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I have a situation here that I can't quite resolve, thus I hope someone in here could guide me with their own experience.
I live in DC and have a little kid. My Mom lives in Honolulu. Recently she was diagnosed with Parkinson disease. For years, I have persuaded her to move to DC and live with me yet she keeps refusing. She just doesn't like anywhere else rather than Honolulu. The only option for me is to move to HI to take care of Mom. I have been reading through lots of postings regarding moving to Honolulu in here and I am really scared and confused.
First, I can't seem to find a job in Honolulu that needs my specialty (I'm in Credential Examination Field). Besides, HI employers never respond to out-of-state applicants as me, even though I repeatedly applied for any job from admin support to customer service to sales... I'm desperate cuz without a job, I can't rent any place in order to settle for my kid to go to school. I can't stay with my Mom since she lives in a senior housing building. Ideally, I wish to rent a place that later my Mom can come live with us too.
Second, I have no idea about school system in HI and my kid is 5. People said I have to register around Apr in order for him to enter school in Sept. If we move there in Sept, will he be allowed to go to school in Honolulu without any advanced registration at all?
Third, I don't have much savings to take with me to Honolulu, will I be able to survive with all the high living costs of a paradise place?
Drop everything in DC to take an adventure to Honolulu without any security is such a big risk ?! How should I do?
You could hire care givers if your mom needed more help instead of moving to Hawaii. From the folks I've chatted with who have been in charge of taking care of their elderly parents, most of them did have hired help for at least part of the day and some of them had full time live in help and they lived nearby as well. What sort of medical and daily care options does the senior housing facility offer? Do they have a list of additional caregivers as well as references for them? My grandmother had folks who would bring her lunch each day and check up to see if she needed anything other than that she lived in her own house although she didn't have Parkenson's, she was just elderly. I don't know what the ramifications of Parkenson's disease is or how quickly it causes day to day trouble, though, so a daily check may not be adequate. Doesn't the senior housing have different levels of elder care there? They may be able to provide an increased level of care.
Does she have a lot of friends at the elder care place? She may not want to leave them and she may not want to move from the senior housing place either if she is comfortable there. So even if you move there and rent an apartment she still may not want to move. Have you asked her about your plan to move there? She should have contacts at the senior housing who would know of a job opening somewhere and a house to rent, too, I'd think. Most seniors, especially if they grew up in the area, would have a zillion contacts. Usually, in Hawaii it's not what you know but who you know as well as who knows you. Competence doesn't mean anywhere near as much as fitting in, too, so knowing someone is usually how you get jobs. Not as much as on Oahu as the outer islands, though, but still, some of the elders would probably have some helpful ideas. That is, if it was something your mom wanted.
Can you vacation nearby and see her once or twice a year during vacation times? The airfare would be brutal, but you'd still have employment and wouldn't have to uproot yourself. You have to be strong to help her and moving halfway across the planet without a job and with a young keiki is a risky business. Looks like you have some tough decisions no matter what, though.
the one good thing to know is that the childcare situation should be ok; from personal experience i can tell you that is one less thing you have to worry about.
i have to be honest though, unless you see oahu being a good place to raise your child and for yourself, it'll be a big sacrifice to give up a comfortable existence in DC to start over.
on the one hand, parkinson's disease usually starts out as a movement disorder with psychiatric symptoms much later, so you may still have some quality time with your mother by moving here. on the other hand, other alternatives such as having your mom move to DC or hiring competent help may be less traumatic to you and your child.
Thanks hotzcatz for suggesting lots of options. My Mom lives in a low income housing not a nursing care home, thus, there is no elder care options offered by the facility. Her friends from the church visit her sometimes to look out for her, yet I am afraid that is not enough with her progressive disease. We talked about the help from a care giver, but both she and I don’t really like that idea, for I don’t make much money and the care will be coming from a stranger, while what she needs right now is a mentally caring support from family. Anyway, it’s a bit too complicated to explain.
Thank d1d0c for solving one of my biggest concerns of moving there, my kid school. So you think it will be OK if he arrives even after the school opening date and still gets admitted? That’s awesome.
Btw, can I safely go around the city with a bike/scooter, and is it popular there?
You're facing a series of hard choices, that is for sure. Parkinson's is a very serious and dangerous disease, but you should spend a little time to figure out the safest and best way to make this tough situation work. Based on what you have said so far these are my suggestions-
Savings- You are going to need some sort of lifeline if you are moving without a job or a place to live. As Alex777 already suggested you should immediately start trying to save as much as you can. Cut down to the bare essentials. I moved here with enough cash to get me through 6 months with no job, having that extra bit of security eases a little of the pressure off. I understand this might not be possible, but you should definitely consider taking a little time to try and build up some more substantial savings. You also need to keep in mind if you are going to be renting a place you are going to need to pay 2 months rent at the start (security deposit, and first month). This is a large chunk of cash for most people.
About jobs- Are you seeing a lot of listings in your field that you are qualified for and that you can live off of? Even if you aren't getting any responses from the ones you have applied to, if you are seeing a number of listings I'd say that means there is at least some demand for your job. That would be a hopeful sign. Despite this though, do you have any other skills you can make a living off of? You may have to get a different job to hold you over until you can find something in your field, are any of those secondary type jobs going to be enough to support you and your child? Many people I know have or in fact, need 2 jobs.
Living situations- You need to figure out where you are going to live once you move here. Staying in a hotel is going to be expensive, so do some research on month to month rentals or vacation rentals. This will give you a place to live while you look at permanent apartments. Do not rent a permanent home without seeing it in person, I can't stress this enough. If your mom lives in low income housing it seems like it would be possible to stay with her at least for a little while, you should explore this option if cash is really tight. Also are you planning on moving with all your stuff? It can be expensive to move an entire household to the islands. If you decide to just move with the bare essentials you will have to buy furniture, beds, etc once you get here (also expensive) or limit the apartments you look at to ones that are furnished. You should look into the cost of each of these options, so you can choose the cheaper one.
It sounds like your mother has no interest in moving and because of this you have decided to move to Hawai'i to take care of her. This is an honorable and righteous thing to do, not to mention the fact that it will afford you some time with your mom. However, you need to be sure that your mother understands your side of the situation as well. While she may enjoy living in Hawai'i and not want to leave, does she understand that you and your child might be taking a huge risk to try and come out and be with her? Also, do you know any of your mother's friends? Can you contact any of them? Find out what they think, perhaps they can help sway her opinion or give you some ideas. They might also be the start of a network that you can use to help you find a place or employment or point you in the right direction. If you don't know any of your mother's friends personally you might consider reaching out to her pastor.
Lastly, you are going to have a lot of things you need to put in order and take care of to make this all work out. I suggest you make a list of things that you need to do, keep each item on the list concise and simple like "make a budget" or "research air fare". It will seem nearly impossible if you take everything and try to solve it all at once. Tackle one problem at a time, and do this piece by piece and it will be a lot easier and will keep you from feeling overwhelmed.
I hope some of this is helpful and wish you luck with your situation and good health to your mom!
Would it be possible for you to move your mom to DC? Even temporarily? Jobs are very hard to get if you're coming from the mainland. And if you do get one, be prepared to be paid much, much less than what you make now. Most of our friends have two or even three jobs just to "make ends meet". Good luck to you.
alex7777 is right, I certainly need to save up hard before this moving. Relocation to Honolulu is seriously a bigger deal than I thought, and I cannot just rush it based on my emotional plan.
Many thanks to HaoleFromCalifornia. Your suggestions are very helpful and detailed. I am following them step by step now.
The only thing bothers me still is that if I have to work 2 or 3 jobs in order to survive there, I won't have any time left for my Mom and my kid at all :-( Is the payscale in HI that bad?
I'm glad I could do anything to help you out Canali!
As for the job situation, personally I have only one job at the moment, but I live on the cheap. I cook at home mostly, I eat out maybe once every two weeks if that. I also use the bus to get around or my skateboard and don't own a TV or an air conditioner (two things that can make your electricity bill pricey). I also share a two bedroom apartment with two other people. All these things allow me to get by with one job and still have enough money left over to save a little and have a night on the town occasionally. With a family to support and no roomates things can be tougher for most others, having a car adds costs as well. Getting around without one is completely doable but for shopping and long commutes it can be a little tough.
My experience will likely be different from yours though as I work in the service industry and the pay scale isn't exactly normal. Perhaps someone with a more corporate or office type job can help you out.
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