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you ever hit the nail on the head!! that happened in the mid 80's, and i always make sure i never get more emotionally invested than the other person when it comes to friendships. in fact if i sense anyone is trying to get me dependent on them or gain leverage in any way........i just won't let 'em!!!!
and he's probably talking about me behind my back to all his family and friends about what a "loser" i was at the time. he probably thought i never made up my mind about a career and still live at home when he has no idea i found a career a few years after i ended it and that i've been on my own for almost 20 years
Hey rlrl, there is a saying that desire is at the root of all suffering. Maybe there is truth in that, but as humans it is impossible to eliminate the desire to love/be loved and be respected. It is unnatural to do so and we would be so sad and unhappy if we were to remove ourselves far from our nature by associating an extraordinary amount of risk in welcoming new people into our lives. If we try to recognize people who have strong principles and genuine consideration for others (and to cultivate them in ourselves to match) and place these traits at the top of the list for all relationships then we wouldn't need to worry about bad intentions. The rest is to give and receive freely, without mental calculations, emotional burden or guilt.
I don't know how to word what I want to say exactly; however, I came across a good article on relationship before which I think you might find interesting. To respect copyright I am quoting only a small section of the article
Quote:
“You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first.” Everyone knows this talk show, pop psychology platitude. Self-help “gurus” and self-help writers du jour regurgitate this mindless mantra ad nauseum.
I don’t know its exact origin, but whomever first uttered the phrase confused things terribly. Accepting and loving yourself is a precondition to being in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. However, the oft-recited advice has it backwards: Before you can RECEIVE love from another, you must
Whether it was male/male hetero or not, the fact is that there's something else going on here--you need to grow the hell up. Sorry if that's harsh, but good God, it's been about a quarter century. Why the drama? Let go already.
This is not a friend. Some people have issues and love to make their issues their issue. Bottom line is if you find yourself irritated, frustrated, or upset after interaction with your "friend" then let them go. Life is too short for this kind of interaction.
At the very least distance yourself from this person.
yes i am a mental health worker and i try my damdnest to convey to my clients a model of professionalism and perfection and it works. however off the job as we all know mental health workers are not perfect and have issues too just like the rest of the world. when i go on these boards sometimes reading things triggers off old bad memories
it happens every so often (in my case about once per year) that i get into brooding about the past because i still have to work with people who remind me of this jacka**. and it hurts to remember things this guy said to me that were too painful to hear and having to hear them in same formula/different ingredients from difficult co-workers that remind me of this jerk.
what i'm trying to say is that posting here is a good way to vent because i can't do it on my job as a professional
i'm ok with it now and it's not going to flare up until months and months from now
i have my bad times and good times just like everyone else. the majority of my posts here are helping others and trying to assist others and providing insight that hopefully will help others. most of my posts here are not self- pitying
What is it called when a "friend" puts you down, "yes buts" you, constantly gets in little (or sometimes big) digs at you to chop down your self esteem, and when you go to call him out on it by saying something like "we are very different types of people it seems" or 'this is why i wonder why you wouldn't be better off with a friend of your own social stature", he doesn't even respond or just come out and tell you that he thinks you are beneath him and would like to end the relationship because obviously an "average person" irks him, but he instead does nothing to act on his own ideas and instead waits for you to end the relationship? In other words, just play act a charade instead of just tell you "I'm better than you, I'm going places and you're not, lets say farewell?
has anyone had this experience?
Yea I did... I befriended a group of wealthy real estate agents and became almost like family over 3 year period. Honestly, they were good people but money just has a strange way of making you think that you are better then others.
Maybe you could move on to a new relationships with new people. Not everyone is brought up with manners or just plain cooth.Im a Slick at Mouth when someone says something ignorant to me .It gos back to the saying treat people as you want to be treated.I would say you have alot of good self essteam. Maybe Thats what pisses him off. Straightout say to him {or Her},,, If it makes you feel better by trying to make me feel bad ,its not happening Soooooo,,,,then get on with his bad self.And smile, cuz then he will wonder what your up too .Sounds like our buddies got a little jealousy going on.
If possible Show him what a real friend is.If not there of plenty of people who would like someone who cares enough even to ask..Thank you for not giving up so quick..Peace
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look virgode and mr stewart
