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Does anything else just not have any close friends?
Sometimes I feel like a crazy recluse - I just don't have friends. I'm nice to people I meet and sometimes I'll strike up conversation with people at work and in class. I just don't really 'hang out' with people. Most people annoy the **** out of me and I don't particularly enjoy going to public places because I get crazy anxiety attacks.
I am extremely close to my fiance and we see each other at least once - usually twice - per day, and I hate taking time away from us, so I guess that's probably another reason why I don't do much with other people.
It's just a bit funny because I used to love being around people and going to parties all the time...Always having somebody to call and chat with.
Sometimes I really miss that. But other times I'm really happy to have my time alone.
Can anyone relate to this? Do you regret being a bit of a loner or do you enjoy the solitude?
I am very much in the same boat as you, though I am alone when I want to be and I want people around when I want them to be but they can't take any hints on whether I want them around or not!
Not having anyone intimate or close is eating me up, and the only thing to look forward to right now is going to UofA for me. So focus on something big coming up because It's only going to be #1 (yourself) for a while.
I can relate. I'd rather be alone than to spend time with someone who annoys me or who I can only digest in small doses. I know people who just hate to be alone, and would rather hang out with someone they really aren't crazy about than to be alone. They cut that person down behind their back but still call them to go to the mall or to a movie. Life is too short to surround yourself with annoying idiots. Unfortunately, it's difficult to make new friends if you stick to the same routine day in and day out, especially as you get older. When I was 6 I could walk up to someone at the playground and say "hi wanna play?" and I had a new friend...today at 41 if I tried that at the mall or a gallery/museum, that would get me bundled up in the back of a patrol car and wisked off to jail.
I've always been a bit of a loner and most of my friends are either family or friends of my family. My mom and my SIL are my best friends (apart from my husband). But I don't think it's healthy to not have any close friends at ALL outside your romantic relationship. And I find it concerning that you say you get anxiety attacks in public places. You may have a social anxiety disorder - you should talk to your doctor about it, there is treatment for it (not necessarily chemical, if you're not comfortable with that). Just because you enjoy your solitude doesn't mean you can't also enjoy social activities - life CAN include both and if you miss the other half of it because you're struggling with a possible disorder, you really need to look into some treatment. I enjoy my solitude very much but I don't get anxiety attacks in public places... that's not healthy, please talk to your doctor!
It takes me a very long time to build up a real friendship to the point of just hanging out. Part of that is because I tend to keep my work life separate, and part is because I am way beyond the point of going out drinking and whatnot. Another part of it is because I have a child, which makes it difficult to invest a whole lot of time into a friendship. Childless people tend to shy away, and people with kids are too busy themselves. So I haven't made any new 'real' friends since I relocated last August.
I have quite a few close friends but the problem is that they all live at least 1500 miles away. I just know a couple of people in Nashville and I pretty much live like a monk in a stone room would have lived 500 years ago (except I have the internet). I also tend to be a loner by nature but it would be nice to have a few people around who I'm very close to.
I have truly come to believe that there are some people who are generally more distant, too themselves, dislike big crowds/situations, and it is possible to be this way without being a bad person or depressive; simultaneously, some of those things can be signs of bigger issues.
That said, I have been a loner since I was pushed/yanked out of the womb. I was pretty sociable through HS and not so much during college. My on/off switch with being sociable goes through its cycle. Right now, I would probably like to expand my inner circle by a few people and I need to be a bit more out-going for professional purposes, too. I would really like to find some friends in various places throughout the country as it would provide good travel opportunities.
I like my space and my privacy. I enjoy my one and one time at home or out and about. However, I want to avoid being incredibly reclusive. There were times where I realized that I had not verbally spoke in days [maybe only communicated via text/email]. That too, I want to limit.
To make myself more open without it being something I would dread is to join a bowling team and visit the gun range. Sometimes, I have not been good picking friends/associates; I have attached myself to needy people or those where we shared limited interests. By involving myself in activities I have interest, I am sure I will run across people who share some of the same interests as I.
What I have learned now is its better to keep people around who can deal with someone like me. When I have my disappearing act, they are okay that I just need my one-on-one time.
Honey, you are seeing your fiance too much. Twice a day? Are you all living together?
I'd put you a plan of action to stop seeing your fiance too often...twice a week and thats it. Force youself to meet other women friends. Even if you go out with your fiance, chat with other women nearby. I find it alot easier to approach people when I have a friend with me. That way, if they back off, you dont look like a loner.
So, stop seeing your fiance...go to a gym, something where you can interact with others. Your fiance is not going to fulfill your social life forever, even if you end up being together forever.
I'd also recommend reading Debrah Fine's "The Fine Art of Small Talk". It will help you get friends like never before....Then you're going to have too many and then come online saying how you're spending too much money hanging out with friends
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Come to think of it, there might be some truth to it... it probably was a lot cozier in there...
