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Basically, I've been friends with this girl for a little over a year, we had a close friendship. Talked everyday, we both went through a lot of stuff. (Relationships with others, problems with family and other friends) but we stayed by our sides no matter what. However as time passed she began developing a more meaner side, (possibly due to the fact she was dumped by her first bf, or she always had this).
She began saying mean things no matter what I did, always demeaning me, basically when I look back, I was stupid for being her friend. She would go from being her nice cheerful self to a ***** mode where she would say mean things to me.
I was always there for her, once, she almost got pregnant (****ed a pool boy) and I helped her basically through her pregnancy scare. I was with her through two of her toughest break ups, and it hurts because she got mad because I joked around with her. She called me obsessed, which is not true, before he current boyfriend came into her life, she used to text me everyday, and got mad when I didn't text her back.
It's tough, but I blame myself mostly for trying to be her friend when she treated me like garbage. She even treated other people better than me, and every time she got her heartbroken by a guy, I was there for her.
There's tons of other things as well too, like how she always gave problems to girls I date ( I'm currently about to get into a relationship with a wonderful woman who's everything I wanted, how she always would say mean things to girls I like,etc).
Basically, I'm still upset, cause this happens often with women, what should I do? I'm slowly moving on, but it upsets me still to a point.
One thing I've learned is to take friendships slower. Some friends are really more activity friends. We like the same books, so we can go to book club together, but maybe not talk about intimate details of our lives.
I've learned to disclose slowly and see how the person treats more minor confidences. Watch the person's behavior with other friends.
My last friend "break up" was this summer and it was the first one in about 2 decades. I'm in my 40s and most of the time, when a friendship ends, it's because we've outgrown each other and there's the contact fade. The friend had told me a number of stories about big, dramatic showdowns with friends, acquaintances and former co-workers. Which I should have paid more attention to.
She also read pretty much every single thing I ever wrote on Facebook. I mean, I know it's out there for the people on my friends' list to read, but unless one has under say a dozen friends, how does anyone even have time to read every status? She'd even read comments I'd make on other people's walls who weren't mutual friends (if their settings permitted their statuses to be viewed by non-friends) and talk to me about them. I think the blow up started after she read a reply I made to a comment someone made on one of my statuses. Which wasn't even about her or intended for her.
She had a legitimate complaint about my behavior, but went about it in a really bad way. And it just spiraled out of control, even when I suggested meeting in person or discussing it by phone to decrease the tension (our friendship was mostly face to face/phone).
As for other people, she'd get annoyed when they didn't take her advice about what they should & shouldn't post on Facebook. Looking back on what I could have done better in the situation, I realized, I trusted/confided in her far too soon. She had a lot of behavior going on that I should have picked up on.
From that experience, I realized how important it is to let friendships develop gradually. And not to rush them.
I'm sorry to hear that, at first, we just talked about normal things, then we started developing a closer bond when her relationship with her ex deteroriated. From what i know, I should have seen the sign when she told me "she acted like a ***** to him" and she wanted him back. At that time, I should have realized she would do the same to me, it hurts, but I gotta move on. I'm honestly afraid of developing friendships, because I always lose them.
I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I agree with the previous poster that it's wise to protect your heart and take relationships slower be they romantic or friendships. In the light of day without a great deal of emotion invested or need a person's character shines through more readily allowing you to make wise choices about the likely outcome. When in the midst of a sea of troubles though it's easy to grasp onto any life preserver whether it ultimately does the job or not. Consider this an interim friendship, grieve for your loss and move on. Good luck.
Basically, I've been friends with this girl for a little over a year, we had a close friendship. Talked everyday, we both went through a lot of stuff. (Relationships with others, problems with family and other friends) but we stayed by our sides no matter what. However as time passed she began developing a more meaner side, (possibly due to the fact she was dumped by her first bf, or she always had this).
She began saying mean things no matter what I did, always demeaning me, basically when I look back, I was stupid for being her friend. She would go from being her nice cheerful self to a ***** mode where she would say mean things to me.
I was always there for her, once, she almost got pregnant (****ed a pool boy) and I helped her basically through her pregnancy scare. I was with her through two of her toughest break ups, and it hurts because she got mad because I joked around with her. She called me obsessed, which is not true, before he current boyfriend came into her life, she used to text me everyday, and got mad when I didn't text her back.
It's tough, but I blame myself mostly for trying to be her friend when she treated me like garbage. She even treated other people better than me, and every time she got her heartbroken by a guy, I was there for her.
There's tons of other things as well too, like how she always gave problems to girls I date ( I'm currently about to get into a relationship with a wonderful woman who's everything I wanted, how she always would say mean things to girls I like,etc).
Basically, I'm still upset, cause this happens often with women, what should I do? I'm slowly moving on, but it upsets me still to a point.
Some friendships last longer than others and others whom you feel are friends turn into merely an acquaintance. From what you have said about how she treats you she is not even a friend nor an acquaintance, she is someone who wants to dump her trash in your container and not take responsibility for her actions that it is wrong to USE SOMEONE ELSE'S trash container. So, her being able to treat you like poopoo and continue to do so is YOU allowing it to continue. She her for who she is (a user and abuser) and move on as fast as you can and keep her OUT of your life and OUT of your relationships.
I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I agree with the previous poster that it's wise to protect your heart and take relationships slower be they romantic or friendships. In the light of day without a great deal of emotion invested or need a person's character shines through more readily allowing you to make wise choices about the likely outcome. When in the midst of a sea of troubles though it's easy to grasp onto any life preserver whether it ultimately does the job or not. Consider this an interim friendship, grieve for your loss and move on. Good luck.
Yeah, I'm just really hurt, what if she attempts to try and talk to me again? Should I forgive her? Part of me doesn't, but another does. Its hard,
Yeah, I'm just really hurt, what if she attempts to try and talk to me again? Should I forgive her?
You know the answer. It's in your first post. Yes, losing a friend or losing the blinders that show you that your friend was a bad friend is painful. Again good luck
Some friendships last longer than others and others whom you feel are friends turn into merely an acquaintance. From what you have said about how she treats you she is not even a friend nor an acquaintance, she is someone who wants to dump her trash in your container and not take responsibility for her actions that it is wrong to USE SOMEONE ELSE'S trash container. So, her being able to treat you like poopoo and continue to do so is YOU allowing it to continue. She her for who she is (a user and abuser) and move on as fast as you can and keep her OUT of your life and OUT of your relationships.
You're absolutely right she is those things and I should have removed her sooner from my life. I feel used.
I lost my Dad when I was 4, my brother was 7. After a few days we were again allowed to go to a neighbor's house to play. We saw the other kids outside and for the first time in days, I can remember being happy to see them. As they saw us, they began to laugh and tease us saying "Ha, Ha, your Daddy died". Instantly, my brother and I burst into tears and ran away.
We learned early about trusting friends, a lesson that has stayed with me for the next 60 years. I will never understand how people can be so cruel, but, I would much rather spend time with my cat then put up with the worst way someone can treat me.
Yeah, I'm just really hurt, what if she attempts to try and talk to me again? Should I forgive her? Part of me doesn't, but another does. Its hard,
People who use and mistreat people often circle back to the nice people in their lives because they, as the saying goes, mistake kindness for weakness. She may very well try to talk to you again. But the question is, has her behavior really changed? Or is it a front to suck you back in? With some people, I've seen it described as Lucy, Charlie Brown and the football from the Peanuts comic characters. Charlie Brown keeps trusting Lucy not to let go of that football. And what's generally the out come of that?
Should you forgive her? That's up to you if/when you're ready for it. Just keep in mind that forgiving her doesn't necessarily mean letting her back into your life. You can forgive her and still protect yourself by not letting her back into your life if she hasn't changed. If you do think she's changed and are willing to let her back, take it very slowly and gradually increase your trust/her access to you & your life. Don't go damn the torpedoes/full speed ahead. I'll also share a tip I've figured out over the years. If someone gets offended by the fact you want to gradually let him or her back into your life, that person probably hasn't changed!
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