Amazing job opportunity, wife doesn't want to go (San Jose, Irvine: rent, house)

[saibot]

The only thing that would make me agreeable to moving out of the area (I'm a mom to three and we live on my husband's income) is renting out our house rather than selling, so we would have the opportunity to come back some day. In that case, I would be willing to give it a try. I have known too many people who sold and left OC, then wanted to come back but absolutely could no longer afford it. I was born and raised here and don't want to burn my bridges behind me. Is making your OC house a rental a possibility for you?

[Cardiff Kook]

Originally Posted by Finper

Divorce her and marry me I'll go with you... It sounds like a great opportunity all around

wtf

[Electrician4you]

Originally Posted by Cardiff Kook

wtf

Fishing with dynamite. Could be a match made in heaven

[BRinSM]

I've been in nearly your exact same situation. I have young kids with in-laws who are not very helpful and have interviewed out of the area three times now. my wife is also averse to moving even though we see her family maybe once a month at most and they live <30 minutes from us. anyways, in one case i received an offer with no relo and the other two never materialized into an offer. we make enough to live fairly comfortably in socal (though we are in LA), but the prospect of moving for better opportunities excites me. i guess i really can't offer all that much advice if you do get a job offer, but just be prepared to be passed on for the position you are interviewing for. for one of the positions i mentioned, i was flown on site twice and interviewed with C level folks and SVPs so it seemed like a shoe in for me. they decided to go a different direction and I was crushed.

[expatCA]

Originally Posted by GlassB

I have recently come upon a job opportunity and have made it to stage 2 interviewing for a position which would jump me two positions and skip 5-6 years of waiting (and possibly 2 relocations) to get the same position in my current company, pay $50k+ more than I make now (I'm underpaid in my current job), BUT the opportunity is in Portland. Note: to get promoted at my current job, I would need to move anyway. Also note, my current position is large in scope and I need some specific experience to move up. That said, my current company has had problems finding something that would be challenging enough for me to get this experience due to the large role I have now, but is unwilling to let me move into a higher role without this additional experience. In my line of work, you can rocket to the top, but you have to be willing to move. Confusing....Catch 22, bottomline, I feel stuck.


We live in Orange County, which is by all accounts a beautiful location. That said, the housing is ungodly expensive, 405 traffic is horrible, we struggle to save any money as a one earner household with two kids (we would lose money sending our kids to day care if my wife started working and have no close family who can help), my mortgage is 35% of my income, and I have come to realize that moving up in my company will be difficult (promises made and unmade).


My wife's family lives close, but frankly they are no help (medical issues and overall inability to help with the kids --- Grandpa takes phone calls and walks away from 3 year old next to busy roads, Grandma is medically unable to help). My family lives 1000 miles away in multiple states. I grew up moving a lot. I don't mind moving and just make friends in the new location when I get there. I like the adventure of living in new locations....my wife likes to stay put. I get bored after living somewhere more than about 4 years. I keep all my old friends and just add to the network. Granted I know this isn't sustainable long term.


Bottomline, my wife does NOT want to move. At the same time, she is consistently unhappy that we have no help and we don't have the money to do things she wants to do. If we move, she also would have to start over with her hours and licensing (that said, she doesn't even want to do what she does now anymore). If we moved, we could afford a nanny for assistance or daycare, a bigger house (Our house is pretty small. Also, our house has gone up in value but it means nothing since we can only afford the same thing at a higher price since every other house in Orange county has gone up in value too), more vacations, probably extracurriculars like jet skis or a boat, etc. She wants me to find something local. I have had difficulty finding the right opportunity. Manufacturing is readily moving out of California and opportunities are reducing.


Any advice from the masses on how to get on the same page here?


Thanks!

Your wife's problem may be high lighted above and that makes her want to stay there.

[adr3naline]

OP, here's how I read your post:

Wife doesn't work.
Housing is expensive.
Family is of no assistance.
Lack of disposable income to enjoy life.
$50k+ income bump at hand.
You're going to have to move at one point anyway.

Sounds like you need a new wife. But I'm kind of an a**hole so there's that.

[nightlysparrow]

Originally Posted by GlassB

a one earner household with two kids (we would lose money sending our kids to day care if my wife started working and have no close family who can help)...

She sounds educated, but she hasn't figured out a way to earn money while being a SAHM?

At the very least, she could take care of some other people's kids in the home, and earn good money if daycare is so expensive!

[RosieSD]

Which would you rather be: happy at work or happy at home?

Sounds to me like you're not going to have both if you force your wife into this move.

Perhaps the way to have both is to keep looking for a job close to where you already live that will make you AND your wife happy.

Good luck with your decision.

[OCBruin]

its all about compromise. Maybe expanding your search for jobs to include LA and not just OC, and/or move closer to your job wherever that may be. Best of luck!

[Electrician4you]

Originally Posted by saibot

The only thing that would make me agreeable to moving out of the area (I'm a mom to three and we live on my husband's income) is renting out our house rather than selling, so we would have the opportunity to come back some day. In that case, I would be willing to give it a try. I have known too many people who sold and left OC, then wanted to come back but absolutely could no longer afford it. I was born and raised here and don't want to burn my bridges behind me. Is making your OC house a rental a possibility for you?

80% of the people I know that moved away want to move back. But they can't buy in again.