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Old 12-03-2008, 03:43 PM
 
83 posts, read 660,727 times
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Hello , I have a young daughter who had surgery for a broken ankle. As a father I was hoping my side of the family would at least call to see if everything went OK with the surgery.I might be too sensitive about this but it hurts. I have a Mom who did not call and three sisters who did not call. I always wind up calling them to have a conversation but I thought my daughters Grandmother would at least call to see how my daughter was feeling. Does anyone else have issues similar to this? What should I do going forward ? I love my wife more than the world but I prefer to here what an outsider thinks. Thank you for any help you can give me.
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Old 12-03-2008, 03:48 PM
 
Location: In a chartreuse microbus
3,853 posts, read 5,286,251 times
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I had family that didn't call me to let me know that another family member close to my age had died suddenly from a heart attack. I found out from a stranger. Then, this woman's daughter was killed in a dirt bike accident six months later. I heard it on the radio's obituary report at work one day. But, they had the nerve to call me about a month later and ask if my hubby could get them into a members only dance at a club. And they wonder why I don't call anymore.......
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Old 12-03-2008, 04:34 PM
 
1,961 posts, read 3,746,962 times
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How old is your daughter? Maybe people were thinking that since it was not serious (i.e. not life or death), they did not think to call?

Maybe they are sending cards?
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Old 12-03-2008, 04:36 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,678,599 times
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First of all, how is your daughter? Is she ok?

Second, if I were you, I would call your mother and say "Hey Mom, I just wanted to let you know how so and so is doing...could you please let my sisters know she is doing well??"

Leave it at that. If you do this, you have not been nasty, you have not witheld information and they can never say a word about you not calling to let them know the status...
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Old 12-03-2008, 05:24 PM
 
83 posts, read 660,727 times
Reputation: 232
Default Thank you for your help!

Thank you for your help and suggestions. I appreciate everyones help.
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Old 12-03-2008, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Texas
111 posts, read 250,763 times
Reputation: 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by bradshaw View Post
Hello , I have a young daughter who had surgery for a broken ankle. As a father I was hoping my side of the family would at least call to see if everything went OK with the surgery.I might be too sensitive about this but it hurts. I have a Mom who did not call and three sisters who did not call. I always wind up calling them to have a conversation but I thought my daughters Grandmother would at least call to see how my daughter was feeling. Does anyone else have issues similar to this? What should I do going forward ? I love my wife more than the world but I prefer to here what an outsider thinks. Thank you for any help you can give me.
Yes, I have had this issue and your parents should have called including your sisters. The bottom line is, you shouldnt call them. Let them come to the realization (if they do) that YOU havent called to tell them how it went and see if they call you. That would be interesting to see if they actually do indeed call. My husband had what we thought was a stroke. My boss called, his boss called, my friends called, his friends called...family call? nope. It appears that you may have one of those families that simply is inconsiderate and will either not take the time to pick up the phone to demonstrate they care or......they dont care. Hope your daughter is doing well.
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Old 12-03-2008, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Texas
111 posts, read 250,763 times
Reputation: 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by sirron View Post
I had family that didn't call me to let me know that another family member close to my age had died suddenly from a heart attack. I found out from a stranger. Then, this woman's daughter was killed in a dirt bike accident six months later. I heard it on the radio's obituary report at work one day. But, they had the nerve to call me about a month later and ask if my hubby could get them into a members only dance at a club. And they wonder why I don't call anymore.......
Your post made me laugh....but not in a funny way. Cheez....Im right there with ya. My brother had a car accident once and no one called. I had to hear it from MY BOSS who knew him. The emberassing thing? she thought I knew already....didnt I look like the *ss.
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Old 12-03-2008, 05:44 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,294,482 times
Reputation: 39844
Quote:
Originally Posted by bradshaw View Post
Hello , I have a young daughter who had surgery for a broken ankle. As a father I was hoping my side of the family would at least call to see if everything went OK with the surgery.I might be too sensitive about this but it hurts. I have a Mom who did not call and three sisters who did not call. I always wind up calling them to have a conversation but I thought my daughters Grandmother would at least call to see how my daughter was feeling. Does anyone else have issues similar to this? What should I do going forward ? I love my wife more than the world but I prefer to here what an outsider thinks. Thank you for any help you can give me.
If your mom has normally been a pretty involved Mom, then you need to call her away and say, "Mom, I am feeling hurt that when Ashely had her surgery you never called to see how it went or to offer any emotional support." That at least gets a conversation started instead of just letting you stew in your resentment and hurt feelings. This is called COMMUNICATION, and adults are supposed to do it Maybe she has some explanation you haven't thought of yet.

IF, however, this is nothing new and your mom has never been overly solicitous then she is not doing anything new and you shouldn't be surprised or expect anything different.
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Old 12-03-2008, 05:54 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,099 posts, read 34,524,599 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by easternerDC View Post
How old is your daughter? Maybe people were thinking that since it was not serious (i.e. not life or death), they did not think to call?

Maybe they are sending cards?
That's what I was thinking too. I know that my family and my boyfriend's family are pretty relaxed about non life threatening medical issues. They don't like to be smothering, and respect a situation where possibly to call might be interrupting whatever is going on.

I still remember almost 20 years ago when there was a decent sized earthquake event in Northern California. My little sister and I were in MA, so immediately after hearing about the quake, we picked up the phone to CA. It was so funny, my dad answered and right away told us to hang up to clear the phone lines for more important calls. My sister, BIL and I still laugh about it. We will never bother my parents with a frivolous phone call again.
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Old 12-03-2008, 06:03 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,004,073 times
Reputation: 22370
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
If your mom has normally been a pretty involved Mom, then you need to call her away and say, "Mom, I am feeling hurt that when Ashely had her surgery you never called to see how it went or to offer any emotional support." That at least gets a conversation started instead of just letting you stew in your resentment and hurt feelings. This is called COMMUNICATION, and adults are supposed to do it Maybe she has some explanation you haven't thought of yet.

IF, however, this is nothing new and your mom has never been overly solicitous then she is not doing anything new and you shouldn't be surprised or expect anything different.
This is good advice.

My mother's side of the family is huge and there is always a lot of drama going on w/ them. Their children (my cousins and I) have felt such a burden b/c of the expectations of everyone making a HUGE deal out of health issues that we all tend to downplay things. Please understand - the youngest amongst us cousins is 53 - so we have been dealing with this for a very long time.

Hence, we do NOT start the telephone calls, and in my immediate family, we do NOT tell anyone other than friends and coworkers when we are having tests, been rushed to the ER, are having surgery, etc. We just do not want the phone calls and everyone being overly dramatic, visitors, etc.

Consequently, it could be that there are family members (but definitely not my cousins) who may feel we all ignore them and their various crises - and I had an Aunt get miffed b/c we did not tell her when her sister (my mother) had surgery.

So there may be a lot more going on here than meets the eye. It could be that your mother never even told your sisters b/c she felt if you wanted them to know, you would have told them directly (We have that rule in our family - "Tell your own news and don't tell someone else's news!!!") Or it could be your mother didn't want to "be in the way" or make phone calls at inopportune times. Of course, that may not be it at all! But just be aware - people may do things that we don't understand and we then assign a "reason" for it . . . when we are not even close to the "real reason."

So that is why I think that Loves' advice was on target - a conversation is where this all needs to start. Maybe your mom doesn't realize you want emotional support - maybe she thought this was something that you and your wife wished to handle in your own tight circle, and that it would be interruptive for others to be involved - and when you wanted her (or anyone else involved) you would let them know.
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