy is dating a man that Alice does not like.
When Alice told me what happened - of how she dumped her childhood friend because of the boyfriend, I told her that I disagree with her actions. For one, Alice does not live in this country, so to me I couldn't understand what the big deal was. She didn't have to play dramatics and tell Trudy that she is getting dumped as a friend because of the boyfriend. Alice basically blocked Trudy everywhere so that Trudy will no longer reach out to her. Second, the argument was about the boyfriend taking offense because he thought Alice was making fun of what he does for a living.
At the time Alice was telling me this story, I was playing an online game on PlayStation, when someone from that network suddenly messaged me and the message popped up on the screen. Well, lo and behold, Alice told me that she will unfriend me from the PlayStation network if I continue to talk to that person who messaged me, because the guy who messaged me and her got into a heated argument around a year ago. I told Alice that she was being unreasonable, but she insisted that it's not about control, but about her removing herself from negative people.
I could be wrong, but I feel it's a form of control. She says it's not, that she's just looking out for herself and that she wants to extract herself from negativity. Another point is that believe it or not, she's kind of popular with a network of friends, so in my opinion, I think she feels like she could dump whomever friend because she has so many of them.
What do you think? I'm I wrong in thinking that this person's actions are about controlling others, or about controlling her own environment?
I have just been dramatized. Sorry, I couldn't get past the first paragraph.
How do you guys respond to, “I just want to remove myself from people who bring negativity into my life- it’s not about control.” What is wrong with this statement? I guess I don’t know how to pinpoint a logical response. People should be able to do whatever they want but at the same time, why does it feel like it’s controlling?
Here's how I would respond, in a calm and rational voice: "I'm sorry you feel that way about me, Alice. Take care and I wish you well." And then wash your hands of her.
Alice is being petty about nothing. She wants to be in a group of people where every single person has to get along with each other. Maybe she's just trying to create a manipulative excuse because she doesn't like you for some stupid reason. She needs to hang out with the Mad Hatter- forever!
I have a friend, (lets call her, Alice) who dumped her friend (Trudy) because Trudy is dating a man that Alice does not like.
When Alice told me what happened - of how she dumped her childhood friend because of the boyfriend, I told her that I disagree with her actions. For one, Alice does not live in this country, so to me I couldn't understand what the big deal was. She didn't have to play dramatics and tell Trudy that she is getting dumped as a friend because of the boyfriend. Alice basically blocked Trudy everywhere so that Trudy will no longer reach out to her. Second, the argument was about the boyfriend taking offense because he thought Alice was making fun of what he does for a living.
At the time Alice was telling me this story, I was playing an online game on PlayStation, when someone from that network suddenly messaged me and the message popped up on the screen. Well, lo and behold, Alice told me that she will unfriend me from the PlayStation network if I continue to talk to that person who messaged me, because the guy who messaged me and her got into a heated argument around a year ago. I told Alice that she was being unreasonable, but she insisted that it's not about control, but about her removing herself from negative people.
I could be wrong, but I feel it's a form of control. She says it's not, that she's just looking out for herself and that she wants to extract herself from negativity. Another point is that believe it or not, she's kind of popular with a network of friends, so in my opinion, I think she feels like she could dump whomever friend because she has so many of them.
What do you think? I'm I wrong in thinking that this person's actions are about controlling others, or about controlling her own environment?
It sounds like you're dealing with spoiled entitled children. If that's who you choose to hang out with, this is what you get.
I have a friend, (lets call her, Alice) who dumped her friend (Trudy) because Trudy is dating a man that Alice does not like.
When Alice told me what happened - of how she dumped her childhood friend because of the boyfriend, I told her that I disagree with her actions. For one, Alice does not live in this country, so to me I couldn't understand what the big deal was. She didn't have to play dramatics and tell Trudy that she is getting dumped as a friend because of the boyfriend. Alice basically blocked Trudy everywhere so that Trudy will no longer reach out to her. Second, the argument was about the boyfriend taking offense because he thought Alice was making fun of what he does for a living.
At the time Alice was telling me this story, I was playing an online game on PlayStation, when someone from that network suddenly messaged me and the message popped up on the screen. Well, lo and behold, Alice told me that she will unfriend me from the PlayStation network if I continue to talk to that person who messaged me, because the guy who messaged me and her got into a heated argument around a year ago. I told Alice that she was being unreasonable, but she insisted that it's not about control, but about her removing herself from negative people.
I could be wrong, but I feel it's a form of control. She says it's not, that she's just looking out for herself and that she wants to extract herself from negativity. Another point is that believe it or not, she's kind of popular with a network of friends, so in my opinion, I think she feels like she could dump whomever friend because she has so many of them.
What do you think? I'm I wrong in thinking that this person's actions are about controlling others, or about controlling her own environment?
What I bolded above seems to be a trending topic in social media.
Really what it seems to be advocating is for people to create social "echo chambers" where everyone they know agree with them.
Someone earlier in the thread made a point about if one is friends with two people, and the two people are 'enemies' the worry would be that the mutual friend would be confiding secrets to the enemy.
It makes sense in a weird way, though I've never had any kind of friend tangle like that. Except, you know maybe in junior high. But people do act like this as adults, as we've all seen countless times in this forum
I have had a few friends in my lifetime who expected me to be a foot soldier in the conflicts they had with other people. They seemed to have a need to see the person they had beef with, get shunned utterly from a whole big social group. It always looked like a crazy attempt to flex like they had so much power over other people, you had better not cross them because they'd turn everyone against you... I hate it. I won't do it. It doesn't even matter if I already dislike the person they want me to turn against, I don't want to participate in this kind of thing. I just won't do it.
It isn't about them, or my friendship with them, or my relationship with the other person. It's about me being true to myself and the person that I want to be. I am not going to let someone who claims to be my friend, turn me into someone that I am not, and that I don't care to be. I'll sooner leave a whole social group behind, myself.
These types will often say that if you're their true friend, you'll choose them over someone else.
I say that if they were my true friend, they would not put a conflict with someone else, over our friendship. Anyone who asks me to choose between them and somebody else probably isn't the one I'm going to choose.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
